What are your DH’s normally doing on a Friday and Saturday nights?

[BroughttoyoubyBerocca]

My DH seems to go out every Friday and Saturdays nights and Sunday afternoons. Always to a pub, sometimes/often watching football. I’m lonely, fed up, feeling used tbh.

What are other Dads doing? What can we be doing as a family on a weekend night together that’s fun? Im struggling, he just seems to want to go to work, pub at weekends and leave everything else up to me. He wanted kids, pushed for ttc 2nd before I suggested it.

I can’t see that I would benefit in anyway divorcing yet this feels like either a shit marriage or I married someone who doesn’t actually want family life. If we divorce I’m wise off financially and alone more often.

I’ve tried pointing out to him that the guys that he is drinking with are not happily married family men but seems to fall on deaf ears. Kids are 9 and 11. Both of us work full time, both stressful jobs, I’m the bigger earner, no family living nearby.

Our child is still young so we're at home together. A typical weekend at the moment is the cricket club on a Friday after school as a family, our child plays cricket and we watch and have a drink from the side. There are a few of the other school mums/dad's who go, so it's a nice way for us to socialise and the kids to play together.

Saturday is normally a family day out, we will head to a big park, beach, go for walks etc. Saturday evenings our son goes to sleep about 8pm so we will watch a film.

Sunday mornings my partner plays golf, he purposely plays at 7am in the morning so he can be home for dinner time. We can do something again as a family if we want to.

There will be odd weekends where one of us will have something socially with friends, or we will have a date night, but the majority of the time we are home as a family. I wouldn't be happy or put up with what your DH does.

Usually at home in the evenings with the odd night out but I’m on my own a lot during the day at weekends as one day he’s out with sports (kids for an hour then his for 3) and the other day he works. I don’t mind pottering around at home on my own with the kids but I find it really boring taking them out (especially to the park etc) by myself.

What would he say if you arranged to go out one of the evenings with your friends? Would he be happy to stay home so that you could go out?

DH is always at Home, every Weekend. With our 3 DCs, We do 'jobs' (gardening, shopping etc..) on a Saturday then always have a day out for the DCs on Sunday. He hasn't been out at Night since January - a real Homebody!

Have children of similar ages, we spend it together always. Last month or so we have had family game nights/film/ Museums/national trust/ shopping trips/ restaurant/ bowling/ picnics and park days/ bbq night/ VR night

Typically Friday nights are date nights (dinner, cinema, theatre etcwhere it is just the pair of us. Saturdays we usually hook up with friends at the pub, rugby match, bbq etc. About once a month we both have a boy/girls night out. We don't have kids.

That does sound shitty, I’m sorry

my dh does sometimes go out but it’s quite rare. Ditto me going out and both of us going out together.

we make an effort to watch a film or game together on a Saturday but often do on a Friday or Sunday too. Also quite often go for a family walk. Take it in turns to take kids to various activities. But mostly dh is at home, getting on with the never ending list of DIY and being around the kids too.

These days we seldom go out, it's so expensive. So weekends tend to be tv, films, eating, reading. When the girls were little we'd occasionally go out with friends but we spent so much time apart during the week we both enjoyed just being together with the girls.

Could you start planning a night out for yourself on a Friday or Saturday night? I know you would be happier pottering around at home but it might break his habit and also force him to smarten up and take care of his kids..see you as a real person not his housekeeper.
Is your sister/ friend around for a cinema visit or a quiet drink?
I doubt he would go to a counsellor but it's worth suggesting it as it might wake him up to the reality of pending divorce!
He is totally out of order heading out but it becomes a habit and something different needs to happen to break that.

One of my kids has a hobby that mean travel and weekend stay overs the other child has football, playing and watching matches so my dh caters for both.
I never see him or the kids at weekend as they are always off somewhere together.
Probably every weekend his time is devoted to this.
He does 95% of the child care in our relationship.

Hanging out with me with both of us having separate nights out maybe 10 times a year. Couldn't be with someone like that OP. Many of the wives in your position just ended up joining their husband and becoming drinkers, not recommended

He obviously doesn't like spending time with you which is sad. He's needing to escape. Time for a big chat

DH works some weekends, but on the ones where he’s not working he’s normally here and we are doing stuff together. I am a theatre nerd so will once a month or so have theatre tickets for something he doesn’t want to see and will go with a friend that falls on a Friday or Saturday. If it’s in London he’ll often bring DS up in the afternoon with me and they’ll go off and do something else in London at the same time. Occasionally I take DS away to stay with my side of the family who all live miles away and Dh stays at home with the dog. He rarely makes social arrangements at the weekend without us, unless it’s going to see something boring with his Dad 🤣🤣

Mostly drinking gin and watching tv with me.

