Do men hate it you message after they've broken up with you?

[aip7]

He's ended it. Im devastated. He said it was hard to do, meaning not what he wanted but circumstances with life/work means he has no choice. He used to message first even though he said we shouldn't speak. This time feels different I think he means it. It's killing me not talking to him. Will he hate it if I message?

Do not message

Yep, probably. Don’t do it for your own sake, there’s nothing to be gained.

Why?

Who cares if he'll hate it. You'll feel shit though - he'll either ignore you and you'll feel shit, or he'll respond and whatever he says you'll feel shit. He's ended it. You need to move on.

Do not message him. Who gives a shit what he thinks, protect yourself and your emotions.

No good can come of reaching out to a man who has dumped you

He used to message first even though he said we shouldn't speak

This is a huge red flag - it’s all about control and him pulling the strings

Have some self respect. He’s dumped you and it sounds like a pattern has formed where you split up and then get back together. Unhealthy. Block and move on.

He doesn't want to talk to you so what would be the point of messaging him?

Depends. If it was a 1 month relationship then leave it. If it was a year then yes, you deserve answers etc unless you have them
ready.

Do you feel things could change? If so then this is your chance.

It's been 'causal' for 12 months. It's the fact he said it's been a really difficult decision. There's feelings there, but he also said he wanted me to let him go! Now from a man that's a very bold statement isn't it. Any men on here who can elaborate on this comment? Does it mean he 100% is done?

Yes. He's ended it. Let his actions be your closure.

Breaking up is always hard, regardless of who instigated it. I can understand why you have the urge to message him, and if you are on and off again kind of relationship you are bound to feel the way you do.

I would go no contact, its the best thing for you. If he broke things up, and said that it was for the best, then you need to listen to that, regardless of how things turned out in the past.

Some men hate the messaging from the ex, they feel bad that you are hurting and obliged to answer you, they may even pitty you, but some men love it for all the wrong reasons, such as ego brushing and use you for sex.

Some men will even keep tap on you, messaging you every other day, every other week, every other year etc just to see if you are still hocked on them, but in reality its for their own egocentric reasons to see if the hold they have is still present. Its torture.

Go no contact, look after you now and find a way to steer your thinking towards you rather than thinking what he may be doing.

"He said it was hard to do, meaning not what he wanted but circumstances with life/work means he has no choice."

This is an excuse to try and soften the blow, He doesn't feel the same way about you as you do about him. I know that can be painful to admit to yourself but there's nothing you can do. Definitely do not text.

It’s a word salad waffle to soften the blow.

If he wanted to be with you he would be. He’ll only reply next time he wants a convenient shag

Let it go and move on

Don’t message him.

You’ll feel even worse if/when he doesn’t reply.

Don't do it.

I'm in a very similar boat right now. 4 year relationship ended because it's 'too much to manage with all the other stresses in my life right now'

Not the first time for me either, and previously I was contacted and begged to come back. I said this time there will be no going back. I deserve better. So do you!

I know it's hard. I can't stop thinking and even bloody dreaming about him, but each day is slightly easier. I would block on all apps and sm if I were you (I have) then the temptation will be lower and you won't keep seeing his grinning face pop up on messenger, etc.

Sending hugs!

Did you post about this yesterday ?

Bluntly, grow up, OP. Men do not have some kind of generic Man Bat Signal that means ‘I ended up it, but I have deep feelings for you and secretly want you to message me’. Stop thinking about what he means or would hate, pick yourself up, and get on with your life. Be single, then, if you want to, find someone who wants to be in a relationship with you.

he also said he wanted me to let him go

He's literally told you to leave him alone.

Sorry I understand you are hurting - but just give yourself time to heal.

Sounds like he's found someone he wants to go out with properly. Delete his number and move on.

If someone says it’s done, believe them. Why would you not? Why be that beggy person who can’t let go?

Don’t message him.

He was being kind and trying not to hurt your feelings in the way he dumped you. It wasn’t life or work getting in the way, he doesn’t love you and he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you. He let you down gently.

If he loved you and wanted to be in a relationship with you - then nothing would get in his way. Sorry.

Trust me if you message him he’s won. He’ll still want to break up with you, but when you message you give him all the control.

The ONLY way to get over someone is cut all contact. Just block him everywhere and I promise in a month you’ll be thanking yourself so so much.

We’ve all begged, we’ve all regretted it. There’s a reason why every single woman on here is saying the same thing. He’s not different or special, he’s just a man. You’re worth far more than that.

You don't need a man to tell you what he's thinking.

Don't message him. You're done here

I found when life goes tits up, that my self-esteem is sometimes all I have left. OP please protect your dignity. I know it's really hard.

Sounds like he's playing silly games and dancing around saying he doesn't want the relationship anymore as he would like you still on the hook incase he changes his mind later on.

Don't message him. Delete his number and delete and block him on everything that way you have to go through re-adding him to send any message and hopefully that will give you time go come to your senses before you do it.