Heartbreak at 7 and a half months pregnant- handhold

[heavytohold]

Hi all. As the title says really. I am in pieces.
My partner, who I love more than I can begin to explain, decided that he no longer wants to be with me. I am 7 and a half months pregnant with his son and we have just moved into our dream home.
I am completely blindsided- everything seemed perfect. We were making plans, he told me he was so happy I was the mother of his child, being with me was his favourite thing, talking about our little family. A couple of weeks ago he completely shut down, stopped talking to me, got snappy and hard to be around. I assumed it was another bout of depression as he's prone to this and did all I could to pull him out of it and make things right again. The silence and lack of interest and communication was eating me up inside. Eventually I asked him if he still wanted to be with me. He couldn't answer. I asked him if he wanted to go back to casually sleeping with other women as this had been an issue early on in our relationship. He said he did, he wanted his easy life back, that was his coping mechanism and he couldn't make himself feel something for me that wasn't there.
I don't even know how to progress from here. I feel so stupid. He fought to bring my back into his life the first time after I put my shattered self esteem back together and he promised me things were different. Now i just feel like none of it was true, I can't help but feel I'm the problem- I'm not good enough or pretty enough. My self worth has taken another battering and I don't know if it will come back from this one. I am humiliated, I feel disgusting.
He told me he doesn't want to lose me as his best friend. I don't know if I can put myself through the torture of watching the man I love, who's son I am carrying, move on with his life. The thought of him with someone else makes me physically sick.
He has told me he will continue to pay for his share of the rent and bills so I have somewhere to live. I have no support system here, I have no friends, my family won't take me back, I have no transport and no choice but to stay here. I told him I can't face being alone in this house that was so filled with hope for the rest of my pregnancy. He said he understands and he will stay until I'm ready. He went out last night, he's going out again tonight and my thoughts are echoing around this empty house that was meant to be our family home. I feel guilty whenever I feel our son kick because he doesn't deserve any of this. He keeps telling me I have to stop crying because it isn't good for the baby. I don't know how.
Aside from this he is the best person I've ever known, I can't picture my future without him in it and I know he will be an amazing father to our son.
He's happy already, after weeks of sadness he's happy now he's free to pursue the life he wants and I am in more pain than I can even begin to describe. Please someone tell me this will get better.

That depends if he will put himself on the birth certificate 🤷🏻‍♀️

And r.e. My parents they will absolutely not offer financial support- they view this as a lesson and believe I need to get myself out of it and not just rely on them for help. This has come from them directly. It's not out of cruelty and they've made it clear they will support me in other ways but that doesn't involve helping me get back on my feet.

So have you spoken to your parents directly about what your partner has actually said currently or is the above what they said on a previous occasion? This isn't exactly financial support. You simply need some space away from this man, to gather your wits, get some income/maintenance together and to find your own place to live

It would help to have some back story about your relationship with your parents. It sounds like they disapprove of this man? And sorry - it absolutely is cruel and dreadful parenting by them, if they won't help right now when you need it, by giving you even a roof over your head for a few weeks while you sort yourself out

You can and will survive this even though it might not feel that way right now
Tell your midwife and you will get extra support from the Health Visitor once baby is here
Are there any nurseries that take babies from 3 months? Get a spot there, for a few mornings a week, and from there you can start to build a community
https://liverpool.gov.uk/children-and-families/early-years-and-childcare/nursery-and-childcare-providers/
Also look at children’s centres on that link

Get everything where possible secondhand on gumtree or at no cost on freecycle

Move into a spare room if you haven't already. Make it clear you are just sharing the house as flat mates. Let him carry on paying for everything while you decide what you need to do. Don't be rushed into hasty decisions. If he goes out every night so much the better.

What an absolute scumbag.
This man definitely isn't your best friend or even a casual friend. He says it's over and then goes straight out to have fun not caring about the impact on you?

He's not a good man. Truly awful.

Sorry OP this man sounds awful. This was the time for him to rise above and be a true partner and family man and instead he has fallen massively short and left you feeling like you are to blame.

First thing I think is to plan to relocate before baby arrives as that all becomes much more challenging in case he wants to be in baby’s life. Your parents may not offer financial support but they sound decent and being closer to them should offer you some logistical support. Also relocating will remove the man from your life. He is not a good person.

What a prick. I think you need to make plans to move back to Yorkshire and be near your mum, dad and friend. It will destroy you mentally staying in Liverpool. I'm not saying that lightly either OP, staying where you are would be the worst thing you could do.
Once you have baby, as soon as you feel up to it, join baby groups etc so you don't feel as isolated.
Imagine this, you have just given birth and he goes to meet up with someone. It will break you when you are at your most vulnerable. He is not your friend, he has told you to expect nothing from him. Believe him.

If he's sleeping around and tries to get you back don't have sex with him while you're pregnant.

Don't put him on the birth certificate.

What a disgusting selfish pig of a man.

He lies. He cheats. He doesn't give a monkey's about you, or your baby - he only cares about getting his d*ck wet.

He's scum.

Just let yourself feel what you feel - you will feel many many conflicting things in the coming days and weeks. But do NOT listen to a single thing he says. He has demonstrated VERY LOUD AND VERY CLEAR that he is not to be trusted.

