Do men hate it you message after they've broken up with you?

[aip7]

He's ended it. Im devastated. He said it was hard to do, meaning not what he wanted but circumstances with life/work means he has no choice. He used to message first even though he said we shouldn't speak. This time feels different I think he means it. It's killing me not talking to him. Will he hate it if I message?

OP, message if you want to. I have never understood this obsession with "preserving our dignity" by not messaging in this sort of situation.

Or let me rephrase that - I totally understand how someone might want to preserve their dignity, if dignity is a concept that is important to them (it isn't to everyone) but I don't understand why dignity is always assumed to be compromised by messaging.

I have always messaged love interests when ever I felt like it in this sort of situation - always. I am (mostly) an honest and straight forward person - I don't like playing games - I like to be heard and express my emotions when I feel them strongly. Don't get me wrong, not every message I had sent has provoked the response I would most have liked. But I was always glad I said my piece. Most importantly, my dignity never felt compromised in any way.

I don't know why it would have been.

Having said that OP, I would move very swiftly on from this fella, and find somebody who isn't hard work. He is a game player who fucks with your emotions - he'll do it for the rest of your life if you let him. You deserve much better - we all do.

I know it hurts. I know people like this can be like flames to a moth - it's the thrill of the chase (mixed metaphors there, sorry). But honestly, let him go.

It isn’t bold. It’s bullshit. Leave him alone. No good will come of it.

Do not call him. If you do, then youve pretty much told him that youre fine if he blows hot n cold & runs every now & then, its fine she will forgive me.
If he wants you back he will call you in a few weeks, then its up to you to set the ground rules, if he doesnt call all you have lost is a user.
Keep busy, chin up, but absolutely do not call him, its pretty much saying im a doormat..wipe your feet, or whatever else. Self respect!
I once read an amazon self help book called f**k him! Only a few quid on kindle, stopped me just forgiving them. Granted im single now but happily single.

I have a feeling @aip7 is going to message this guy no matter what anybody says.

God no why would you want to speak to a guy who dumped you ?.I don't think I would have done this as a teenager .A second chance for humiliation ? I don't think so . As for lets stay friends ? No .

I'd let his arse make buttons as he probably assumes you will message him.

Step away from the phone, have a cry, do nice things and move on x

It sounds like he is seeing someone else

Sorry OP you have been dumped.
It's really clear.

People often do it in a round about way to be kind

" it's not the right time "
" other committments "
" it's not you it's me"
" it's a difficult decision "
" I'm not good for you"
"It's been hard"
" I have no choice "

It's all flowery language to try and make it easier for everyone. It's just politeness really.

It's not a secret message trying to tell you something else.

There's nearly always " feelings there " in a break up. That's the way it is.

And yes he will dislike it if you keep messaging him. You can't persuade him to want him to keep seeing you. Messaging him into it.

You really can't.

So sorry you're hurt OP.

he wanted me to let him go...Does it mean he 100% is done?
Yes. Block and move on. If in a few days/weeks he's feeling randy and has no-one available, he'll come sniffing round you (to use you, for his convenience, no hope of rekindling romance). Don't allow that to happen. Block.

Absolute bullshit. Another twist on the "it's not you, it's me".

He's probably (almost definitely) met someone else.

I would say delete and block and move on with your life. Although from the tone of your posts, you're going to text him anyway so just be prepared to keep getting hurt on a regular basis.

This. She also started another thread of the same ilk yesterday and didn't get the responses she wanted so thought she'd try again. Just waiting for someone to give her the green light and say it's a good idea.

The fact that every post bar 1 (male) PP has told her it’s a bad idea I suspect she’ll take his advice as the only one that’s relevant and go ahead chasing this bloke regardless.

I suppose, if we're being literal, the OP originally asked whether men hate it when you message them.

And no, they like it, because it makes them feel that they've done the right thing in dumping you and that they're better than you. That's not a reason to do it!

Message but expect to be ignored

Just let him go. He probably won't hate the fact you messaged but it might irritate or even amuse him. He's told you he doesn't want to be with you and sadly you have to accept that. You don't really want to be with someone who doesn't want you. The image you have in your head of you being happy together is not real.

His ego will love the fact you're messaging.
Your self esteem will hate you for it!

I very much doubt it, when you tell someone to leave you alone as he has to the op, the let me go plea, no one’s ego is boosted if they don’t, you just want them to stop . Male or female.

Relationships shouldn’t be this hard op. If he wanted to be with you, wild horses wouldn’t keep him away. Don’t waste your precious life on someone who is not invested. Heartbreak is awful but it will pass, and with that knowledge put your energy into moving on.

'meaning not what he wanted '

Wise up op, this means he didn't want to say he couldn't give a stuff about you and is being polite by giving you the ok' heave Ho and saying it's work and time commitments.

Do not message him.

Your situation absolutely illustrates why the OP shouldn't message this ex. You're being messed around by a woman keeping you dangling while she waits to see if her ex wants her back; you don't have the power in your situation and your self-esteem will end up on the floor if you allow this woman to keep playing you off against her ex.

It takes so long to firstly accept it, then to grieve. Communicating with him will just delay the acceptance. I'm so sorry for you op, but you'll ever so gradually feel better.

Yes. It's done. He's been very clear.

Yes he will hate it if you message when he has told you not to. He will either send an unpleasant text in return, or will just block you.

Either way, you will feel worse. Silence and dignity is your best bet now.

@JJathome actually it depends on the person. Some people want someone to chase them when they reject them, I've been told many times. I guess OP knows what type they are.
Keep your dignity though OP

Man here. Yes, it means he's 100% done.