Fiancé has been on dating apps throughout our relationship

[Kat9012]

My fiancé and I have been together for 7 years now and have been engaged for about a year and a half, we're due to get married in 5 months.

About a year ago a mutual friend of ours sent me a screenshot of my fiancés tinder profile. I'll admit I was pretty emotional and angry at the time and probably should have waited until I calmed down a little to confront him. After I confronted him he immediately said it wasn't him and that someone must have been impersonating him. I suspected he was lying at the time but eventually decided to just move on from it since he swore it wasn't him and he let me look through his phone.

It's been a year since then and we recently moved in together. I've been finding out other little things that he's been lying about throughout our relationship, and this made me question the whole Tinder situation again. I asked him again about it a lot more calmly this time and he finally confessed to everything and that he was just using it on and off for the past few years as a confidence booster. He claims he didn't see anything wrong with it as long as he didn't go on any dates or message anyone.

He then went on to say that he didn't want to tell me he'd been using it the first time I confronted him about it since I was too emotional at the time and that he didn't want upset me further. It really bothers me that a year has gone by and he never told me the truth until now.

I honestly don't know where to go from here, I feel like I can't trust him anymore. I still really care for him and he's like my best friend but this whole situation has made me rethink our relationship and if I want to marry him.

Should I try to forgive him or is this a sign to break things off?

Why the fuck are you still with a lying gaslighting cheat let alone considering marrying him?

Honestly the bollocks they come out with when they get caught out is from the same script.

Find your self respect and dump this twat

OP you say you don't know where to go from here. Try the opposite direction. It's your best move.

And come away from thinking he is your best mate. He isn’t. Mates don’t lie to your face. Mates tell you that he is fucking about on dating apps.

Honestly been here and got the war wounds

It's a red flag on the scale of the leader's day parade in China.

Come on OP, it's time to pick your self esteem out of the gutter and call off the wedding. The relationship you have is a figment of your imagination, because its not he sees it, and its not how all those women he seeing on the side view it. You're just the patsy who staves off his loneliness (because he has hole where his heart should be) and washes his pants.

On the bright side, legally you are able to keep the ring, so flog it and buy yourself a freedom present, to celebrate the near-miss you had. In years to come, when you've met someone who really loves you, he'll just be that idiot you nearly married, and he'll still be on the apps, with a silver ponytail and pretending he doesn't understand how a tick box works so he can list himself as 25 years old.

I am going to be really blunt here, because he's a dick.

If you marry him, you will end up divorcing him. If you have kids with him, your kids will have to go through the hassle of divorce and seperate homes, and you will feel guilty, because even though its his fault, you will know in your heart you could have avoided it. You could have a new life a year from now, and this will be the story of how your life changed for the better. You deserve better!

I think you know what you should do.

If he needed external validation then he shouldn’t be in a relationship or getting married. If you do not make him feel loved and confident then the relationship is a farce.

You were gullible to believe him when this is a common story of why someone is dumped. He has no respect for you and by marrying you and later having kids, he knows that you’ll be too trapped to leave. It’s so much easier to end things now than when you have kids but unfortunately it sounds like you are looking for validation and people to say get married because you sound like the one with low self esteem.

He was lucky that you believed him once and that should have been a wake up call to do better but he lacks the fundamental respect of you so is compelled to keep on looking on what else is out there and can’t stop. I bet that if you saw his browsing history that it would be wall to wall porn and that he’s covered his tracks with private browsing etc. Do you share finances yet ? How many Only Fans subs does he have ?

You deserve better OP. 💐

OP, this is a big flag that you'd be mad to ignore.

I noticed that you seem defensive about how "emotional" you were finding out that your fiance was cheating and he made a big deal out of it, too. Do you know that it's completely normal to be bloody emotional about a cheating fiance? If he didn't want to upset you and make you emotional, he should have stayed off the dating websites.

@totallynotstressingatall - good on you that you decided to put yourself first. That sounds like it was an absolute nightmare.

He's basically been cheating on you, and you'll never know if he's actually met anyone or not. Don't marry him

Harsh but fair.

Dump him.
You need to be rational about this situation, lovely. A couple needs to deal with a wide range of unexpected events and problems throughout the years. You want to be with someone that you can wholeheartedly trust no matter what.
This lying bastard has already lied to you, not once, but on many occasions.
Imagine how stressful this is going to be once you have children.
This is the end. And you know it.

Don't marry him. He's a liar and a cheat.

OP please don't forgive him. You deserve someone who is so in love with you they cannot wait to spend the rest of your lives together, not someone who is seeing what else is out there. You don't deserve to be treated like this.

When you’ve been with someone a long time it is hard to end things. But your fiancé has been lying to you and going on dating sites. If he isn’t messaging people on them, I’m not sure how he’s getting a boost to his self esteem. It’s a weird excuse anyway. I think you already know you shouldn’t marry him. The lack of trust will make you go crazy and in the end he’ll play the victim because you can’t let it go. Sorry OP. Hope you can end things quickly and easily.

Where do you go from here? First, cancel the wedding, yes it's a tough decision and you'll feel like crap but it isn't the end of the world. You'll lose some deposits, it's not the end of the world. A few people might be angry because they've booked flights, hotels etc, it's not the end of the world.

If you own a property together see a solicitor about your options. If not, move out, stay with family, friends, rent a place of your own and take time to recover. In 6 months it'll all be forgotten about.

Send anyone on your side of the guest list a message 'Due to X being active on dating sites through our relationship, the wedding will not be going ahead and we are now separated. Tell him to inform own side of the guest list.

You deserve far better than this OP.

He should get enough out of his relationship with you that he doesn’t need the ego boost from being on tinder. He sounds like he’ll never be satisfied and isn’t trustworthy at all. Leave and do not marry him.

So why was he on there? To look? How do you get a confidence boost from that.

I think he’s lying, probably cheating if he can get away with it. What a piece of shit. I’m sorry this has happened to you. I’d never be able to trust him ever again.

The fact that you’re having to ask us shows what an impact his gaslighting has had on your confidence. Better to be alone with pride and dignity than marry this pathetic cheating liar.

Do not marry this man, unless you want to share him with other random women and pick up life-threatening diseases from him.

I think you need to hear this from all of us OP. If I were sitting with you now I would get you a cup of tea and sit you down and say to you really clearly. Do Not Marry This Man. He is cheating on you. He is endangering your health. He would continue to cheat on you if you married him and you then would be tied to him financially and then even worse you would have children and he would still cheat on you. So I say to you as a friend. Please dump him and move on. You don't want to make the massive mistake of marrying this filthy cheating bellend and wasting any more time on him. Dump him. Move out and block him.

You don't need to ask though, do you? Sadly from the tone of your post, I know that you will find a way to make it okay in your head. You will marry him and he will continue to cheat on you and disrespect you. I'm sorry but he is not your best friend, he's a liar and a cheat.

Little embarrassment having to call off a wedding verses a lifetime of misery.

He did cheat on you. Leave. You'll find someone so much better. I did ❤️

This. 100%

You would be an absolute fool to marry this man. He’s a cheat and a liar, never mind calling you ‘too emotional’ because you were upset when you found the twat on Tinder. Tell him you’re setting up your own profile, just for the confidence boost, bet he won’t like that one bit.

Absolutely spot on there. My niece's best friend had her big white wedding all planned a few years ago and her parents had forked out god knows how much but the groom to be was up to no good with some woman and got caught out so the whole deal was off. Bride 💔 heartbroken but he seemed only "disappointed" ! 🥺