He went to a strip club as a 'one off', but now is going to Hooters... Help me end this OLD tangle please!

[PinkCardigan93]

Met a guy OLD and have been dating for a couple of months. He is keen - I'm the one trying to take things slowly.
He works away a lot - travels abroad etc which is fine as I do too. However he was away last week and admitted to me one morning that he and the team had been into a strip club the night prior. He said he didn't enjoy it and spend the night on his phone watching boxing. I said I appreciated his honestly, and that he doesn't owe me an explanation as we're not technically a couple, but that I do find men going to those places a bit of an ick. He said it was a one off. We move on.

However, he's away on another trip tonight and has just told me he and the boys are all going to a Hooters bar for dinner.

He's in a cool city, they could go anywhere. But they're going to a Hooters. It's telling me a lot about his work culture and I just don't want it in my life. It's a big ick, and though I trust him, I barely know the guy.

A little part of me actually thinks he's doing this as an attempt at making me jealous - as he has been much keener than me in the interaction between us.

I just want to end it. It's stressing me, and in not comfortable. What do I tell him?

He laughed at you ending it? Seriously don’t communicate any further.

Well, if he's trying to make you jealous, that's spectacularly backfired 😂 just tell him it's not working for you, you don't need to give him a lengthy explanation after a couple of months. Once you've got the ick it doesn't go away!

He’s trying to make you feel silly for finding the Hooters visit offputting.

You and your boundaries are not silly. The fact his manager booked it is neither here nor there. He surely didn’t have to go, nor does he have to work in an industry where visits to this sort of place are part of the culture. He could even be a big brave boy and have a conversation with his colleagues about moving into the 21st century and suggest they visit some more enlightened places for their nights out.

"Do I see myself as being happy with someone whose work culture is lads' nights out at strip-clubs and hooters while away? The answer's nope, so it's a waste of both of our time continuing. Not a Cool Girl. All the best."

Or not bother.

It wouldn’t be for me. You don’t ‘owe’ him anything. Difference in values that’s it. I would not be going anywhere with him, he might be riddled with STIs.

Laughing emojis. Yes, I think you deserve someone a bit brighter than that.

I think the laughing emojis would put me off even more than the strip clubs tbh.

I love hooters! I go to the USA every year and always visit hooters, the beer is great, there are sports on the TVs and I LOVE the buffalo wings.
I've been going for years, yes the 'uniforms' might not be to everyone's taste but the ladies are just doing a job and they are doing a great one, the service is always spot on!! I go with my mum and dad and partner, son has been going since was a tot, and now this year it was my dad, son, my partner and me. It's just a restaurant

This.

I understand you're not a couple, but you are seeing what his life is like, what he's expected to attend, where he's expected to go to keep in with his dodgy and immature work crowd, and what he's willing to do.

You have no further need to engage with him OP, it's over.
I too would find this Ickish.
Let him crack on, it's done.

Oh give over 😂

It's called HOOTERS for a reason. How much more obvious could it be? Yes I'm sure some strip clubs serve great food as well, but they're still strip clubs.

Ok so Hooters is a tacky cheap chain restaurant with a waitresses in tight tshirts. Not unlike dozens of other chains. It’s kinda misogynistic and definitely tacky but not a den of sinfulness. Unless dens of sinfulness generally have kids menus?

He's replied with laughing emojis saying that his manager booked it for the team.

He doesn't think you're seriously ending it. I'd go with thumbs up emoji and block. I like the way you have stuck with your boundary despite some responses on this thread thinking Hooters is fine. If it's not fine with you it's not fine in your relationship. It doesn't matter if his boss/people here/the Hooters staff are fine with it. You're allowed to not want a relationship with someone for any reason you choose.

I don’t go to Hooters but it does allow kids in. It’s tacky

What do you tell him?

You think he's a prick and he's given you the ick with his behaviour and that's irreversible. Once you see someone through the lens of hanging out in icky bars, they become icky.

How is this difficult? Are you trying to save his feelings or something because honestly I don't see why you feel the need to do this or justify why you are dumping him.

You don't do creeps. The end.

I don’t think hooters would worry me. It depends what you are comfortable with. If he is working in a male environment it’s possibly hard to say no. He has been honest with you. I think a conversation around his work social life is needed and go from there.

You don't need to justify breaking up with him. If you don't want to see him again, if you feel he's not right for you, them that's reason enough.

You also don't have to give him a long, detailed explanation.

Or a long explanation to those on here who think Hooters is fine.

I think the laughing emojis tell you all you need to know! Sounds like you did the right thing.

Half term this week, let's not forget. Although if that poster is genuine we at least know what they think of women, so it's no wonder they are OK with Hooters.

Just because his manager booked it, doesn't mean he has to go. I don't believe in this day and age that it would have any impact on his career by doing this.

Your msg to him was perfect btw.

My husband sent me flowers after every single date from date 1, to say thank you for an amazing date

How long did that go on for @BluebellsareBlue ?

I’d be more wary of his reasoning a for mentioning it than him actually going. He’s testing you in some way, and his reasons won’t be admirable I guarantee it. I’d throw this one back. Text is fine. I’d just ghost personally

So update :

I've woken up this morning to a massive text from him apologising.

He said he's sorry to have upset me and that the table was booked as a surprise for the team. He said he was sat next to the managers wife and was speaking to her about me all night and said if it was up to him 'he would have gone straight to bed'. He says he wants to make it up to me.

I'm going to reply saying something along the lines of, going to Hooters with the team isn't something am necessarily afronted by.. but the combo of strip club / hooters is giving me early indications of his work place culture and not sure that's something I want to contend with as he works away so often.

Like, there's a big difference between your partner being dragged to a strip club on a stag do, and him travelling the world on work trips and using his evenings to visit strip clubs instead of museums, nice bars or restaurants.

I don't want a guy who treats his working away as an opportunity to play 'lads on tour'.