Is this abuse or just a bad temper

[BeBrightViper]

Partner of 11 years stopped his car on a country road and told my 16 year old ds to get the f**k out of his car as he had reacted badly to my ds joking with him about a previous drop off at his friends for a birthday party where my partner had refused to reverse on a private lane way and instead had made a few female drivers reverse the whole way down lane. This event was extremely embarrassing to be part of. Anyway he ordered ds out of car and I said if he has to get out I’m getting out too. He replied fine ! I got out and he drove off leaving me and ds on a country road with no footpath or lights. I’m struggling to get past this and to understand is it at a level that could be classed as abusive ?

Sounds abusive to me. I'm guessing this isn't the first time he's been a dick?
He abandoned you and your son, on a dark road, that's so so dangerous. Did he come back for you? How did you get home? What happened next?

He sounds like a total
prick

I couldn't forgive this personally.

Abusive, not abusive. Doesn't matter in many ways because I'm fairly certain it's crossed a boundary for you. You don't need objective validation, you can just say 'fuck it, he's an arse and my son and I deserve to be treated better than this"

Beyond the pale.

Getting cross about a joke isn’t abusive as such

leaving you and ds on a deserted country road, though, is pretty awful. How far were you from home? How did he react afterwards - apologetic? Remorseful?

I would ask has he done things like this in the past because often there is a pattern of behaviour.

What an arse, I wouldn’t put up with my son being treat like that, or you either for that matter.

Were you there at the party drop off? Did he refuse to reverse because he thought he had the right of way?

Nasty piece of work.

Thank you for your responses I was totally blindsided when it happened so I walked my ds the rest of the way to the house where party was at which was just a few mins from where we had been kicked out of car, understandably he was upset as was I. I was in full on panic mode I should have rang a family member to come and get me but I rang my partner instead and said are you coming back for me or what ? He came back then drove us both home in silence at a frightening speed but I knew better than to ask him to slow down as in the past we have had many arguments in the car where I’ve asked him to slow down and he has then reacted badly and tells me I’m criticising his driving. He refused to apologize and it was basically brushed under the carpet. There have been other examples of his behaviour being uncalled for. The night my dad was put on end of life care he showed so little empathy to myself or my ds he told my youngest sibling to man up when she expressed fear at going into dads hospital room as she was afraid she couldn’t cope with seeing him so near the end. Same night he was angry as he couldn’t find his car in car park and then shouted at me to get my phone out on way home for directions as he hadn’t been in area previously.

Yes I was in car hanging my head in shame he said he was on his way out so he believed he shouldn’t have to reverse back towards house and just made a queue of female drivers reverse back out onto road it was pretty humiliating

Ok he's an abusive arse. Start making plans to leave.

He sounds appalling. Driving fast to scare you is often a tactic used by abusers. His behaviour sounds dreadful though. I would be seriously considering leaving him.

He sounds awful OP.

A bad tempered, childish, over sensitive insecure man could get irked by being mocked, and then walk off into the night himself leaving you and son to drive wherever but could be forgiven eventually.

A man who completely avoidably puts his own family in danger in middle of nowhere in the dark is pretty close to unforgivable.

This man should not be your partner, should not be in charge of kids, and definitely should not be allowed to drive.

I really really hope someone scratches his paintwork and lets his tyres down.

Are you going to end it?

Do you really need to ask op? He's clearly a complete dick.

Why are you tolerating this crap?

If you choose to stay in a toxic relationship that's up to you. However your son deserves better than a grown man swearing and kicking off at him which i imagine is not the first time. Get out of there for both of you!

I suppose you have to think about the fact that how you react here is going to model to your son what is healthy/ unhealthy in a supposedly loving relationship and possibly have a serious impact on his future relationships (either as someone that accepts being a victim or as the perpetrator of such shite).

Personally I think you need to stand up to this and think seriously about what you are getting out of this relationship.

It doesn't sound like one that involves mutual respect, love and care and life really is too short to be so badly disrespected, if your husband is completely mortified by his actions and pleading for forgiveness of you and your son and seeking help for his behaviour (of his own accord not because you are threatening to leave) then I'd be making plans to go.

Does the word you use for it actually make any difference?

Man behaves like an arsehole to you and your son, presumably on a regular basis - why he does that doesn't change the effect on you and your dc.

Is this the relationship for you? Is this the relationship you'd like your son to emulate in his future?

Someone with a temper like that should not be anywhere near your child and not in charge of a car.

Why are you still with him? What are you getting from this relationships that can in any way make up for that awful behaviour?

Also, once your son leaves home, do you really think he'll want to still spend time with you if you are still with that dickhead? Because I can tell you from experience, you are on the path to alienating your child who will see that you have chosen a man over your own son.

Omg he sounds like my exh. Once picked me and dc up. Drove to a desolate car park and told me I was driving home. I had never even had a driving lesson.... He walked off. I scrambled through the car looking for 20p to ring his parents. He nearly killed us driving home when he came back an hour later... Get rid op. He is abusive. And he will get worse. When my dgm died and he had been dropping me for visits when she was in hospital he wanted me to ask her dd - my aunt - for fuel money.. When she died he expected to be reimbursed from her will..

Yes, he is abusive. He is using his anger and aggressive driving to scare you and your dc.

Family becomes before Ego the dick.