Return from work trip and deflated with DH and life.

[tartancladpjs]

I just need some perspective here, our marriage isn't great I'm trying to think about a good way forward.(20+)

But I've just got back from a 4 day work trip, it's been lovely no thinking about others, no mental load, no responsibilities, no food shop, washing, dogs, cleaning just the ability to fully focus.

I've landed been picked up and straight into almost first question "what do you want for tea"

The excuse is he didn't know if I'd be hungry, no plans on what the teenagers have in the house and wham less than 30 minutes into being home I'm being asked to decide on food for the family.

I think I'm just tired but it's seriously pissed me off because my other colleague was talking about how she's off out for a meal this evening with her DH and all excited about catching up.

And I just feel totally meh. I feel like taking my packed bag and staying in a hotel just to extend my mental break a few extra days.

Am I being stupid or would it annoy you too?

I guess it's marginally better than "what's for dinner?" as soon as you get back (which is what mine asked as I came home from major surgery).

@hanahsaunt oh Lord that's awful

You got asked what 'you' want so assume that someone else is preparing it. That's a win in my book - sad to say. But yeah, there's nothing like being away to shed the mental load. It's a lot. Plan as many breaks as you can. That's what I try to do!

Sounds like this might be more about the back story than about him asking you that.

When DH and I go away for work the one who has been away then very much expects to be cooking etc when they get back to give the other person a break after a couple of days of doing all the load.

The question what do "I want" is meaning nobody else has plans.

And he's been home all day, would be nice that he'd have just thought or prepared something.
Even if it's just "we are grabbing a curry" etc

I think it's just the thinking.

I can empathise.

I had a wonderful 5 day work trip and when i first came back I was very pleasantly surprised at how well DH managed everything.

But it seemed as soon as I stepped through the door it was a case of "phew. She's back. I can stop now"

Kindly, you need to nip this in the bud asap or you'll find yourself longing for more trips away!

If a woman posted about a man going on a work trip and leaving her to manage everything on her own, she would be told to down tools for days upto his return and let him pick up the slack

Well, what do you want? Then tell him to sort it while you unpack and have a bath.

It sounds like you’re overwhelmed.

Ask for a take away tonight and when you’re up for a plan/discussion look for ways to make your load lighter.

Bullshit.

Dh goes away for work loads, I've never "downed tools" when he gets back. I know how tiring travelling is.

And the same when I go away.

I dunno. My DH does all the cooking and does ask me what I want when I get back from being away. Was it meant nicely to see what you fancy?

I don't actually think this is so bad? If he expected you to cook, that would be one thing and you'd be justifiably pissed off. But if the expectation is that he is cooking or fetching the takeaway or whatever, I think that YABU.

Oh I agree it’s ridiculous. I’m pointing out what the MN replies would be

You know maybe it was asked nicely, I'm just grumpy and tired and maybe expected something a bit more "hi, I've sorted food for this evening"

I'm going to park the grumps and ask him to grab a curry maybe. Give my head a wobble.

Yeah, coming back from a work trip is always a bit "sigh"

But while you've been leading the world or whatever it's been jogging along as usual.
It always takes a day + to get back into your space.

Tell him what you want for tea then run a bath whilst he cooks it ! Don't be that woman

The correct answer is, no idea, what did you have in mind? Throw it back to him!

I really dislike someone deciding for me what I will be eating so he would get points from me for asking

Promise you I'm not. I think I'd just like some more thought or effort.. I won't be cooking as there is nothing in the house. 🤣 the teens have eaten the entire contents of the fridge.

When asked "what's for dinner?" My response was often "whatever you're cooking".

But I'm a bitch and he left me

I don’t really get why this is so bad? He’s offering to cook you whatever you fancy for dinner, he won’t know what you’ve been eating the last few days away so just say ‘yes I’d like xyz please’ and go and have a chill out in the bath while he cooks.

My DH returned from a trip today.

I asked him what he wanted for dinner 😆

Hello wife 👋 can you imagine he's on here saying the same thing.

Could you have said “let’s go out” ?

I don’t get the issue. He simply asks what you would like. The way some people
think, had he decided for you someone would have called him controlling.

had I come home from a trip and someone asked me that, great.