To stop seeing him for this comment...

[PinkCardigan93]

Met a guy OLD. He comes across really genuine and we've had a few dates and things have been going well.

Last date was a meal and drinks, and then things were hotting up so he suggested we go back to my flat. I said absolutely no way - as my flat wasn't prepared for a guest and I like to make it pristine for visitors etc. I hadn't expected the date to turn that way.

Anyway, he said he didn't mind / wouldn't judge so we went back to mine. Spent the night together and had a lovely time, and I actually couldn't get rid of him the next morning as he wanted to stay longer.

Now here comes the comment - we were cuddling on the sofa, eating breakfast, he started to say I was beautiful etc, and then went '...could your flat be tidier? Maybe! But it's fine! It doesn't matter' and carried on talking about how beautiful he thinks I am.

This does not sit well with me. I told him initially I didn't want him to come back to my flat as I hadn't tidied it up to 'guest' level. Also, my flat wasn't filthy / unclean / untidy. It just also wasn't pristine ie there was laundry waiting to be folded in the living room and my kids toys on the floor.

I have to also add to this - I am a single mum who works three jobs with no support. He is 33 AND LIVES WITH HIS PARENTS! And he made a comment that my flat could be tidier!!!

I genuinely don't know how he had the audacity to make that comment, and it's making me question whether or not to see him again. I am aware he could have awkwardly been trying to compliment me and it came off wrong. He does seem like a nice person.

What are your thoughts?

Yes, I agree.

No man falls in love faster than one that needs a place to live

My point is not that theres anything wrong with staying at home (imo so long as they HAVE lived independently before, I don't see the issue).

My point is that cheats may say they are living with parents when infact, it's the wife. To keep you from going back there and finding out. So do your due diligence and check them out as much as you can.

Agree with pps that its not good that he managed to end up at yours when you'd given a firm 'no' and stated your reason. He's already tested your boundaries there.
Plus he commented on the very thing you were sensitive about, the house not being neat and tidy...no need for that at all.
Finally as an independent, hard working single Mum you won't have much in common with a guy still living at home with Mum and Dad and who would most likely be angling to be living with you before you knew it! I'd be passing on this one.

I don’t think this comment was bad. You were talking about the flat not being tidy, and it sounds like he - jokingly - referred back to this conversation and reassured you that it doesn’t matter whether or not you have tidied up before having him over. It would be a different matter if you’d never mentioned anything about the flat being untidy, but you already agreed that it was untidy because you were not expecting visitors, in this context I don’t find the comment judgemental.

No I'd take it that he was reassuring you that it didn't matter about your flat.
If you visit shrine and they say 'excuse the mess' you then say 'oh that's fine it doesn't matter' . Yes might of been better if he didn't mention it at all but maybe you said something that morning that you don't recall that prompted him.

The fact that he didn't take no for an answer is what should be upsetting.

He paid you a compliment.

Could your flat be tidier? Yes it could but just being with you outweighs any untidiness.

Looks like you want something g to attack him for.

Also, if you have no support where is your child when you're bringing men back?

I think he was clumsily trying to reassure you
I think you took his comment the wrong way

“Seaoftroubles · Today 13:21
Agree with pps that its not good that he managed to end up at yours when you'd given a firm 'no' and stated your reason. He's already tested your boundaries there.
Plus he commented on the very thing you were sensitive about, the house not being neat and tidy...no need for that at all.
Finally as an independent, hard working single Mum you won't have much in common with a guy still living at home with Mum and Dad and who would most likely be angling to be living with you before you knew it! I'd be passing on this one.”

This. He should have respected your boundaries. You should have maintained your boundaries. You sound a bit vulnerable.

Agree with PP that I absolutely don't think he was criticising your flat's tidiness. He was trying to tell you that he's not judging you on something YOU were worried he'd judge you for; he likes you as a person. (If he's said that about your flat if the subject of how tidy it was hadn't come up before, that would be entirely different and I'd agree with your reaction)

I think his comment was probably a joke, but I do find it strange that he didn’t take no for an answer when he asked to go home with you.

I think he was just reassuring you it was fine after you'd said you didn't want him to see it a mess.

I wouldn't get involved with a man who needed somewhere to live though, especially one keen to get back to yours earlier than you were.

This man has been accused of pressuring op for sex and having a secret wife at home and being a big ol' man baby because he lives at his parents.

He's literally done nothing wrong except make a clumsy joke about op's flat and he's been hung drawn and quartered on here lol.

It's fine, he's joking. Lots of people live with their parents later in life now. I think it's nice when parents can afford to support their kids long term. One of my good friends is about the same age and lived with his parent for almost a decade after uni, he saved very hard during that time and bought his own house without a mortgage at early thirties.
I met my partner when he lived at home with his mum, in our early twenties, and he isn't some dribbling incompetent man baby because he went from living with at his parents straight to living with me.

Huh lots my age range friend wise live at home again because it's cheaper nothing wrong with that they all work full time etc and parents are happy to have them help with there bills. Anyhow he made a light comment nothing to be worried about glad you had a nice night 😊

The comment wouldn't bother me but the fact that I couldn't get rid of him the next day would. I would be very wary of a grown man who lives with parents and seems to make himself at home that quickly.

If I say I don’t want you to come back to my flat for whatever reason, I expect you to accept this, whether it’s for a game of Monopoly or sex, not try to persuade me my reason doesn’t matter to you.

And yes to this.

Living at home at 33 is fine in this day and age IMO

Truth be told a lot of people couldn’t afford to leave the family home if it wasn’t for the fact they have a partner to share rent with , or if they have children due to the top up benefits they get.

But if he’s single and child free and not entitled to any benefits it can be a squeeze financially and he may understandably not want flatmates.

For the sake of my mental health I left home at age 19 as living with strangers was challenging but better than living at home. but I can understand why some people who have more harmonious family homes stay there until they meet someone. I’d expect him to have decent savings towards a deposit though!

My first thought was he’s negging you but then I read it again and I think he probably meant well but it came out wrong. Its
hard to tell though as I don’t know him and wasn’t there to hear his tone etc to know if it was a subtle dug. either way I agree with PP it’s more a cause for concern him insisting on coming back to you’d when you’d initially said no.

Exactly. I would not like it.

I'd think he was referencing your comment about you wanting your flat to be tidier - he was saying that there was no need to make it any tidier than it was.

If you respect him less because he lives with his parents, or because he's not at the same stage of adult responsibility as you, then this might not be a good match, though.

To be honest it strikes me as a clumsy attempt to reassure you about something he thought you were insecure about. I think because you already felt that way, him saying that just made you feel even more exposed as it were. I do understand why you are upset, but personally I would give him the benefit of the doubt.

I would like to say that I think some of the comments here about him living with his parents are unfair. There can be lots of legitimate reasons why an adult still lives with their parents - helping to care for them, inability to afford their own housing, disabilities etc. Not every adult living at home is bone idle or incompetent, and you really should get to know someone before making those kinds of assumptions in my opinion.

Or he's starting again which is no mean feat in today's housing market.
Why oh why does everyone on here always jump to the conclusion that all men no matter what are all cheaters/wimps/mummies boys/narcs etc. No wonder mumsnet has a name for being full of misandists.

I think it was a poorly judged joke but this I would 100% have an issue with and not continue to date

He is 33 AND LIVES WITH HIS PARENTS!

Why not start again before dating?