What are your DH’s normally doing on a Friday and Saturday nights?

[BroughttoyoubyBerocca]

My DH seems to go out every Friday and Saturdays nights and Sunday afternoons. Always to a pub, sometimes/often watching football. I’m lonely, fed up, feeling used tbh.

What are other Dads doing? What can we be doing as a family on a weekend night together that’s fun? Im struggling, he just seems to want to go to work, pub at weekends and leave everything else up to me. He wanted kids, pushed for ttc 2nd before I suggested it.

I can’t see that I would benefit in anyway divorcing yet this feels like either a shit marriage or I married someone who doesn’t actually want family life. If we divorce I’m wise off financially and alone more often.

I’ve tried pointing out to him that the guys that he is drinking with are not happily married family men but seems to fall on deaf ears. Kids are 9 and 11. Both of us work full time, both stressful jobs, I’m the bigger earner, no family living nearby.

You are exhausted and resentful. If you split you wouldn’t have to carry the resentment. You could focus that energy on yourself.

Last night DP had 8 friends over to watch the boxing with a few drinks. I was in work,

But when he's home from working away, and I'm not in work. Friday is usually both watching something together with a takeaway or meal on the Friday, sat we would sometimes go to the local pub together.

DC's are teens though, and not DP's children so we often have child free time either weekends or midweek.

For example, next Tuesday we are heading to the next big city to do some shopping,

Have your spoke to your DH? Told him how you're feeling?

That sounds rubbish, when do you get to go out? I would be insisting I got some time off, even if you just go for a drive or sit in a park with a book. I wouldn't mind the socialising so much as I like to do my own thing, but I would be pissed off if he was hungover and it affected our weekend.

We don't tend to do much on weekend evenings, both will usually be busy with hobbies (mostly at home) or watch something either alone or together. We don't get much childcare time and all our friends have young children so nights out together are rare.

Sunday afternoons are family time, we'll usually do a day trip or visit family. Today we're taking MIL out for lunch then going for a family walk by a river. Pre-kids we might have gone to the pub with friends, but rarely now as it's far from relaxing!

My hubby has a hobby most Fridays but I knew they from the first date lol!! Saturday nights he tends to be at home and we potter around together

My husband and I go to the pub together at weekends. Children are teens/20s so can fend for themselves and get pizzas etc. we have a great social life and the pub in our village is very popular so we go Friday and Saturday and usually have Sunday lunch out too. It's early doors though on Fri and Sat. Out at 5 ish, home by 8ish for dinner and tv.

When they were younger we got paid babysitters or stayed in.

Why not invite friends with kids over?

What's the point of him in the relationship?

At least you'd not be seething and resentful if you split up.

We stay in or go out together. If we're in, we usually watch TV or a film, glass of wine at weekends. If out usually a meal or cinema.
We do go out on our own, but not that often.

He goes to a judo club on Friday and I have a night out/see a mate/go gym/have food and wine in front of the tv/PlayStation

Saturday we veg together, go out for a meal, cinema or visit family or friends together.

Nice to have a separate night and a together night for balance

This isn't set in stone either we are both flexible

DH and I might occasionally socialise separately during the week but Friday nights and weekends are family time. If we socialise then we almost invariably do it together (though DCs are late teens so usually doing their own thing now). Your H is behaving like a single man.

That sounds really lonely, I wouldn't like that at all either. Friday nights we are normally cracking open a bottle of something once our 5 month old is asleep and having a takeaway whilst watching whatever series we've started, and then Saturday afternoons are spent with family visiting and lots of time playing outside with little one and the pup plus a walk at some point. Sky Sports is always on so we'll have the live matches on in the background, make a nice dinner and religiously watch the 1% club followed by a film or something else (last night was a late one watching the boxing). Then Sundays are chores, shopping etc followed by a huge roast! Can you and your DH find a compromise where you have one weekend night and one full weekend day together and maybe alternate each of you deciding what you'd like to do? You could get the children involved as well, maybe get them to write a list of things they'd like to do and pick one per weekend?

That's really shit OP, I wouldn't be happy with that. Kids are a similar age, we always have dinner together, Friday night tends to be wind down time for all of us so usually separate gaming or TV, DH will come down and spend the last hour of the evening with me. Saturdays we tend to do something together as a family or a couple, watch a film or our NY resolution this year was to do a takeaway and board game night once a month which we have stuck to pretty well.

DH and I have quite different interests and can happily spend most of an evening apart, but he always comes down for part of the evening and makes an effort to do something together if we've not in a while, we tend to have a kid free weekend once a month too so we will find something to do together on those nights.

What can we be doing as a family on a weekend night together that’s fun? Im struggling, he just seems to want to go to work, pub at weekends and leave everything else up to me. He wanted kids, pushed for ttc 2nd before I suggested it

He pushed for more children because he knew his life wasn't going to change, so why should he care. Yes, sure let's have more kids, well he would say that wouldn't he.

he has opted out of family life because for men that's always available to them. They tend to hold down the main job / career so they escape during the week and then slink out over the weekend to "unwind" after a hard week.

Its pointless comparing yourself to MNers who have balanced fully shared relationships with their DH, it only serves to make you feel worse.

you could try dragging him kicking and screaming to parenthood, but if his behaviour comes from his own background where he didn't have a positive family life in his own past, he's unlikely to replicate that, he doesn't have the blueprint. If he did have a positive family life as a child then he has no excuse and it's unforgivable.

