DH did something at the weekend, I’m really repulsed by it and him.

[beentheretoo]

And I don’t know if I want to move forward it’s like it’s the final nail in the coffin for us a a couple. He stayed up late and had far too much to drink something that doesn’t happen every weekend but happens maybe once every few months. The next day he was still pretty out of it and drunk so I just stayed out his way. Later on our adult DD came and told me that he had been lying on the sofa man-spreading and was exposing everything. She was too embarrassed to say anything but she says it’s not the first time she see something but this time it was everything. I got the roof because I still have underage teenage DC in the house. I confronted him and he was apologetic said it’s because he wears baggy shorts but there’s no excuse it’s disgusting. He said he’d throw them out and it won’t happen again.

Due to this and a lot of things I just can’t look at him now, I don’t know if he knows as he’s taken himself off to the sofa for the second night in a row. I’m actually so relieved.

It wouldn't happen but just in case in this house wouldn't someone say "dad balls" and point?

Or come and get you, so you could say "drunk fuck balls out go to bed now"

Not trying to play it down and yes, it could quite as easily been my fanny on display. It was an accident, it's not like he's getting shitfaced every week flashing his tackle intentionally ffs.

I don't drink, you don't need to be drunk to accidently expose part of your body when you're asleep.

Wait, some posters children have never seen their parents naked?

We certainly don't prance around naked but DD has certainly seen myself and DH naked when showering as she often follows us in the bathroom or she interupts us on the toilet, I thought that was normal? We're comfortable and not trying to make a big deal out of different body types.

As for OP's DH, was it accidental or deliberate?

Well the daughter perhaps felt uncomfortable seeing daddies balls. In our family, baggy shorts and fitted boxers are worn just in case after husband's inadvertent flashing.

There's all sorts wrong here.

Obviously the drinking is a problem for you, once in a while both DH and I would live and let live. There might not be a lot of sympathy, but especially if there are no young DC to care for, if he needs a day lolling on the sofa, he's welcome to it.

Re adult DD, I can't imagine a world where she wouldn't just say "fgs dad put it away". What's wrong in the dynamic that means she's not comfortable to do that?

I don't really know what's so terrible about teens catching a glimpse of their father's genitals either.

Obviously there are problems though.

The issue here is not the fact that someone saw his bollocks poking out of his shorts. That's neither here nor there, really. The same could have happened if he'd just dozed off watching telly.

The issue is that he has a binge-drinking habit. If he is getting so blind drunk every couple of months that he passes out on the sofa and is still drunk and incapable the next day to the point where other people can't use the living room, that is the problem, not an accidental flash.

It's the context that it happened because he was so out of it that makes it different for me, we were on holiday with my parents as adults and my mum ended up with a swimsuit front wedgie (private pool) , my brother saw it first and said mum Christ put it away while laughing, she got flustered and immediately rectified but we all laughed about it. She wasn't accidentally exposing herself because she was so wasted, she'd been diving into the pool onto an inflatable and hasn't realised what had happened immediately

My DH has a fave pair of shorts that he’s had to consign to the bin as the last time he had them on all his tackle fell out, he was having a cup of tea in the garden at the time and didn’t realise. Luckily only me around but he was mortified that it could’ve be someone else. He doesn’t drink himself into a stupor though….I think that’s the main issue here.

It's not great but I think you are reading to much into this. Did you not look at him? Chuck a blanket over him? (Yes, I know he didn't deserve it). Two things come to mind:
The drinking is obviously too much and he needs to take action to slow down/stop.
Do you actually like him? It doesn't really sound as though you do.

Why aren't these flashers wearing proper underwear? Not hard to avoid your bits falling out, surely.

Re adult DD, I can't imagine a world where she wouldn't just say "fgs dad put it away". What's wrong in the dynamic that means she's not comfortable to do that?

A world in which her dad is in a drunken stupor?

He's not a flasher but ...

If you'd like to look, there are numerous threads on MN about wearing/not wearing underwear. Many conversations about wearing/not wearing underwear under nightclothes or when it's hot or under jeans or other clothing or just not wearing knickers because it's more comfortable for some people.

'Going commando' is often in the thread title.

