Carrying children, DW went nuts

[midnighthour123]

Hi everyone,

Very confused about this.

Sunny weekend, all went to nearby forest. 2 kids (5 and 8), im a very hands on'y dad, love playing with the kids, games, carrying, sand pits, playgrounds - love to get involved - just love it. I'm very involved in lots of other stuff too, homework, school runs, cleaning, running the house etc.

Exiting the forest place going back to car. both kids want to go on my shoulders (taking turns was not enough...., for them). It's weekend, sunny, so.. ok, I'll lift you both. one on shoulders, other carried. I can handle it easily (I'm also building in the house, commonly lifting and moving very heavy stuff, regularly).

DW has a melt down, "its v. dangerous for health and safety", "you should not be carrying 2 kids, nobody else is doing it, its dangerous, its embarassing", (we are in a forest car park walking back to the car, on the side, not in anyones way, kids happy, im totally fine).

I was in the wrong?

Maybe she was worried you would trip over tree roots etc.....i had a child who's dad was doing the shoulders....he walked into a log child fell off and fractured his. Skull, luckily at 2 it did less damage due to bone development.

yes i agree on this. but its a car park, exit of the forest, nicely laid out
and even so,, you can have trust in partners right?

I agree with others that the way you were carrying them sounds quite precarious. I imagine that being on top of your shoulders the 8yo’s head was quite far off the ground, and your hands weren’t able to be freed to steady yourself should you stumble nor does it sound like you had the soundest grip on their legs. I think parents often have slightly different risk tolerances for “rough” play and than can be tricky to navigate.

She may also have felt that you were getting the kids all excited and whipped up just as you were leaving and trying to get them in the car.

the 8 yr olds feet were literally gripped under my arms. the 5 yr old firmly held by my arms. the carpark was tarmac'd

Maybe you should fill in a risk assessment next time.
She sounds like a fun sponge, maybe she's been indoctrinated with the ' everything's dangerous' concept most workplaces now have.
You sound like a great dad who wants fun, don't change that.

My dad was a big man and had four daughters and we all use to climb him like a tree.
See if he could carry us all at once we loved it youngest being me.
One day he had a twin on each leg my eldest sister on his back and me in his arms walking about the garden mum as pics 2 minute fun life time memory.
He was the fun dad always was and the time we went a roller coaster together not that he wanted to but we were teens at that time and mum said only if dad goes on the big rides with us what a night at the fair that was last time dad went to the fair lol 😂. i think sometimes mums can overreact my mum was chilled out.
So many fun memorys even swimming in the rivers on his back he would swim sometimes with a rope around him because we were in a dinghy.
And the home made raft that broke in the water so dad spent the whole day making one for us while we was at school.
Dont stop being a fun dad few minutes fun life long memorys.

My dads now in his 80s and still cool. 😎
Still buys us icecream if we are out in the sun me first im the youngest lol something about him that makes everything better.

Complete non-issue IMO. Makes wonderful memories for all of you (including your dw, if she would let it). My dad did that sort of thing with my siblings and me, my dh did it with our children.

Maybe if you were scrambling up the side of Ben Nevis she might have a point, but otherwise - a wonderful thing to do with your dc.

What you were doing doesn't sound anything particuarly dramatic or scary. Just normal parent having fun stuff.

No idea why you did the back story thing - was that because you were anticpating people criticising you for doing the fun, performance parenting but not the daily grind?

It’s a non-issue and she sounds dramatic (I’d probably feel a bit anxious but not mention anything). As an aside, how the hell do you put an 8yr old on your shoulders? My 8yr old is built like a brick 🤣 we’d both crumble!

I have had spinal issues due to “
repeated spinal insults “ ( Neurosurgeon)
Seeing an old holiday video of my brothers both on my back ( aged 15) horrified me

No wonder my back is so bad.

She was being silly.

But it sounds like she’s overly anxious and you’re laid back.

To keep the peace I would try and do things that aren’t going to make her worry so much.

I’d be a bit worried about my husbands back but wouldn’t interfere, he’s a grown man, he knows how to take care of himself, and he’s allowed to have fun with his own children. Other than that, not sure what the big issue is - I think if you’re the kind of person who fears a big tragedy could happen in this scenario, you must spend most of your life very scared.

This. You sound like the dad who thinks he's fabulous but is actually a bit obnoxious

OP I have done this with my two and completely get how you’ve done it. We all do things differently and I’m sure someone might question me doing it but the kids are fine and you know how your DW feels about it now so you can discuss and work on a solution for future.

Wouldn't be something I would have worried about: I used to carry mine on my shoulders, until I was stopped by a lady who is a surgeon - specializing in facial reconstruction. She explained what happens to a child's face if the parent trips whilst they are on their shoulders, and said it happens more often than you think . . .

Maybe your wife was worried about this, maybe something else wound her up. Let it all cool down and then try to chat to her about it. Maybe she was just having a bad day but something seemed to matter to her a lot. It's worth listening and finding out what . . .

If you had any alcohol thay day, probably not a good idea.

So now we have "elf & safety " for carrying children. 🙄

Total overreaction from your wife.

Are you the slightly louder person and she's a bit quieter.

Of course you are in the wrong. So many red flags here.

Youve told this story in a very subjective and emotional way in which you portray yourself as brilliant and your wife as 'the bad guy'. I wonder what her version of events are.

Kerrrrist, just listen to yourself.

He was having fun with his kids. For context he's not a disney dad, he's full time hands on. His kids can't get enough of him and vice versa.

I'd say wifey has something else going on and it manifested in an irrational outburst.

I don't think there's a right or wrong, just different opinions.

If it really worries her then the considerate thing to do would be not do it again. It's good to teach your kids to take turns anyway.

Do you disagree on other health and safety issues?

What did you say the first time she criticised your actions?

Or was it all one long rant?

It’s daft but kids love this sort of thing. Being dangled upside down is even funnier!
DW sounds uptight.

What does homework have to do with anything?

Agree with this!

This sounds like the sort of thing my DH would do and inwardly as someone who is very risk averse, I'd be cringing and thinking God I hope none of them fall!! But I wouldn't say anything and let them crack on, knowing that my anxiety/very low tolerance for risk is my own issue and tbh I don't want the kids to develop it too.

You sound like a normal, involved, loving father, like my DH and many of my friends.