DH did something at the weekend, I’m really repulsed by it and him.

[beentheretoo]

And I don’t know if I want to move forward it’s like it’s the final nail in the coffin for us a a couple. He stayed up late and had far too much to drink something that doesn’t happen every weekend but happens maybe once every few months. The next day he was still pretty out of it and drunk so I just stayed out his way. Later on our adult DD came and told me that he had been lying on the sofa man-spreading and was exposing everything. She was too embarrassed to say anything but she says it’s not the first time she see something but this time it was everything. I got the roof because I still have underage teenage DC in the house. I confronted him and he was apologetic said it’s because he wears baggy shorts but there’s no excuse it’s disgusting. He said he’d throw them out and it won’t happen again.

Due to this and a lot of things I just can’t look at him now, I don’t know if he knows as he’s taken himself off to the sofa for the second night in a row. I’m actually so relieved.

OP - as i said before you don’t need an excuse to leave.
And I am sorry your daughter has MH problems - so could not speak up for herself.
But maybe it os a good learning experience that is non-threatening that you can use with her. After all - she will encounter much worse behaviour from men in the real world, eventually.

Your son, however is another issue. Something in the way you describe your interactions around him irked me. I do not think a 14yo should be telling a woman to cover up. You were not naked. You had a t-shirt on. Plenty of young women around him wont be wearing bras - will he be telling them to cover up too? Because he is a man and cant see nipples????

Not sure why you wouldn’t wear a bikini on a beach with others in all kinds of undress. It is wrong to have a man dictate what you wear - even if this man is your son.

(on the subject of male genitals falling out - i would guess your son won’t be reacting the same as your nipples, btw. As an owner of same bits - i am guessing he already picked up a bit of male entitlement)

Poor son, if this is truly your attitude.

I would happily be naked in front of my teenage sons, it is just normal when changing. Of course we are the same sex, so it is slightly different, and I don’t have daughters. But, seriously, it is just a body; we all have them!

Slightly different?
I think it is completely different. I don't think it is at all prudish for me to feel it inappropriate for my adult and teenage sons to see me lying about with my genitals on show (I'm a woman).

This. I thought he was butt naked from the first post!

@CharlotteBog ,

If it is just accidental due to loose clothing, what, honestly, do you see as the issue.

Do you think they will get aroused or disgusted? People say ‘inappropriate’ but that is really cultural. In Northern Europe families happily go to naked saunas together.

Your children might even end up as medical professionals.

We are quite sexually obsessed with bodies in the 2020s with some clothes showing virtually everything but an absolute terror that a teen might accidentally see a bollock….

No - a way not to raise a man who will consider he has a right to tell women to cover up.

His mother was not naked. She was fully clothed. If it is OK for men to be shirtless on the streets and at stadiums - a little nipple sighting through a tshirt does not warrant calls to ‘cover up’

And she should be able to wear a bikini.

It’s disgusting and he needs to go

You need to tell him that if he doesn't seek help for his alcoholism, he will have to leave. And mean it.

No, I'm talking about the situation in the OP - where you're lying (asleep, or out of it, or whatever) with your genitals visible to your family.

Of course my sons have seen my naked body, either accidentally (entering the bathroom), or when we've been holidaying together and stripping out of swimsuits or something.

And so what if my feelings are cultural, that's how it is. I don't think I'm unusual.

There's really no need to be naked in front of your teenage son, like at all. And I don't care if Europeans do it, either.

Everyone is different. In our family we have boundaries and I absolutely would not want either of my parents or my child to see me naked. No way. Yes, we all have bodies, doesn't mean I want to see them. Sorry

I think you are overeating to the accidental nudity. The excessive drunkenness however sounds more problematic.

You say it's the final nail in the coffin of your relationship. You say you feel repulsed. I think that you already know what you are going to do. Good luck x

Why didn't your DD just say "Dad!!! Cover yourself up!" 🙄

Sorry but this isn't a 'exposing genitals' issue, it's a 'being incredibly drunk' issue. This wouldn't even be a conversation, if he wasn't getting paralytic. THAT'S what needs addressing!

If you had read my comment properly, you would see that I totally understand that the drunkenness is the problem. Which is what I wanted to emphasise.

Absolutely nothing to do with coolness. I just don‘t feel as though this attitude towards nudity (based upon OP’s own words) is healthy & certainly does not help to promote healthy attitudes towards body image in young people.

It sounds like there is more going on in your marriage that is causing you to go off your husband, but on this particular issue that you are repulsed by, in my opinion, you are completely over reacting. As soon as you brought it to his attention, he recognised it as a problem and said he would wear different underwear. No doubt you have bigger problems, but this issue isn’t a huge deal so long as he is going to address it!

It was her daughter who kicked off over seeing her dad’s meat and 2 veg as he’s drunk comatose on the family sofa. But don’t let the actual facts get in the way of your tear down will you 🙄

God you’re so right and no doubt his daughter is also an uptight bitch for objecting to her passed out dad exposing himself on the family sofa for 2 days. So glad you cleared that up.

I have never seen my father naked and only saw my mom when she got sick and could not bathe herself, so I was helping her. I never hid myself from my kids when they were young, but this only lasted until they were maybe school aged which is when I started feeling uncomfortable with this and they definitely started turning heads and making faces.

I am surprised to see how many people seem to be comfortable with it though. I am curios to know how the kids feel about it. I most definitely would be freaked out if I found either parent passed out naked, and would not find it funny at all.

OP, I am afraid I do not have an advice for you as to what you should do. At the end of the day, it does not matter what we think, but how you feel about it all. Only you know what and how much of it you can take before you are done. Good luck.

The Boys Escaped the Barracks! Lynnn.....!

I'd be more worried about the example of alcoholism he's showing your kids, rather than which body parts he's been revealing. Perhaps you can encourage him to address the drink issue.

Your disgust isn't at his accidental exposure. Your disgust is the realisation that your DH is an alcoholic or heading that way. TBF mine would probably sprawl like that after two beers... But he'd still be able to swear, cover up and look embarrassed. Alcoholism doesn't have to be about drinking every day. Whilst someone in their early twenties might overdo the drink because they haven't yet learnt when to stop, your DH is knowingly drinking himself to oblivion on a regular basis. Sadly I suspect he needs to seek help and potentially you do need to split up until he's sorted this out. If he says it's because he enjoys a beer... Buy Zero Alcohol beer and see whether it's the beer or the alcohol...

I feel so sorry for your daughter.
How utterly depressing a specimen he is as a father, and how grim family life must be for her to have to come to you with this.
Hold on to your anger and know that she will NEVER forget this.
This is not normal.