It's not rare..

Neither is women choosing not to wear bras..

The day after a binge allegedly. The level of drunkeness was likely not at all in a 'drunken stupor'.

I’m with you on that @Begsthequestion. Can’t understand how this could ever be classed as normal! Seems like we have different standards to some of the other posters!

Being so out of it that you're not aware of how you are presenting yourself would be the greater concern for me.
If you're so drunk you don't know what you're doing (and I'm not above understanding that this can happen to the best of us) you take yourself to your bed. What would happen if you did this, OP...and left him to run the household the day after you went on a bender? What does this teach your children about how to drink safely?

This is a very different situation to accidentally exposing yourself just going about your day. You'd all just yelp a bit and carry on.

I wasn't just referring to OP, there seems to be quite a few women with husbands unable to keep their parts in their pants. If you know you can't keep the balls and bits 'contained' in some shorts then surely put some undies on? I went to a yoga class once where the chap in front was wearing short shorts with no pants underneath and displaying far more than is necessary. Blurggh.

It's not a problem going commando if that's your thing, so long as no one else has to see it. So hardly the same as nothing under jeans or a skirts, or even women having unrestrained boobs under a T shirt, unless they droop so low they hang out the bottom.

Though in reality OP's partner has more problems than some escaping genitals if he's drinking to excess on a regular basis.

Put a blanket on him and move on. Not pleasant to see, but it doesn't need to be "a thing" either. She's an adult, she'll cope.

He's said he'll wear appropriate clothes from now on.

@beentheretoo

I totally get understand how 🤔 you find certain Alcholics types of behaviours and attitudes repulsive,

I do too...

Yes there are a lot more issues than just this one incident like I said in the OP. We’ve been together years and I don’t know if I actually like him anymore. He’s actually slept on the sofa the past few nights I think he knows how utterly pissed off with him I am and is keeping out my way.

To answer a few questions I was upstairs when this was happening, he tends to be obnoxious when he’s been drinking and the day after when he’s still drunk so I just hide away, I’ve found over the years it’s better like this. My adult DD although an adult she has a few severe MH issues which makes her a bit younger than what she is so I don’t think she would have just said to him “Dad FFS willy and balls cover yourself up!”

FWIW I have a 14yo DS and only last week I was wearing a white tight pajama top and he said Mum you should cover yourself up a bit more. He was embarrassed he could see my nips and boobs through it so I did cover up. I think teenagers do not want to see their parents bits in general. Even on holiday now I tend to stay away from bikinis I used to wear and no longer go topless whereas before I did no problem.

Ermm ok... That wasn't actually an answer to the question I asked another poster, but thanks I guess?

I think you should put some knickers on then.

So many posters talk about respecting boundaries, as they should, and yet this young woman is uncomfortable at seeing her wasted father's penis and apparently she's the one with the problem.

Weird.

Was he "out of it" or was he sleeping?

@beentheretoo

And I don’t know if I want to move forward it’s like it’s the final nail in the coffin for us a a couple.

Due to this and a lot of things I just can’t look at him now,

Yes there are a lot more issues than just this one incident like I said in the OP. We’ve been together years and I don’t know if I actually like him anymore

Even if one can categorize the 'exposure' as an accidental slip up that in a 'happy' relationship would result in "FFS George, wear some pants under those baggy shorts", in an 'unhappy/unatisfactory' relationship sometimes the straw that breaks the camels back is a very small one.

I think if you're unhappy with the 'status quo' you need to take a serious look at your marriage and your life as it is vs how you would like it to be and make a decision. I mean, I know no marriage is perfect, but life is too short to be living in unhappiness.

The OP says "The next day he was still pretty out of it and drunk so I just stayed out his way".

I know everything is cyclical but I do find the new prudery mind boggling.

I would happily be naked in front of my teenage sons, it is just normal when changing. Of course we are the same sex, so it is slightly different, and I don’t have daughters. But, seriously, it is just a body; we all have them!

OTOH, binge drinking and being passed out drunk I don’t like at all. I think seeing a parent hammered (as opposed to a bit merry) is close to being abusive, as children (even teens) have no idea how to deal with it.