Now and again we will both go out and leave kids with GPs.

Or one of us might have a night out with friends.

No good advice really except you mentioned you were fat. Try and get yourself in shape and work on your self esteem. You are good enough and if your husband has checked out you need to be mentally and physically fit to move on x

My DP went to a forte piano and baroque violin concert in a cold church an hour's drive away last night. I could have gone too.....

You've listed the negatives of a divorce, but not the positives.
You wouldn't have to live with negativity and bitterness, you would be free and in peace, you would be role modelling to your children that this misogyny, selfishness, thoughtlessness and sexism is not acceptable.
Have you double checked what you would be entitled to child maintenance wise, assuming he'd be a EOW type dad. You would also get that weekend to go out and enjoy yourself. If you're using any childcare, those costs will very soon be disappearing.
Also, you're comparing divorce to a happily family life. But that isn't the comparison you have able. Yours is divorce vs arsehole husband.

Friday and Saturday nights were always our "date nights" when we first met. Neither of us went out pubbing with other people and still don't.

As the time passed, "date nights" to pubs/restaurants on Fridays/Saturdays turned into staying at home on the sofa watching a video, which is basically what we still do 35+ years later.

The only times we've gone out separately over all that time has been to things like work leaving do's, work parties etc., where it was staff only, no partners invited, and I can probably count on one hand how many times that happened!

We are together most weekends. We do a mix of jobs and family time. Our kids are teens so sometimes we go off and do things together (a walk or paddleboarding that kids don’t want to do!). If we go for a meal it’s usually all 4 of us.

The odd weekend he will go to our caravan with a friend or one of the kids (we have adult children too) as he likes going to the stock cars and I’m not interested. I also sometimes have an evening out or weekend away with a friend.

I think you need to talk to him about a compromise. He’s acting like a single man!

I'm petty so I'd be going out every Friday and Saturday and see how he feels about it. He obviously expects you to provide the childcare and has no thought of what would happen if you didn't.
My DH and I 'ask' each other if we're going out. Really it's just a heads up, but if the other person is dropping their parenting duties then it's courteous to check. It also acknowledges the joint duty to care for the children, which yours doesn't seem to accept.

We both work full time in busy jobs, kids are 2 and 6. So come Friday and Saturday nights we pig out on sofa. Last night we actually went to bed at 9pm as so tired.
I do go out with friends sometimes. In all honesty I force myself to go as I know I will enjoy when I get there but think we are at a tiring stage in life 😂
my dh very rarely goes out, I actually try to encourage him to go out as worry he has little time out.
I wouldn’t be too pleased in your situation x

It’s not normal for a man with a family
to be in the pub every Friday, Saturday and Sunday, no. Tell him.

This weekend? Asleep Friday and Saturday night from 8pm after tea and a bath.

He's a shift worker and has to be be up at 4am for his 10 hour shift (and 45 minute commute each way).

When he's not working a weekend then it's usually a "swift half" at our local on his way home, food shopping (he's the main cook in our household and likes to choose the fresh ingredients) cooking dinner eating it with a glass of wine then bed by 9pm (those early shifts play havoc with his body clock).

I disagree with all the 'tell him it's not acceptable' type responses. What's the point? Where's the value? He already know sand can't care less. He has no desire to spend any time with his family. What is the point of forcing it?
A decent man wants to. You can't turn him in to someone decent. He's not.

We are in London and DC are grown, so the two of us do a lot of fun stuff like going to the theatre, comedy, music, meeting friends for dinner and so on. Or a box set at home.

Fridays and Saturdays are evenings we spend together by default unless either of us has organised something with friends , either together or separately. DH tends to be out on weeknights quite often as his job involves quite a bit of client entertaining or him being entertained.

When the kids were young he made a point of trying to be home with us on a Friday and Saturday night to make up for being away during the week.

We usually go out for a curry or pizza and sometimes to a small local bar that puts on DJ nights so we go to the ones where we particularly like the music genre so we can have a good evening of dancing.

The kids no longer want to spend time with us unless it's a celebration as they are 15 and 18 now. Occasionally we take DD15 to the cinema.

DH has record club he goes to every 6 weeks on a Friday and one Saturday a month he does to an open slot DJ night ( sometimes I go too) and one Sunday a month is a family open slot DJ afternoon ( kids could come and DJ for a 15 min slot if they wanted to but it's seems to be the early teens who like it rather than the older ones)