Partner is tired because I do night shifts, make it make sense

[Alienpotato]

My partner is moaning he’s tired because I work night shift in a care home 3 days a week 8pm-8am

I have to work night shift because we have no childcare for the baby, so he drops the baby off to me at 8am on his way to work, and then I look after her all day, without about an hours sleep during her nap, before going back to work for 8pm.

so now he is saying that I can’t pick up overtime because he is tired. Tired because he has to wake up 20 minutes than he usually would to get the baby in the car and drop her off at my work. My wage is considerably less than his yet have to split bills 50/50. I struggle without overtime!

am I in the wrong the asking for bills to be split based on a percentage of wages? How is it fair that I’m not allowed to pick up overtime to get a bit of spending money yet he earns about £700 per month more than me.

bit of additional info, I buy literally 99% of the stuff the our 1 year old daughter needs. He doesn’t see a problem with this as I get the child benefit, but her stuff costs way more than £100 per month.

he also says out daughter can’t go to nursery two days a week because it only benefits me, because I will get to sleep for a few hours after night shift two days a week, but this isn’t fair because he doesn’t get ‘that time to himself’

and yes, he has said multiple times that me having a nap after being awake on night shift all night is having time to myself.

I would like to know this also

Leave this disgusting man!

When do you sleep??!!!!!

I don’t drive, he drops her off at work and then I get the bus home with her

You need to leave him before you have a breakdown.

It's time to get angry here OP. Tell him to grow up or fuck off. This is appalling.

I think it’s obvious what is needed here. Girl you’re doing it alone anyway so just get rid of the dead weight oh and I’m a petty bitch so id remind him that his solid 8 hours sleep is his me time as he believes your basic human right to rest is considered a luxury and having your bubba in nursery so you can sleep is “me time”.

kick the cunt out. DO NOT feel guilty he has 25K to cushion the blow!

Oh my, what a muddle.
agree with all the other people saying this is is totally unfair.

joint account for all bills, food, child expenses, and you pay the same percentage of your wages in
child benefit can be paid in here, but make sure it is paid to you in your name, so you get the NI credits
your money left is for you, and I’d recommend you save it in your name and call it Running Away Fund

he is not a partner in any way shape or form and he will not improve. You need to get a full time job, and pay nursery fees from the joint account, and you need to be paying into your pension
get all the qualifications you can, as care is a great career, and you could consider training as a nurse in The future

What are the bets he got his savings from riding on your coat tails (Or another women's). Someone's being paying his way for all his life and he's saving whilst they and now, his child, lose out.

20 years from now he'll have several kids with several exs, all of them having had to go through financial strife and work themselves to the bone, because he's a lazy, selfish fucker. Him? Sitting on 100k in savings.

Money made from women's labour.

Yep. I hear that housework, shopping, laundry etc is “time to myself” for me. I never sit down! Yet, no matter how much “me-time” he gets, pub, football, gigs. Or simply lying in bed. It’s not enough! Minding the kid, there always has to be payback for him, if I’m working. If I do something social? I owe him!

I have thought about leaving so many times, and spoke to him about it, he doesn’t see an issue in his ways. He says my life has improved massively since I met him. I am on the council list and have been since before I even went back to work after maternity, I am just not getting anywhere with it

That’s a relief. I don’t know how you can stand your partner though.

Also I can not kick him out unfortunately as he owns the house.

He wants to keep you skint, exhausted, downtrodden. That's how he retains his maid, cook and nanny.

He's a horrible person.

Don't waste your breath asking a lion to stop chewing on your leg. Just do whatever it takes to get away from him ASAP.

OP, please leave this POS

Stop asking his permission to leave and just do it.

Well no, you're living with someone - you're not going to be high priority.

He wouldn't see a problem with it, this current arrangement is working massively in his favour!

It's time to think about what you need, and be firm once you decide what that is.

Jesus bloody Christ .

You need to get the fuck away from this piece of shit . He is never going to get better , never going to see your point of view , and certainly never going to change . Why would he ? Leave . Leave now before he ruins your health , your finances and your spirit .

Is there anyone you can go to ? Any support network ? Any friends or family till you get on your feet ? There is always going to be jobs in the care sector , but not if you're too exhausted to carry on .

You've really sent yourself up shit creek.

It's easy for people to post to leave him but you'll have no money, no house and no childcare.

Could you sell him you getting a day job and using childcare? At least then you can try to not be a danger to your clients and child

What would happen if you just stopped paying your share of the bills? Or reduce the proportion to what you can afford? Tell him that's all the money you have as you've had to spend all your money getting things for the baby, and then maybe you can start building a bit of a buffer to get away.
Do you have any family who can help?

He's not your partner.

You're his nanny/housekeeper.

Except instead of paying you, you're paying him.

How are you functioning on 1 hour of sleep. Honestly you just need to crack on take the overtime, spell it out to him and remind him that he has sleep.

A bold approach, he could kick her out in theory, so shed have to have other bargaining chips up her sleeve.

At least she'd be a higher priority for housing.