My boyfriend comments on other women

[Caw2024]

Hi, I'm 28 female. Partner is 29 male.

We've been together coming up 2 years in August

Over time I've noticed my boyfriend makes comments about other women but the comments are usually negative but still make me feel uncomfortable that he's even commenting.. here are some examples.

We were in a restaurant before, there was a women and man sat near us, the woman was quite fake looking. Fake lips, fake hair etc.. he said to me, look at her I'm glad you don't do all that.. it's discusting.

Another time we were walking down the street and there was a girl with bright bleached blonde hair. He said "I'm glad you don't do all that to your hair anymore, your hair is better your natural colour that you have now" (I use to have bleach blonde hair lol)

Another time there was a really skinny girl stood next to us, and when she left he said "I don't know why you always go on about losing weight.. you don't want to look like her do you! It's discusting"

There are a few more occasions these kind of comments have happened I'm not going to write them all. But why is he doing this! Why is he commenting on other women even in a negative way its so strange and really annoying me!

my thoughts exactly.
test him and mention you’re thinking if dyeing your blonde.
his reaction will tell you all you need to know.

I'd guess it makes him feel important. Let me guess, he's a bit of a looser, hasn't achieved anything in life and putting other people (women) down makes him feel 'big.' What a catch!

You're his audience OP. You're validating this small man who thinks his opinions are important enough to be said out loud. 🤢

Because he's a misogynistic pig twat wank stain.

On the spot on the three first comment OP, he is misogynistic and it is telling you how you have to look and behave to meet his misogynist standards.

He sounds awful. Why the hell are you still with him? Nasty, petty little misogynist.

Leave him. Bleach your hair if you want. Love your life without this draining and negative sexist berk.

What do you say when he says it?

I can’t stand bitches, regardless of sex.

Tell him to STFU and stop acting like a little bitch.

It’s not funny, it’s not big and it’s not clever.
What a huge turn off.

I can’t stand bitches, regardless of sex

Tell him to STFU and stop acting like a little bitch

Wow. Was that meant to be relationship advice?!

Really bad idea to do this, @Caw2024 ! Hope you won't stoop so low.

@Caw2024 he is 100% a misogynist BUT I there is more.

He looks around at other woman and when he sees one he feels intimidated by or finds attractive, he has to put her down. This is in part because he is a tiny man but also as a manipulation tactic.

See, if you suddenly looked like the hot blonde or the curvy queen he secretly finds yummy, then you'd be too good for him. You might realise you have better options and leave him and he doesn't want you to do that.

He minimises the aspects of these woman to make sure that you don't compare and think yourself attractive and awesome. To also make himself feel better.

He's a right wee toad. His own deep rooted insecurities are bullshit and he's too old to still be acting like Regina George from Mean Girls just because his feelings are fwagile.

If he doesn't start showing signs of personal growth - dump and move on.

Sometimes these delicate menfolk turn the pig behaviour on their partners. They start saying mean things to the woman they're supposed to love and become controlling and the poor woman end up a diminished shadow who clings on because they think that is love.

Don't let that happen to you. Watch wee toad and the moment he starts on you, yeet his arse out and go find a nice Tom Hardy look-a-like to break your bedposts.

You should make a comment:” ohh look at that guy with a pot belly, it’s so disgusting! I’m soo happy you have some wash board abs!”, next day: “ ewwww… look at that guy with tattoos, he looks like an ex convict, how nasty, so glad you don’t have tattoos!”.

See what he sez.

He's disgusting, not other people.

It's just a horrible way to talk about other women. I wouldn't want to hear it at all. Does he ever have anything nice to say about anyone?

I similarly wouldn't want to hear comments out loud appreciating other women's appearance in a sexual way but this is about being really unkind. Especially as he never seems to describe men as 'disgusting' for having the wrong weight or hair colour. This indicates an entitlement.

Women are present to fit his parameters of attractive, demure, sexy, whatever. And so must you.

So it’s ok for him to be a misogynist arsehole and talk in a degrading way about women because he thinks they’re beneath him, and OP should just smile and agree?

It’s disgusting and OP should call him out on it.

Love this idea, I'm actually going to do this hahaha

@Choochoo21

If the only way of not 'smiling and agreeing' you can think of is to call someone a bitch, then yes, that would be the only option.

OP, there are many, many other options. It is disgusting, but it's not your job to educate him or 'call him out', unless you enjoy the position of 'moral authoritarian'. Your job is to look after yourself, and surround yourself with people who feel good to be around.

Love this idea, I'm actually going to do this hahaha

To what aim, op? How will it improve your position/situation?

As to face him with the exact thing he’s doing. He may be a jerk or he may be completely unaware he’s being a jerk, who knows. Give him a taste of his own medicine and see how he feels. Its a good way of opening the communication and starting a dialogue. Some men are thick.

Its a good way of opening the communication and starting a dialogue

No, it's passive aggressive, and stooping to his level, of which you strongly disapprove. If you want to open communication about the fact that you're uncomfortable with something he's doing, you tell him that. You don't 'give people a taste of their own medicine'; that's what kids do when they haven't learned to reason, yet.

And if you think your partner is 'thick', you leave him, unless you want a 'thick' partner!

Trying to change an adult to be the shape you want them to be rather that the shape they are isn't going to a) work or b) make you (or them) happy.

OP

Do not lower yourself to his base level by saying such things about men's appearance because it cheapens you as a person. You are better than this - or you should be.

Passive aggressive would be to do make snide comments about his misogynistic attitude towards comments. By doing the same thing she’s trying to make him realise what’s he’s doing, he may be unaware. Again: some men are thick.

I guess he doesn’t like women in general
And he sounds like a teenager

I know my BF prefers a natural look but he would never waste saliva criticising a woman who is not natural

If I for example was to do something that would give him the ick like stupidly long fake nails, he would probably say something to me but would never say something about every woman he sees with stupidly long fake nails - why would he care?

Totally agree. Playing tit for tat games is childish and achieves nothing.

Personally I couldn’t be with a misogynist so he’d be long gone but if you’re going to stick with him OP actually call him out on his comments. Say to him ‘what has her appearance got to do with you?’

I agree he’s pretty much telling you what he thinks is acceptable in a woman and it’s a control game.

It doesn’t “cheapen” her the least (whatever that means), he will probably be a bit shocked at the fact his girlfriend is holding men to some er..”strong beauty standards” to the point she feels disgusted and dissapointed when they don’t meet them. It could even lead to an important conversation that may (or may not) open a can of worms in their relationship?

Some strive to fly with the eagles while others are happy scratching with the chickens

I know which one I am 🦅

No it won't Beatrix. It will do anything but start a conversation about their relationship which is already not good. OP is better than playing tit for tat games like suggested.