DH did something at the weekend, I’m really repulsed by it and him.

[beentheretoo]

And I don’t know if I want to move forward it’s like it’s the final nail in the coffin for us a a couple. He stayed up late and had far too much to drink something that doesn’t happen every weekend but happens maybe once every few months. The next day he was still pretty out of it and drunk so I just stayed out his way. Later on our adult DD came and told me that he had been lying on the sofa man-spreading and was exposing everything. She was too embarrassed to say anything but she says it’s not the first time she see something but this time it was everything. I got the roof because I still have underage teenage DC in the house. I confronted him and he was apologetic said it’s because he wears baggy shorts but there’s no excuse it’s disgusting. He said he’d throw them out and it won’t happen again.

Due to this and a lot of things I just can’t look at him now, I don’t know if he knows as he’s taken himself off to the sofa for the second night in a row. I’m actually so relieved.

Oh I don’t know, the op is wandering round in tight transparent tops without a bra and had to be told to cover up by her son. And she was sober and knew.

My step Dad did this a lot and thinking about it still turns my stomach.

Also good for everyone who would get fully naked in front of their teenage kids but mine would die of embarrassment?? So we allow each other to have privacy.

OP he sounds like a vile drunken pig.

Very fair point. I would be mortified if any of children were forced into the position that either of her children have been put in.

Exactly, she’s complaining he drunkenly exposed himself ans her daughter commented, and she’s saying she did it sober and her son commented, , I mean wtf walks about braless in transparent tight tops and then whinges their partner is showing too much. You can’t have it both ways.

@mathanxiety

shes an ADULT not a CHILD.

@beentheretoo

the bits on show is irrelevant to your problem here really.

He has a drink problem. Thats what you need to deal with. Your decision is how YOU want to deal with the situation.

I can’t understand why most are weirdly focused on the fact he was in loose shorts rather than the actual issue that an adult man was passed out drunk in the middle of the day in front of his children.

No child, even an adult child of a parent, wants to see their parent passed out drunk with their junk hanging out.
Neither do their want to feel forced to ask a parent to cover up.
Adult or child, it is absolutely disgusting and most people do NOT need that spelt out to them

The main point you seem to be missing is that the op’s son could speak to her about her clothing because they have that relationship and she’s not drunk and laid out across the sofa for 2 days. Her daughter also came to her about seeing her drunken dads tackle - again suggesting she’s the solid parent in this. But don’t let the facts get in the way of whatever weird point you’re trying to make 🙄

"he tends to be obnoxious when he’s been drinking and the day after when he’s still drunk so I just hide away, I’ve found over the years it’s better like this."

Christ, how long have your children had to share a house with this alcoholic?

Have they been offered therapy, have you any idea how it might have affected them?

I really don't get why you're focusing on something so minor OP when it's all of your background to your post that's the main issue.

He's obnoxious, he's an alcoholic, you don't like him. So why are you still together? Maybe focus on that rather than some accidental nudity.

.

She didn't say it was transparent, she said it was a white, tight pajama top.
Totally different than a mans balls actually hanging out of shorts.

Just coming back to this, I was NOT walking about in transparent tops. I had bought a new pajama set for the summer, tried it on and it was a bit tighter than what I would normally wear. It was full length bottoms with a little white vest top (I’m having the sweats) I said to DS oops this is a bit much isn’t it, he went yes not really what you want to see your Mum in, so I put a shirt thing on the top until I went to bed. I appreciate that my 14yo DS can tell me he’s embarrassed by his mum’s clothing (let’s face it at that age everything embarrasses them).

With regards to my DH it’s completely different, my adult DD with severe mental health issues saw her father lying drunk in the middle of the day with his willy and bollocks fully out. We also have an underage DD who could have potentially saw him too.

So did you do anything about it OP? Hope you're a stage forward

Do you think your DD's mental health difficulties could be related to growing up with an unpleasant drunk as a father?

Yes but we don’t all have them on show! There is such a thing as common decency and caring about the feelings of others. This man needs a good talking to and an ultimatum……keep it covered up or get out!

My adoptive dad was an alcoholic and would sometimes trudge through to the living room with either no clothes on, top or bottoms, or just sloppily dressed and almost exposing himself. I didn’t like seeing it at any age, as an adult or child. Not to derail the thread but he was sexually attracted to me and barely hid it, which made it worse for me.
I know that doesn’t appear to be the case for the OP’s husband, but if the daughter doesn’t like it, it is a problem. If you’re cool seeing others expose themselves, ok, but OP’s family aren’t and that is their prerogative.

Your DH should be covering up, this 'accident' shouldn't happen again.

Your DD should be able to say dad cover up, put that away.

Amazed that people on here are defending the drunken dad when the daughter in this case is so clearly upset by it. Fwiw I think it’s absolutely vile and I’d be utterly repulsed and disgusted too. I had some dysfunctional aspects to my childhood but this would be a whole other level.

People saying ‘they are just testicles’, if that was the case the porn industry wouldn’t be an industry and indecent exposure wouldn’t be a crime. Exposing genitals to someone else without consent is a crime. Yes in this case it wasn’t intentional but the sum effect of non consensual sexual exposure is just the same for the dd, even if it wasn’t intentional. To have a dad that can willingly drink himself into a state where he is no longer capable of protecting his dd from sexual exposure is a form of abuse.

Sounds like much more is going on here than just a drunken evening.
Whilst your DH exposing himself is not ideal , it’s also unintentional and he is ashamed enough to throw the shorts away.
Can you talk to him and tell him how you feel about his drinking , in an un accusing manor? Maybe get some couples therapy ?

Sounds like much more is going on here than just a drunken evening.
Whilst your DH exposing himself is not ideal , it’s also unintentional and he is ashamed enough to throw the shorts away.
Can you talk to him and tell him how you feel about his drinking , in an un accusing manor? Maybe get some couples therapy ?

I have known women whose partners have got so drunk they regularly wet the bed and/or urinate around the house. They are apparently ashamed and apologetic afterwards and yet it keeps happening, whereas if their regret and repentance was genuine they would not drink like that ever again (I got drunk on tequila once and made such an embarrassing tit of myself I’ve never gone near tequila again - fortunately I was out of the house and my kid didn’t see me!). I wouldn’t have this in my house either or around my kids. The point is they’re drinking so much they don’t know what they’re doing and causing psychological harm to the rest of the household. I don’t think that’s an exaggeration. If my kid had seen me on tequila night he’d still be in counselling now…

The “kid” is an adult.
The situation will not be resolved unless they stop accusing and start taking steps to resolve it. Or , if the marriage is over , just end it . This is how people damage their children the most , by bad mouthing the other parent , whatever they have done. There is no kindness in this relationship by the sound of it and without that what is the point?

Absolutely f* not. I wouldn’t be able to look at him either… sounds like he tried to have a tommy tank on your sofa and fell
asleep