Mortified - Am I really that bad?

[Itsanewday5]

I'm 28 and have been single for years. I've been on and off dating sites for a long time and I normally don't let things get to me. I know how men can be and half of them on there only want sex. Hope for the best but expect the worst is the way I try to look at things.

I've met quite a few people off them and it's either not worked out after some time dating or I've realised that there wasn't a connection after meeting and vice versa. I've always been honest and said "sorry not for me" as I don't like to string people along and most of the men that I've met have done the same thing. I think it's the right thing to do and it doesn’t need to get nasty.

Anyway, I started talking to a man last Friday and we hit it off straight away. The conversation just flowed and we were talking every day on the phone up until yesterday. We had a lot in common and just seemed to make each other laugh constantly. He said he hadn’t had a connection like this with someone for ages. All good. We had plans to meet this weekend but he asked me to meet him last night as he couldn’t wait any longer to meet me. He lives an hour away so we agreed to meet up at a pub for some drinks/food.

The date went really well, or so I thought. Lots of laughs, good conversation, a bit of kissing. He said he wanted to see me again this weekend. He didn’t text much last night but it was late when we both got home so I just assumed that he’d gone straight to bed when he got in. I sent the last text and woke up this morning to no reply (I know he gets up at 5-6am as he mentioned it and I didn’t wake up until 8). I sent another message just to say have a good day. Anyway I’ve just checked my phone and he’s unmatched me on the dating app and blocked me on WhatsApp. WTF?!

I’m not sure what’s up with me as normally I’d just shrug it off and move on but it’s really upset me and I’ve had a little cry this morning over it. I think it’s just knocked my confidence and I’ve been sat here wondering what I did/said wrong. We had food at the pub and I’m not sure if it put him off watching me eat. I am slightly over weight but he knew this beforehand as my pictures show my body and we spoke about it (he’s also on the heavy side). I know that probably sounds silly though. I’m embarrassed but I’m not sure why, like I did something wrong. Am I really bad that he felt the need to block me without an explanation.

I know I need to give my head a wobble and nobody on here can do anything but I just wanted to vent I guess. I’m also facing redundancy at work at the minute so generally just feeling a little down and I think this has just knocked me and made me feel worse. If you’ve got this far, thank you for reading…

I agree with @bananabread2000. If he’s 3 months out of a 13 year relationship he’s probably shagging rings round him with an endless buffet of women. You met someone fun and had a snog, and life goes on. Onwards and upwards.

😂genius!!!!

@DoingJustFine

Spot on, that's genius level thinking.

Yeah, I know the feeling. When I was on OLD, we'd be chatting and getting along really well. It would get to the point when the date was being arranged and I'd suggest (from experience) that if we didn't fancy each other, due to the rapport we'd built up, that we would at least be nice and say that via text rather than ghosting.
In the last five dates I can remember, none of the women did that, all ghosted! - so it's not unusual :(

OP maybe you are just feeling it more because you had that glimmer of hope that this time it might be going somewhere, all the right signals etc. having your hopes dashed is actually more upsetting than people realise. There is nothing wrong with you, and that’s coming from someone who’s been single for 7 years. Keep going, he clearly wasn’t a keeper x

Probably married and if that's the sort of person he is, you're well shot of him. You deserve more than a sneaky cheat.

Chalk it up to experience. I suspect you've dodged a bullet there!!

You don't even know him.

You're clear about being clear and not stringing people along, because it's the right thing to do. He did that to you. He unfriended you. You're not it for him.

I honesty don't like the intensity of modern online dating. You have one date and you're supposed to decide whether to shag, marry or dump.

You put so much intensity into the small details - and forget the huge warning signs.

You laughed a lot. I can do that all by myself watching stand up commedy on tv.

Basically you should be a person with values and goals - career-wise and family-wise.

Maybe he's very career driven - and you confessed you're about to be made redundant.

Nothing quite like entering a relationship with someone who suddenly can't pay their way.

I'd get back on your feet, feel more confident, get a new job, and hopefully meet someone at work, who you have the time to get to know.

@OldPerson thanks for your message. As I said before, it's absolutely fine if he didn't like me or want to see me again (whatever the reason) but he could have just said that. It's just basic manners really.

