To stop seeing him for this comment...

[PinkCardigan93]

Met a guy OLD. He comes across really genuine and we've had a few dates and things have been going well.

Last date was a meal and drinks, and then things were hotting up so he suggested we go back to my flat. I said absolutely no way - as my flat wasn't prepared for a guest and I like to make it pristine for visitors etc. I hadn't expected the date to turn that way.

Anyway, he said he didn't mind / wouldn't judge so we went back to mine. Spent the night together and had a lovely time, and I actually couldn't get rid of him the next morning as he wanted to stay longer.

Now here comes the comment - we were cuddling on the sofa, eating breakfast, he started to say I was beautiful etc, and then went '...could your flat be tidier? Maybe! But it's fine! It doesn't matter' and carried on talking about how beautiful he thinks I am.

This does not sit well with me. I told him initially I didn't want him to come back to my flat as I hadn't tidied it up to 'guest' level. Also, my flat wasn't filthy / unclean / untidy. It just also wasn't pristine ie there was laundry waiting to be folded in the living room and my kids toys on the floor.

I have to also add to this - I am a single mum who works three jobs with no support. He is 33 AND LIVES WITH HIS PARENTS! And he made a comment that my flat could be tidier!!!

I genuinely don't know how he had the audacity to make that comment, and it's making me question whether or not to see him again. I am aware he could have awkwardly been trying to compliment me and it came off wrong. He does seem like a nice person.

What are your thoughts?

Not keen on the fact he still lives with his parents at his age, that's fairly odd.
Yes the COL, but that isn't going away.
He should be living in a flat-share/house-share at the very least.
The last thing you need is a man who has never lived independently before.
If he went to Uni, that was likely over 10 years ago.

The OP didn't say that he STILL lives with his parents. Just that he lives with them. This could mean he has had to move back more recently for reasons.

@JJathome
**
Surely if he’s still,there at 33 he’s dependent. Dependent on you providing a home as he can’t home himself?

yes but that would be through circumstance, not emotional or financial dependence. A great many young people are priced out of the market, especially if they are in a sector that is contract based, not “employed”.
It’s unlikely anyway as his sector will probably take him overseas.
Being “at home” at 33 these days certainly doesn’t suggest that someone is somehow deficient.

Just because he lives at home currently doesn't mean he has always been there, though.

I wasn't always at home. I lived away for university and then with a partner- my relationship ended and now I either pay extortionate rent and never save a deposit to buy, because I don't have anyone to 'help' or gift me a deposit... or live at home for now.

It's not outside the realms of possibility that he's followed a similar path. It really doesn't automatically make him a loser.

I think it's very easy for some people to sit in their own homes, which they bought when the economic climate was much more favourable than it is now, and go 'oh ha ha ha they still live at home'.

I know very few single people that have been able to buy, and almost all of my friends are highly educated professionals. If some of you had been born 20 years later I'd hazard a guess that you would probably be in the same predicament. The market has changed rapidly and it is simply much harder for my generation than it was for my parents - my dad had a manual building type job and my mum worked in a launderette when I was born, and they had their own house. The idea of that is largely laughable now!

I'd rather be 33 living with my parents than a single mum with 3 jobs 💁🏽‍♀️

It’s not either or.

I'd have assumed he was making a joke based on the previous night's conversation. The sort of thing you'd both laugh about. Not a genuine dig. Certainly not an insult.

I'd be more concerned he was insistent on coming back to yours after you said no.

The fact he lives with his parents would be the biggest no for me personally, but then I was living independently from 16 so I don’t have much time for the cost excuses. I would never want to have a guy move straight from his parents house into mine, especially in your situation, with kids involved. On top of that him being hard to get rid of the next day isn’t great. I’m not saying sack him off, but proceed with caution!

Tell that to the OP

You probably won't forget this comment now, but you could set it aside and see how your next few dates go. You don't know him well enough to know whether it was intended as a humorous throw away remark or a nasty dig or something else. You had said that you hadn't tidied up as well as usual so perhaps he was referring to that.