My boyfriend comments on other women

[Caw2024]

Hi, I'm 28 female. Partner is 29 male.

We've been together coming up 2 years in August

Over time I've noticed my boyfriend makes comments about other women but the comments are usually negative but still make me feel uncomfortable that he's even commenting.. here are some examples.

We were in a restaurant before, there was a women and man sat near us, the woman was quite fake looking. Fake lips, fake hair etc.. he said to me, look at her I'm glad you don't do all that.. it's discusting.

Another time we were walking down the street and there was a girl with bright bleached blonde hair. He said "I'm glad you don't do all that to your hair anymore, your hair is better your natural colour that you have now" (I use to have bleach blonde hair lol)

Another time there was a really skinny girl stood next to us, and when she left he said "I don't know why you always go on about losing weight.. you don't want to look like her do you! It's discusting"

There are a few more occasions these kind of comments have happened I'm not going to write them all. But why is he doing this! Why is he commenting on other women even in a negative way its so strange and really annoying me!

Because he’s a misogynist

Because he’s a misogynistic pig

Yep

He is a disgusting misogynist. Does he ever comment on men in the same way?

It's just not very pleasant is it? Who needs to know what he finds disgusting, that's something he should have learnt to keep to himself. I really hope that none of the women he comments on could have over heard what he was saying.

Because he’s a misogynistic pig twat

He sees women as objects op. All of his comments are about looks. He thinks the point of women is to be aesthetically pleasing to men. He doesn't actually realise they're actual human beings. I'm sure you haven't even considered this, but anybody with a balanced mind, would have dumped this man along time ago, given misogyny is a terrible trait, possibly the worst trait, and no misogynist should ever be boyfriend material.

What do you think he would think if you started making disparaging comments about men, only men, and only their appearance. 'Look how fat that man is, that's disgusting' 'omg, did you see his tattoos, utterly disgusting.'

To me the question is - is he voicing something you’d generally agree with but won’t say put loud?
We all look and quietly have opinions about others - but won’t necessarily voice them.
Overdone plastic surgery; weird (in our opinion) hair; body-shape - its not unusual to notice it. I do not agree that it is misogynistic.

Is your main issue that he sees and notices women other than you?
I think expecting him to not see people is unrealistic.

If it is more that you feel uncomfortable that he is discussing strangers - why not tell him?

@MMmomDD of course it's misogynist, given that the OP isn't complaining about an equal number of examples of him commenting on what he finds disgusting about men he sees.

Its him making nasty comments about people

But it's also the fact they are ALWAYS women! He never comments on men. Why is he looking at women and judging their appearance when he has a girlfriend he should be happy with.. other womens appearances are nothing to do with him!

He's also telling you what he expects from you. Sexist, unpleasant and controlling. He is not a nice man.

Given your update, and thus lack of understanding of any of the responses so far. Try to stop fixating on whether he likes you or not, and start thinking about whether you like him. And. Learn that you really really shouldn't. If/as it seems you do, please try to think back what has happened in your life to make you want to please a man who is literally telling you he's sexist and lacks any intelligence.

What a weird creepy little man. The subtle message could be for you to stay in your lane, his expectations on your appearance, but It could also be he’s staring at other women and making negative comments as a cover up, he fancies them and is covering it up with the negative comments as he’s eyeing them up.

Then you have your answer. He's judgemental and unpleasant about women. He doesn't do it about men - but clearly women are objects and he feels entitled to comment on what they look like. And write them off accordingly.

I'd end the relationship personally. He sounds shallow and nasty.

Because he’s a misogynistic pig twat idiot

OP - if you came on here saying BF always comments on attractive women and it's making me insecure. I'd say - he is disrespectful to be voicing his thoughts, but it is natural for people to notice opposite gender.

I'd also be telling you that being in a relationship does not stop our natural instincts and we can recognise other men/women being attractive without wanting to act on it.

In your case you insecurity seems to be deeper than that. You seem to be alarmed that he notices women in some general sense. You are not worried that he judges their appearance - as many comments on here mention. You worry is - "why is he noticing other women at all if he has a GF".
OP - with respect - this is an issue you need to deal with within yourself. As this will lead to years of jealousy and unhappiness with ANY partner.

I'd agree the comments of comparing you to the "strange" looking women (in his opinion) are a little weird. The part about referring it to you make him sound a big potentially controlling. But the fact of noticing overdone lips or hair are not really unusual. Most of us do it. We just don't say it,

Because he fundamentally believes that a women's worth is based on how ornamental she is.

It's misogyny. Does he think women exist to look sexually appealing to him? The absolute audacity

Because really he is a deeply unpleasant man. The women who looked fake, maybe her self esteem was low and she was making adjustments to make herself feel better, maybe she likes how she looks, maybe the skinny person has an eating disorder, or an illness stopping her from gaining weight, maybe she suffered a bereavement and was unable to eat, maybe she just wanted to be skinny. Who knows, why anyone chooses to look/dress/be they way they are. We all have reasons. I'm sure your boyfriend would judge me, for being overweight, with my grey roots showing, dressing like a 40 year old woman. I think worrying why he is looking at other women when he has a girlfriend is the least of your problems, to be honest.

I'd ditch him and tell him you hope your next boyfriend doesn't have an attitude like this because it's disgusting.

He’s a narrow minded judgmental sexist misogynistic prick and he’ll turn that attitude on you before long.

Definitely he’ll be in the ‘you’re not going out wearing that’ zone if he’s not already saying that.

Reading between the lines it seems, based on your examples, that he is using criticism of these women as a vehicle to tell you what you are not allowed to do
So far, you must not have lip fillers etc, blonde hair or be too skinny as this is "disgusting" to him.

It’s possible that in some roundabout way he’s trying to pay you a compliment. He likes you as you are, he thinks your natural self is lovely and you don’t need to lose weight/get lip fillers/bleach your hair etc.

Either that or he’s trying to cover his back because he’s clearly been looking at these women and would rather be caught judging than perving!

It would make me uncomfortable too.

Edited to add:

Remember that, to a lot of women, being considered “not like the other girls” is a compliment when coming from men. (Because girls are obviously all silly and vain, etc etc.)

Very possible he thinks he’s stroking your ego by putting other women down.

It rather narrows your options about which looks are acceptable for you, if you accept his line of thinking. What if you wanted to dye your hair again?

I think I'd be telling him that narrow mindedness and a judgemental attitude are the things that you find disgusting, before leaving him, saying you want someone more accepting of superficial matters.

Totally agree. Hes telling OP what he finds acceptable and what she's allowed’ to look like