I find blocking people dramatic. Unless someone is harassing me or making my life a living hell, I'll just say my peace and move on. No need to block people, especially to someone who hasn't actually done or said anything wrong, but maybe that's just me.

So sorry you had this experience, I know how soul destroying it can all be and it's absolutely not you. The behaviour is cowardly and disrespectful and smacks of dishonesty. Here's a book that you might like to read:
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Block-Delete-Move-Its-them/dp/1787635236/

You can also follow https://www.instagram.com/lalalaletmeexplain?igsh=bjc3d2l3bTFjbXVj

Stay strong, be authentic and don't let bad men occupy space in your head that they categorically don't deserve!

Bet you anything he’s already in a relationship. Sounds exactly like what happened to someone I know. He was thinking of leaving his partner and checking what else was on offer then had a massive attack of the cold feet and ghosted her rather than confess. It’s not you Op - it’s him. No doubt about it in my mind.

Why would you be kissing and groping a woman in a car for 15 minutes if you didn't find her attractive? That's really odd behaviour?

I get having a kiss, and realising afterward that you're just not feeling it, no spark etc. But that's quite aside from not fancying someone and kissing them for quarter of an hour whilst groping their boob..

Makes ZERO sense.

One text then wait for a reply is pretty standard. I would advise either sex to do this!

Many a person has made out/copped off whatever words you want to use with someone they have no intention of dating 'just cos' 🤷🏻‍♀️

Yes absolutely the same for both sexes - one text and if you don’t get a positive response, move on. No one should be expected to chase - male or female.

Just communicate like adults, if you like them say so. Don’t play games

Oversharing, declarations about connections , feelings, never meeting someone like you before even meeting and urgency to progress are all a bit red flaggy with a tinge of manipulative behaviour to make you feel comfortable.

The groping was likely an attempt to take it further which wasn't forthcoming. Likelihood of just wanting sex is high with this one.

From a man....if I'm not interested I'm not spending time kissing and groping in the car. If my genuine intention is for a relationship with some substance I'd message you to let you know that it wasn't for me.

Unfortunately there's plenty of ignorant shit weasels who will try it on and when they don't get what they want will just cut you off without a word - more so when they're a manipulative dick anyway.

@5475878237NC I agree.

I was coming on to recommend Lala too!

Op, I got the audible version of her book & she narrates it herself. I loved it when I was feeling like you.

you dodged a bullet, hate blocking & ghosting, but like others have said it’ll be because he’s already in a relationship.

I hope you find what you’re looking for… and keep your eyes open so you don’t miss someone irl!

Loads of men on dating sites do this OP. Next time don't do a pub as a date, don't drink as it clouds your judgement. Kissing on a first internet date is a bit childish - it's pushing physical intimacy without knowing the person and can easily become very uncomfortable very quickly.

He's a piece of trash and you just need to move on.

Don't feel bad, someone who behaves like that is an arse. You've dodged a bullet, I'd say x

It could be that 12 y/o got hold of his phone too...

Maybe he just wasn't attracted. It is a thing. It doesn't always have to be because they are married or have kids or were just after sex etc etc. When i go on a date i do so in the knowledge that sometimes a person just might not fancy me. The end.

Sadly I've had this, and not just from guys I've been chatting to or been on one date with but sometimes guys I've been seeing for a while. I'll never understand it, if I decide not to see someone again I have a conversation, and I've only blocked the guys who have become abusive or creepy. It's totally on them, not you.

Forget him now, he's a waste of your time. Pour all of your energy going forward into finding a new job!! Or finding a way to keep your current one if you love it. You sound like a fantastic person BTW 😁

You don't know men... it's the same reason why one-night stands happen. It's not nice, and is quite immature, but it happens more than you'd think.

You may have zero connection, but you're single, horny, lonely... and someone is putting a kiss and a boob in front of you.

Truth be told, it could be any number of reasons.
-He had no feelings but fancied his chances for sex. He got a kiss and a boob and was disappointed it didn't escalate to more.
-Maybe he did fancy but the kiss swung him the other way.
-Maybe he was in a relationship, kissed and gropped and was overwhelmed with guilt.
-Maybe it was a perfect night but he simply got cold feet... perhaps felt he wasn't good enough for her and wanted to save her from him.

If I was a betting man, I'd say he simply got the hump it didn't lead to more...