Partner is tired because I do night shifts, make it make sense

[Alienpotato]

My partner is moaning he’s tired because I work night shift in a care home 3 days a week 8pm-8am

I have to work night shift because we have no childcare for the baby, so he drops the baby off to me at 8am on his way to work, and then I look after her all day, without about an hours sleep during her nap, before going back to work for 8pm.

so now he is saying that I can’t pick up overtime because he is tired. Tired because he has to wake up 20 minutes than he usually would to get the baby in the car and drop her off at my work. My wage is considerably less than his yet have to split bills 50/50. I struggle without overtime!

am I in the wrong the asking for bills to be split based on a percentage of wages? How is it fair that I’m not allowed to pick up overtime to get a bit of spending money yet he earns about £700 per month more than me.

bit of additional info, I buy literally 99% of the stuff the our 1 year old daughter needs. He doesn’t see a problem with this as I get the child benefit, but her stuff costs way more than £100 per month.

he also says out daughter can’t go to nursery two days a week because it only benefits me, because I will get to sleep for a few hours after night shift two days a week, but this isn’t fair because he doesn’t get ‘that time to himself’

and yes, he has said multiple times that me having a nap after being awake on night shift all night is having time to myself.

LTB! what a POS he is! As previous posted said this is not a partnership! You would be better off alone. 💐

Jesus Christ op next time he goes to work just pack yours and babies things and leaves. He’s an utter piece of shit.

Jesus Christ some women set the bar so low. Why the fuck are you putting up with this bullshit

Come on OP you can’t think this is in any way fair or reasonable?

You can’t believe that someone who acts like this actually cares about you?

you’re not a team, he doesn’t care about you, he actually begrudges you a couple of hours sleep. Hes a waste man.
This won’t change, he won’t change and you’re on the path to a life of absolute misery, time to make plans to leave

Wow.
i just can’t get passed the bit where you said you don’t sleep after a Nightshift!! How any couple agreed on that I’ll never know. It should never have been an option to do that

Get help from women’s abuse help service. You are being mentally abused. I don’t know the name of the help service but others here will.

This was me a year and a half ago
Did a night shift after a 2 hour nap,
Then got home and took over the kids
Until he got home
Then I still helped out with the kids cause he was tired from working all day
Drove me insane
Was awake for 26+ hours on 2 hours sleep

Oh god please leave this man.

He sounds abusive.

You're awake 23 hours a day?

How on earth are you coping with so little sleep, OP? I’m worried - it sounds awful. And he makes it even worse…

This relationship is a joke..you're working yourself ragged at one of the most difficult jobs in the universe and looking after your daughter on next to no sleep or money. Run, run my love now, find a way and never look back 😳

How long have you been together? Has he always been like this? When did things change?

He is not a decent person.

He is not decent father.

He is not a decent partner.

He is not a partner in fact.

He won't change so you have to.

There are threads when I wish to god it’s a troll, but somehow they never are, and this is someone’s reality. Op, this is so unfair and how can you possibly get by on so little sleep. Book the nursery. Split the bills by income rather than 50/50 consider a life without him.

This man who is supposed to love and care for you is sitting by and hoarding money while you work12 hour night shifts on no sleep.

I'm sure that you don't need me to tell you that that is so bad for your health in so many ways and he is fine with it?

If you can find a way to sort your housing situation then get out of there asap, you'd get benefits to help cover nursery fees. I feel for you, it's shit feeling stuck and like you have no way out.

OP Just wondering When you first started dating did he split the bill 50/50

Please, stop.
I have similar experience. Did night shifts more than 5 years. I had probably 3 or 3,5 hours sleep after them and ended up with heart attack at A&E. And I was still 32 years old.
He is an ar*hole. Sorry.

Clearly he is abusing the situation .
He has 25k and you work and get no sleep . While he pays off a mortgage and saves. .
He is selfish and out for himself .
Tell him your not doing over time and you are putting your child on for 2 days a week that he will pay half and also pay more for your child .

Im the mean time quietly plan to leave .
Once you’re sorted with a place don’t look back.

You'd be better off leaving him you honestly would. What's the point of the relationship? He's a selfish man child.
You would be happier without him. I know its scary and it seems hard to leave.. and it would be hard initially.. but in the long run your life would improve massively if you left this man

No, no, no, no, no OP.

This is bang out of order, you cannot live like this. He needs a reality check!

You're living like a slave to this asshole "partner" of yours. And you are going to get seriously unwell if you continue to go without sleep. It's used as a method of torture for a reason. Could you contact women's aid?

Your husband says you can’t put your daughter in childcare two days a week because it will benefit you and you just say ok to that? WTF!

You do know your an adult, his not your mother and even as a adult, you don’t have to do as your mum says, you don’t have to do as anyone says, your an adult, choose to do it because you want too. You don’t need permission.

You need to be more selfish, just like him.

OP, you're sleep deprived and will not be able to think properly or make good decisions. He's doing this because he knows it makes it easy for him to gaslight you and control you.

He has you trapped under a spell.

@Alienpotato how do you go to work on an hour’s sleep and also look after a one year old? I am genuinely in absolute awe