Partner is tired because I do night shifts, make it make sense

[Alienpotato]

My partner is moaning he’s tired because I work night shift in a care home 3 days a week 8pm-8am

I have to work night shift because we have no childcare for the baby, so he drops the baby off to me at 8am on his way to work, and then I look after her all day, without about an hours sleep during her nap, before going back to work for 8pm.

so now he is saying that I can’t pick up overtime because he is tired. Tired because he has to wake up 20 minutes than he usually would to get the baby in the car and drop her off at my work. My wage is considerably less than his yet have to split bills 50/50. I struggle without overtime!

am I in the wrong the asking for bills to be split based on a percentage of wages? How is it fair that I’m not allowed to pick up overtime to get a bit of spending money yet he earns about £700 per month more than me.

bit of additional info, I buy literally 99% of the stuff the our 1 year old daughter needs. He doesn’t see a problem with this as I get the child benefit, but her stuff costs way more than £100 per month.

he also says out daughter can’t go to nursery two days a week because it only benefits me, because I will get to sleep for a few hours after night shift two days a week, but this isn’t fair because he doesn’t get ‘that time to himself’

and yes, he has said multiple times that me having a nap after being awake on night shift all night is having time to myself.

I agree you need to both be paying towards the house and bills proportionally.

He is being an absolute arsehole here- family money should be shared. Decide what you think is fair and put your foot down.

I dare not ask the split of chores and housework.

You have a lot of serious issues in this relationship

Tbh, he should like a twat. Childcare while you sleep in the day, to allow you to work at night is just as justified as childcare whilst your physically at work.

Leave the idiot.
Find a job in the daytime.
Claim uc as a single parent for help with childcare.
Claim 15h funded hours, if you can.

I dint say this to criticise op but, why did you have a baby with him?

Your life doesn't seem conducive to child raising, (work and financial wise for a start).And neither does your partner as a person.

I'm guessing he never brought up marrying you for discussion before the idea of a baby too? Because he sounds like he has one foot out the door and that's likely always been the plan.

You need to plan how to do this alone and sustain yourself. I'd vote- Get him gone and claim child support. Put her to his on the nights you work.

This man is never going to have your back. That's not a partner. Whatever you do, don't have more kids with him.

I actually have no words.
No fucking words..

Oh I do.. I do…
BELL END

Him, not you OP

We are okay financially. Well he is. He has around £25,000 in current account while I have £210 including my overdraft to last 4 weeks

This isn't a partnership, leave him and claim CMS, £25k whilst you have £50pw to live on, he's an abusive controlling prick.

He sounds like a sexist pig to be honest.

The bills should be split in proportion to what you both earn and he should contribute towards his own child.

What a fucking enormous PIG.

For gods sake dont be such a doormat.

You need proper sleep after a night shift, you must be making yourself ill without it. She needs to go into nursery to allow you to do this.

You should both put the same percentage of your wages into a joint account and bills should come out of this.

He sounds absolutely awful. You should consider becoming a single parent.

You need to step up and ask him to treat you better . Right now you are better of without him.

Sorry, what? How much sleep are you getting every 24 hours? And he says he is tired? And he won’t buy his daughter food and clothes?

so let’s get this straight, you work in a care home on 1 hours sleep? Where as he sleeps all night and complains he doesn’t get ‘me time’ because you want some sleep because that’s your me time? Is he really that bloody thick? Did you tell him that the x number of hours he sleeps overnight is already up on your sleep? You must be exhausted.

i don’t know what to say, I bet he’ll be the first to complain if you’re so exhausted there is an accident at home because you need sleep, there really are no words for this one, I worked nights as a nurse, my ex worked nights as a police officer so both raised kids juggling things and prob missing out on some sleep but tagging each other in and out so we could rest when we could, kids now older so much easier but I really feel for you. Your partner is a selfish git. It’s all about them isn’t it? What about me, scared they might ‘miss out’ but not actually seeing the bigger picture that he’s happy for you working all night then caring for your joint child with no sleep.

He is an utter pig, and your only mistake is staying with him. Leave claim child support, universal credit etc youll be much better off.

He doesn’t understand what a partnership is.

Shocking. He gets to sleep at night and go to work in the day whilst you get to work all night and work all day. Get legal advice and leave your dp. Get childcare in place. I know this is difficult for nights. See if you can move to days. The first step though is not being with your dp.

So what about your savings? As a partner, and mother of my child I would want you to to have savings so you can spend and treat yourself and, time to yourself to rest.

He is padded and yet, letting you slave away and, offers fuck all. If I were him I would pay for your childcare so you could have days off. And so you could keep work and keep some money back.

This guy isn't even paying for his own kid.

He's a total loser.
And he's taking the piss.

Why do you think you deserve so little from a man? (Or rather, a 'man').

This is just dangerous. Working night shift, napping for maybe an hour during the day, then back to night shift. You’re driving when you’ve had practically no sleep for >36 hours. It is unsafe for you, your baby and everyone else who is on the road. To top it all off, your partner sounds dreadful. Selfish, inconsiderate and tight with money. If he won’t change, you should leave.

Ok what made you choose, and still chose, to be with this prince?

Do you get to sleep at work? Otherwise how do you manage? Does your work know you don't sleep in the day?

Get a job working shifts which align better with childcare. Find childcare. Dump him. Claim UC.

Leave him.

Just leave him.

This is ridiculous and any man that behaves like this deserves to be left.

“he also says out daughter can’t go to nursery two days a week because it only benefits me, because I will get to sleep for a few hours after night shift two days a week, but this isn’t fair because he doesn’t get ‘that time to himself”

He does get that time when he is tucked up in bed on a night whilst you’re at work! He sounds very unreasonable

He's an absolute shithead.

You should be paying proportionately for household costs so you have the same amount of spending money at the end of the month. He's financially abusive.

He also sounds like a cunt in many other ways. Not buying things for his dd? Not supporting you? Comparing that he's tired???

What do you get out of this relationship?

You must be exhausted, bless you. How do you cope?