What are your DH’s normally doing on a Friday and Saturday nights?

[BroughttoyoubyBerocca]

My DH seems to go out every Friday and Saturdays nights and Sunday afternoons. Always to a pub, sometimes/often watching football. I’m lonely, fed up, feeling used tbh.

What are other Dads doing? What can we be doing as a family on a weekend night together that’s fun? Im struggling, he just seems to want to go to work, pub at weekends and leave everything else up to me. He wanted kids, pushed for ttc 2nd before I suggested it.

I can’t see that I would benefit in anyway divorcing yet this feels like either a shit marriage or I married someone who doesn’t actually want family life. If we divorce I’m wise off financially and alone more often.

I’ve tried pointing out to him that the guys that he is drinking with are not happily married family men but seems to fall on deaf ears. Kids are 9 and 11. Both of us work full time, both stressful jobs, I’m the bigger earner, no family living nearby.

Why would you want to be with him if he has zero interest in family life? Is it just out of convenience?

Typically..

Friday we do nothing, usually after a hard week we chill out watching tv and on our mobiles.

Saturday morning we go to the gym and do the house work, in the afternoon we either meet up with people or go out for a walk and have lunch. Also we've been doing DIY on a Saturday too.

Sunday we go out for the whole day as a family, eat dinner out, get home in the evening and chill before work on a monday.

If the weather is better one day we will swap the days around.

Standard stuff really.

either of us have ever been pub people

I think you need to let go of 'family time' given the personality of your husband. You can't compare what decent husbands might do, to what yours might. You need to accept who he is, unfortunately, and then decide what to do from here. One of your options isn't enjoying lovely family time.

Fridays evening we have a nice dinner, drink wine, listen to music and chat. Saturday we maybe watch a film. Sometimes we go out for dinner or to a show or whatever. We are older with grown children. DH works and I am retired. HD never goes to the pub unless I am also there. We like each others company.

Yeah, this I'm afraid OP.

And in answer to your question, DP is usually cooking dinner with a glass of wine (with me following him round the kitchen talking his ear off which I swear he secretly enjoys 😂), family meal, retreat to sofa with a bottle of wine and film / boxset. Occasionally we go out together or with friends but we're both homebodies and would rather just chill out and spend time together at home after a busy week.

I’m starting to suspect that he just thinks that this is what people do, he hasn’t got any school friend Dad friends, the guys he meets up mostly either have grown up kids/no kids and not a single of them have a wife and kids at home.

I wonder why that is?!?! Maybe because the majority of blokes with kids / wives / families are actually spending time with them and not at the pub!

I live close to the village pub and ALL of the blokes who are still in there from 8pm onwards are either single and / or have no kids / are much older and have grown up kids.

Mine goes out every Monday and Friday which involves sport and a few pints. I go out Tuesdays and we sometimes go out separately on Saturdays too with friends. It’s what we have always done though. I think we would be divorced if we spent every day together.

DH is pretty much always home Friday Saturday bar maybe 2 or 3 nights with friends a year. We love to eat, watch tv and sleep and that suits us both perfectly! If he was out every week I'd feel so lonely living far from family and friends.

@BroughttoyoubyBerocca that sounds miserably lonely to me. My DH spends one night each weekend with elderly relatives but otherwise it’s pretty much always with me and kids. We’ll go for an evening beach walk with thermos of hot chocolate quite often, play board games/card games, sit chatting in garden or living room with nice music, it’s all easy going and lovely when the children are involved or when it’s just us.

I wouldn’t be putting up with that. My DH spends his free time with us. We’ll spend time outside playing with DD, gardening, cooking, watching tv (we have “our” shows we always watch together). On a weekend we are out and about with DD to her activities, maybe lunch out. Saturday nights are movie nights and, yes, we have a personalised date night box with matching cold cups and popcorn containers! We’ve been together 11 years, married for 9 years and still utterly smitten. Value yourself and don’t put up with your DHs behaviour.

DP cooks our "Friday night dinner" and I follow him about with a glass of wine giving helping and chatting and listening music. Fridays became our thing not long after we met.
Then we watch TV and I usually fall asleep on him. Saturdays he might playhis sport or we go for a hike, garden, shop etc and either cook dinner again or go out. Play a game or even do a jigsaw which I know sounds daft but we both enjoy.
Once in a blue moon he will have a night out with his pals , usually starting early and he will give me a call about 9 to cadge a lift to McDonald's then home. He does the same for me.

My ex DH used to do same as your partner, for years , in fact all my DSs lives. We split when they were 8 and 11. I was incredibly lonely and used to sit alone all weekend wondering if he would come home and what state he would be in . Eventually at least 5 nights a week. He was cheating of course too.
Yet presented his family life as perfect to others. Yet behind closed doors he wasn't interested in family life. It was a sad life for me and I look back now very thankful that I got out when I did.

I put up with this and then laid down an ultimatum cos I’d had enough and he was shocked that I felt like that which was utter bollocks. I didn’t want us to be in each others pockets either but one day would have been nice but nope every weekend he’d be in the pub. Plus we both worked full time too.

he knew just didn’t care enough

So he threatened to take the kids of me which I laughed at
threatened to take the house again I laughed
started being the best dad to the kids that didn’t last by the way

he became Disney dad and no overnights ever he said it was to stop me having fun the bastard his words.

kids are now adults and don’t see him at all

my go to was invite friends over not the kids one my friends, I am an outgoing person and I met a variety of folks on walks or evenings out cos I had babysitters. I still do walking holidays with friends without my husband.

he tried for 6-9 months to get me back cos he loved me yeah not enough to be with me just in the pub with his mates and taking no responsibility for his kids that we made.

he is single and says I’m the one that got away and I’m like thank fuck for that.