I'm really sorry but what relationship because you say he has been into other women before wasn't that the moment you should have thought not to have a baby with him. A baby was never going to make it work and he has never loved you as a partner never mind a best friend because not even best friends treat you like that. I'm sorry it's hard for you but you did have all the warning signs for a long time

Plan to move back to Yorkshire asap. You don’t have to live with your parents. Find accommodation & claim universal credit now. Put in a child maintenance claim the minute your baby is born. Register the baby yourself and give him your surname as it will be just you two now. This man is not your friend and he’s not a good person. He’s a manipulative, sleazy, emotionally abusive scumbag. Don't believe any of his promises going forward. I’m so sorry he’s done this to you. You deserve so much better. Your parents sound heartless tbh. But the arrival of a delicious grandson might encourage them to rally round with non-financial support.

When your baby is born, don't put him on the Birth Certificate & put a claim in with CMS as soon as you can. He doesn't deserve the privilege of being called a father. Let him fight through the courts if he wants access to your ds, my guess is he won't bother. Take it that you will be doing this on your own so you don't build up any hopes for a future together. Put in a claim for UC & don't pin any hopes on getting any financial support from him, don't tell him when baby is born & if you can move closer to your family I would do it. Get your name down for social housing in your home town ASAP, you have a link due to having family in the area.

What a prick.

I’m sorry to say, and this isn’t meant to cause you further distress, it sounds like his sudden change of heart is because he’s already at it with someone else. But he’s keeping his options open to saunter back in when he feels like it and manipulating you at a time you’re really vulnerable.

In short, he’s a selfish bastard.

Do you have any support network in Liverpool?

He's not a good person. These are not the actions of a caring human being. I trust that you will stop doing the cooking and the cleaning while you rethink your next move. Good advice has been given here. I do think that your parents have let you down though. Still at least you know where you stand. Get all the advice you can and take control. Make a plan. You will feel more like yourself when you get into gear. One day at a time.

Very unhelpful.

He keeps telling me I have to stop crying because it isn't good for the baby

What an utter dick he is. He breaks your heart, then he tries to guilt you for crying over his horrible behaviour.

If he is concerned about how this is impacting baby, then he should be taking care of you and your needs.

He isn’t worth your time or energy, and whilst I know you are too in the midst of the pain right now, you will eventually wonder why you shed a single tear over this loser.

Focus on looking after yourself, boot him out and put yourself first. You don’t need him.

He’s no good OP, get as far away from him as possible, staying there will destroy you

So unhelpful,Hope you felt good and supportive writing that comment 🙄

I've seen your updates OP.
I'm glad you are doing all you can to keep yourself healthy for your son.
Also glad you are resolved to take positive steps to make the best life for him. Your partner has behaved appallingly - beggars belief how some men behave.
I really feel for you in your parents attitude - my parents were similar.
I'm sure your love for your son will see you through this.

Best wishes.

You will get through this OP. The man is a dick. Let him pay the rent for now but don't have him in the house. It will just prolong the agony for you.
You sound incredibly vulnerable - no job, little support, strung along by this arsehole who thought it was ok to control you by mood swings and sleeping around. But those are things you can turn around, wherever you decide to be. Could you go back to your hometown and rent there, not living with your parents (can understand why they don't want you and a child in their actual home but living closer may help). You are young, you can make friends.
Your priority is you and your baby. Forget about him.

Thank you all so much again for so many helpful replies, and for those of you sticking up for me when someone seems intent on kicking me whilst I'm down.
Checking in and seeing the support is really keeping me going today- it's been a particularly difficult day and as the above commenter said I am feeling particularly vulnerable.
I think you're all right that this is not the right situation to allow myself to stay in- I know I need to try and take some control back for my son more than for myself. I am slowly coming to terms with the fact that I'm on my own here.
It all feels so futile and overwhelming.

He should be bending over backwards to make sure the mother of his child is healthy and stress free not thinking about his limp knob! He is not a good person, he is a selfish little man child and I’m sorry you’re going through this.

Try and find the strength to tell him you will no longer put up with this. He is happy because he’s getting the best of both worlds - he has a ready made family there that he can dip in and out of when it suits him and he can play the single life the rest of the time. He has an absolute cheek to say stop crying it’s bad for the baby like he cares! I’m sorry but this has made me so angry. His behaviour is nothing short of a disgrace. Don’t give him the out of blaming MH.

You must have someone you can go to for help?

He keeps telling me I have to stop crying because it isn't good for the baby

Whose fault is that? My husband was in Afghanistan for the last 6 months of my pregnancy and I cried every day. I was worried too but what can you do?

Are you both on the house mortgage/.rent? So sorry he’s done this, why do men let things go to this when they know they don’t want children or commitment, it’s so heartbreaking for the partners/wives who they deceive and cheat on. To drop this on you now and tell you to stop crying he’s no best friend and the worst kind of man, who does that? Drops you from a great height then tells you not to be upset, pregnant too. What a bastard. Can only hope for karma but never seems to happen does it, much love to you op and I hope you can gather the strength to move on with your baby and rebuild yourself