I’m starting to suspect that he just thinks that this is what people do, he hasn’t got any school friend Dad friends, the guys he meets up mostly either have grown up kids/no kids and not a single of them have a wife and kids at home.

How very convenient for him. The whole reason he probably chooses these kinds of guys to hang out with is so he doesn't feel guilty leaving his family at home and pissing off every weekend because there'll be no "family" talk. Putting it bluntly, he really isn't interested in spending time with you or the kids and wants to have his single life back. You might not feel ready to leave him just yet, but give it time and you will. You deserve more.

We usually go out (together) one weekend eve and are in (together) on the other one.

We do go out without the other but it’s usually a weekday eve, occasionally a Friday, and not every week. Definitely not every Friday and Saturday.

It’s not about you trying to make it fun for him to stay home. He ought to choose that.

In your shoes I’d join a Friday or Saturday evening club of some sort and tell him he’s doing childcare those evenings.

That sounds shit, I'm sorry. On a Friday or Saturday night we're normally at home together. Our DCs are the same age roughly as yours. We watch films, he plays computer games with DC whilst I read, we get a takeaway or DH cooks us something nice. Once a month or so we'll send the DC to grandparents and go out for dinner, the cinema, theatre or a gig. Or we have friends over, we go to their houses but it's together. Sometimes one of us goes out on our own but only a few times a year. What he's doing isn't normal, none of my friends husband's do that either. They might go to the football during the day but are home at night. I would speak to him, he's acting like a single man. Or arrange things for yourself and the DCS so you're not at home feeling resentful and pissed off - rightly so !

Same here. We enjoy being our family unit and doing stuff together. Once dc are in bed then we enjoy watching a movie, chatting, just relaxing.

And your dc are at such a lovely age- movie nights, board games, building Lego, even going out in the evenings for a walk as the weather is lovely too. My ds is 8 and we absolutely love that he can do so much more now.

I divorced one like this and it couldn't come quick enough. Selfish, child like, irresponsible people are useless in family life. He did a slightly better job having access every 2nd weekend. 20 years later my current DH will be out in garden with me having some wine, cooking us dinner, dancing with me, watching movies or just talking and laughing. He's been there for me and my DC the entire time and we all know he puts us first. The other type never change and ime resent and blame you when you don't validate their infantile needs and behaviour.

Depends if he is 30,000 over the Atlantic, making sure everything is ok.

Fridays we are usually tired so just watch a bit of telly, in bed before 11.

Saturday/Sunday daytime is usually park or visit grandparents. Occasionally a day out all with kids plus catching up on house stuff.

Saturday night we normally watch a film or listen to music .

Dh goes out maybe 3 times a year with his mates usually a night away. I probably go out about every month or so. We probably go out together every couple of months either a party or a meal out usually.

We're usually together. Sometimes we'll go out but often just share a bottle of wine, cook dinner, watch a film or perhaps a bbq in the summer. Of course we do see friends out and in and we do have time apart to see friends individually but to be honst I'm happiest at home with DP. Your DH's behaviour is not normal and neither of you are happy. I think you need to sit down and speak some home truths.

DH works shifts, so if he isn't at work it's mostly us both trying to stay awake 😆

He goes out maybe once a month or so with friends to London so will be out all day/evening.

Friday nights I have training so he's home with the kids.

I will see my friends maybe once every couple of months for a night out, but all my friends are the ones I go training with anyway.

Honestly, your DH is taking the piss.

That’s too much OP. We both enjoy going out to meet friends separately and have always taken it in turns to do this, since our twins were a couple of months old. And also doing family stuff and going out together, baby sitters permitting.

They're grown up now and left home, and we still do a mixture of things. I was out thurs night, he was out Friday night. We went out for dinner with joint friends last night.

I wouldn’t be happy if he was in the pub all weekend.

When our kids were younger.

A typical H weekend (and yes he worked long hours earning almost all the cash and was tired but he didn't want to miss his children's childhood and wanted to set a good example, he dropped them into school during primary because it's all he could do towards their schooling)

Friday
Swing by local on own on way home for a couple of lone wolf pints - home 8pm latest - kids usually ready for bed not asleep especially at 9 and 11, he would read and talk to them in bed for up to an hour, he would listen to all their news from school, i could hear the laughing and howling "settling" it was not.

Saturday
Up early for youngster football
Home for late breakfast
We would all go out or he would do science experiments with kids, ball in garden.
We might even go for an afternoon drink at local, say hello to the regular puppies.
Eat, watch a film with popcorn

Sunday
Later start, all go swimming they would have a lesson whilst we did lengths, general swim afterwards.
Watch sport in afternoon
Family roast
Board games
TV
Bed

Yes he had special nights out
Yes we sometimes had lie ins, him more than me I am a morning person
I could go out for a day and he would well basically let the kids do what they wanted

He would walk them to park and get a magazine and ice cream on way back

He would, still does, book days out for us all.

There is absolutely no fucking way we would still be together or the kids would look up to him like they do now if he spent all weekend in the pub. If he wanted to do that then he could hook line and sinker, he would not be coming back to a home to cooked food, looked after kids, clean clothes, stocked fridge, whilst what bragging in pub he loves his kids and is a great dad!?! He could do all that being the eternal bachelor he wants to be. Not as much fun if you have to go food shopping, wash your own pants, buy a kebab on the way home. But he knew I wouldn't put up with that nonsense before we got pregnant. His dad was useless and he wanted to be the opposite.