Accused of cheating

[Nl88]

My partner has told me that someone has sent him information about me, he is alluding to it being about me cheating. He won’t tell me who sent it, what it even is, not a single detail but is telling me to come clean and be honest. I have not did a single thing I cannot understand what this would be at all and it concerns me that it is false and I can’t take any action regarding it and can’t understand why my partner won’t provide me with any detail. This is not the first time it’s happened. The last time put me through hell I felt like I was going insane trying to prove my innocence but didn’t even know what I was trying to disprove, it drove me crazy and I am still suffering the effects of that time and it’s happening again. It makes no sense at all and I am so confused and sad and hurt.

Are you sure the ‘someone’ is not your partner.?
Not sure if I believe that anyone sent him anything.

Yeah, I also don't believe there has been a message. It feels like he is making it up to test you.

Excuse me, this isn't the first time he's put you through this and yet you're still with him? Get rid.

He's lying to you. It's control. He's testing your loyalty.

I'm assuming the last time he did this, you never found out what you 'did', but found yourself apologising until he was satisfied?

>> the hills

Run

It's simple. Tell him the truth, that there's nothing to tell, and that he has to trust you or end it. If he insists on staying and doubting you, I think you should end it

@Hadjab i never ever found out what it was the last time I just found myself reassuring him and sort of fighting my way back in to his good books like I had to prove myself somehow. I just can’t understand why he would make it up but also can’t understand why he wouldn’t just give me all the information and show me if he had something.

@Nl88 The other posters are right. He is abusing you, and using a made up story to terrorise you.
And it's worked in the past, so he'll keep playing this nasty game to keep you terrified and at his mercy.

Can you get out and leave him? Is that something you'd consider doing?

Because it’s enormously good fun and has you on the back foot, grovelling and emphatically not analysing his behaviour

@spookehtooth i have said this. He is telling me I need to just admit and the only thing that will give me a chance is honesty. But I am being honest and it’s driving me crazy because I feel like I’m trying to defend and explain something that I didn’t do and I don’t even know what I’m being accused of. When thiz happened before it wore me down so much I felt like he was wanting me to confess to something I hadn’t even done it made me so paranoid like people were saying things about me but I didn’t know who or what and it drove me crazy I’ve literally only just settled from the last time.

Wow that’s really fucked up. You need to get out OP

He's really nasty and super controlling. I'm take worried for your safety.
Please contact Women's Aid and talk to them about what's he's doing. Sometimes we need an outside objective opinion to show how batshit something is.

Othello syndrome.

He's mentally ill.

How successful anyone has ever been at treating Othello syndrome, I don't know.

I wouldn't be hanging around for years of abuse.

He's a fuckin weirdo. He's doing this to guilt trip you and manipulate you into something you haven't done. Do not act like this is worrying or bothering you because he will use it against you. If you've done nothing wrong you've got nothing to worry about. Tell him to stick it up his ass and get away from this freak of a man. Do not fall for this trap.

He's gas lighting you, he's abusive and you need to end it. This gives him power over you - he has information about you that he won't tell you. The information doesn't even exist but it still puts him in a position of power. He is breaking you down until your self esteem is in tatters, don't let that happen.

He's emotionally abusing you. There is no message or email, it's all bullshit. Leave him!

He’s trying to control and isolate you. You will Stop going out just to ‘prove’ you are not cheating and he then has you where he wants you. Tell him to stick it and come up with something a bit more concrete and carry on as normal. Personally, the relationship would be over.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pathologicaljealousy

Othello syndrome is listed under this.

Please note the risk of violence and worse.

I'd also say that cheaters sometimes become absolutely convinced their partners are cheating because of projection, fears of karma etc.

I’ve literally only just settled from the last time.

How long have you been seeing him?

What did he start this behaviour?

Do you live together, how easily can you split from him?

This happened to me OP so I have been you - feeling all the things you’re feeling and desperately trying to work out how to prove my innocence… and he did it to me again and again- even said he had photos of me having sex with another man….. then told me I’d given him a STI … months of this and I felt so low and so so sad. He started to set me tests of how to prove that I loved him. Not giving details on here but suffice to say that I did some pretty humiliating stuff to‘keep’ him. And then one day he suggested something I simply could never do and it was a lightbulb moment and I saw him for the psycho controlling bully he was.
PLEASE talk to your friends your family or to us on this platform and save yourself from what I put myself through. He does not love you he loves himself and he gets off on the control he has over you because he knows you love him.

I know it's immature but I don't think I could resist doing this back to him before dumping him.

Sir him down and say totally seriously that you've now received information about him.cheating on you. Does he think someone is trying to break you up?

That the information is very detailed and realistic and you're giving him one chance to tell the truth, that's the only way your relationship might survive. I'd use every one of his stupid statements (and excuses for why he can't produce this info) back at him and see how he likes to be in the receiving end of this nonsense, being accused, being threatened with losing the relationship.

Ultimately though, his behaviour means you have to end the relationship. I don't think I've ever heard of anyone ceasing this type of behaviour. It's a mental illness.

So…. He’s been sent proof so definitive that you’re cheating that rather than ending things with you, he’s sticking around for you to “come clean”…? Just read that back to yourself because it makes f-all sense. He either has proof or he hasn’t. If he has, why is he sticking around or at the very least why isn’t he presenting you with this “proof” to show you you’ve been caught in a lie? If he hasn’t got proof then he’s a controlling, manipulative bully wanting you to plead and beg for his love like some kind of animal.
After the first time he tried this technique and the damage it did to you, you know full well this doesn’t end well and will keep happening. Call his bluff and get out of this toxic relationship now.
He doesn’t even sound too bright playing this game TWICE…..

Hmmm this sounds dodgy. I did genuinely get messages about my now ex along the same vein but I showed him the first time and the second time HE refused to look. Being sent a message is awful but I went to him to ask about it and show him rather than accuse first but the second time I did wonder why someone would do it but he did not want to know so a different situation I guess. It sounds like he is fabricating this to be honest otherwise he would show you the proof.

I'd be even more suspicious that it's all bullshit because you say you've only just settled from the last time. So he knows you've calmed down about that and he wants to keep you in that state of fear and trying to 'prove yourself' etc. I agree with everyone else who thinks he's made this up to control you and I really really hope you can see that and leave the bastard!