Met a girl with Bipolar, gone bad

[Jules981120]

met a girl from bumble and we went on 3 dates. Everything was going well, we had long talks about what we wanted from a partner in a relationship and what we think we did wrong in our past relationships.

I texted her yesterday asking if she'd ever pick me up and drive me in her car on days when I'm tired since I drive all day for work. After I said that I said "Cuz trauma lmfaooo" in which I was referring to me driving my brother all around and being the "3rd parent". She took that as me referring to me being my ex girlfriends Uber and she then went off on me about how I compare her, and am "testing" her.

She went to sleep and texted me in the moring that she didn't want me to think she was giving me the silent treatment, since I told her I don't like it when my ex did that to me.

And basically she went to therapy today, came out of it, and told me she didn't wanna see me anymore and that she didn't like the way I made her feel by being super blunt whenever she talks to me. She had also said she used to be very blunt and she realizes she is sorry for being blunt to her friends because she says she doesn't like how it feels.

I feel this got blown out of proportion when I wasn't even referring to my ex gf originally, but my brother, and she took that and went off in 10 different directions.

She said she was also mad that I didn't know why she was mad, and that I couldn't see her Pov even though she explained it 5 times to me.

I asked her if she was this upset because of the bipolar because I had no other idea what it could have been, which of course, led to her calling me a A-hole.

I am planning to return her her jacket to her driveway and leave it there with a note and her favorite flowers. But I don't want to break any boundaries, and thats why I'm thinking of leaving it on the driveway and not the front door. Her ex boyfriend egged her house, so I guess me giving her jacket back isn't too bad?

I had also asked her why would she have sex with me, ask me out, all on the first date, if by date #3 she was gonna blow up over such a tiny thing? It's like super hot and cold and idk if she was having a bad day or something but she took it so personally which I didn't mean to do.

Was I wrong? She really was cool and we did like each other, she sent me back her money from our dates without me even asking about it, and told me to throw out her sweater she left in my car.

We are blocked everywhere since I had asked her to block me, when I get attached to someone, id rather them block me so I know I can't see them or even know they exist. Knowing that person is there, but I can't have them, hurts more then not seeing them at all.

Today was supposed to be our fourth date

I was listening and didn't understand, I feel I do so more now, but it's still confusing ngl. I think very black and white and simplify shit

How can you not see it is dismissive to say 'you cannot possibly be annoyed by what I said, it must be your misunderstanding or your mental health condition '?

Why not listen to her point and try to understand it instead of making her repeat herself or find ways to blame her for your odd comment landing so badly?

After 3 dates I would have been very concerned that would have been your go- to which is exactly what she does not need. You shouldn't have said it.

I think you also knew at the time how closely your comment referred to the stuff with your ex. What exactly was she supposed to say?

I think you need to try to be more empathetic and think through what you say and what others say before continuing a line of argument.

Also as a PP says, people with the same MH condition aren't the same person. You know your brother and his boundaries well so knew it was ok to ask whether his reaction was influenced by his MH. It really wasn't ok to ask that of this woman. You didn't know her and there was a clear mess caused by your comment. Be more self reflective in future.

You don't amount totally without empathy if you care for your brother but you have badly missed the mark here.

Learn to critically think through how other people may experience what you have said.

And be in charge of your own boundaries more. If you don't want to be taken as a free Uber, learn to say 'no' if asked. If you don't want sex on a first date in case the relationship doesn't develop then wait. Women are not responsible for you.

I’m not sure why you’re trying to get her to forgive you tbh. It sounds like you don’t understand her and she doesn’t understand you, she took something you said wrongly, got upset and then you made things worse by asking if it was bi polar related? 😬. Do you really want to be in a relationship where you are treading in egg shells and worrying about what her reaction maybe if she takes something you said the wrong way?

@GreyCarpet I couldn't agree more. My point was I hate it when men (I assume he's a man) call women 'girls' when they are actually adult women. Children are girls, adults are women.
A man calling a women a girl is 🤮

Please do not leave her a large note, just drop her things off and leave.

Found the thread after reading the other one.

I have to agree with the others. You are making it a her problem (her bipolar, her misundertanding) as opposed to it being a you problem, (you not explaining yourself properly or apologising).

She sounds hard work. I would just walk away.

She sounds hard work. I would just walk away

What did she do to make you think she sounds like hard work?

She sounds hard work. I would just walk away.

Have you read the note????

Had boundaries 👍🏻

This is way too complicated and way too many misunderstandings for three dates in, could you really ever see this working long term? Don't worry about who is right and who is wrong - it's just not working, you hardly know each other, just move on.

I don't think you did anything majorly wrong, just take back the jacket and write a note apologising for any upset caused and leave it at that.

Ok that I actually understand and see, I just have a hard time distinguishing when she is having a bad day, and when it's actually just her and not a mental health episode(idk how that all works)

I still feel I could have communicated better, and not have asked about her Bipolar in the middle of the argument, but I still think it exploded from nothing, and she was still like enraged a day after

Oh ffs, it’s been 5 minutes since you met her, you barely know this woman and it’s a car crash already!

run, fucking RUN.

post her jacket back, or drop it somewhere neutral and don’t look back.

Don’t buy flowers, she’s not worth it.

buy flowers FOR YOURSELF, and congratulate yourself for getting out of a relationship that would utterly destroy every shred of you.

No. Can you not distinguish when the problem is caused by you? Not her mood, her condition, her anything but your comment which was odd, and leading, or your miscommunication if you truly meant something different. You caused this. She saw something concerning in what you said and raised it. You then dug a deeper and deeper hole from all angles.

You are allowed to make any comment you like. The recipient doesn't have to like it or respond as you'd hoped. That doesn't make it their bad day or bipolar responding. It's simply your comment landing badly.

Once a fledgling relationship of mine ended when a man sent me an inappropriate photo (nothing sexual). He explained it and hadn't meant any harm but couldn't accept it came across terribly and I hadn't reacted badly out of nowhere. I checked with all my friends and they all agreed they'd have felt the same but he simply couldn't see why it was an odd and off-putting thing to send without full context at least. I'd have been willing to move on if he hadn't been so insistent it was me being nuts (not in so many words) and overreacting at nothing. This is exactly the same. You were on dodgy ground with that message. Please try to understand that and be accountable here.

She's not having a bad day.
It is not her.
It's not a mental health episode.

It is YOU. Just you. You are the problem. Stay away from women until you realise that. Did you even apologise?

It sounds way more negative when people just say 'mental health', it comes across like they're saying the persons health is mental.
Like some people just have health, and others have 'mental' health.

Enraged? And you want to see her?

You said some something stupid (asking for lifts - inappropriate and odd, then mentioning trauma - also inappropriate and odd).

She told you she didn't like it, and instead of accepting her feelings and apologizing then moving on, you made her explain it to you five times.

This is why she doesn't want to see you. She has been clear on this, so now you have to leave her alone.

She is allowed to choose not to see you again, whether you had sex or not, whether you think it can be rescued or not. She has said to get rid of clothing not because she doesn't want it back but because she doesn't want to see you and seeing you would be worse than not getting the clothes. Leaving her notes (especially utterly bonkers sounding ones) and flowers is so inappropriate in this situation.

For the posters saying that she sounds like hard work - I'm puzzled by this.

That’s a fair comment, I can see how that looks no matter my intentions

She's made her decision and you need to respect that and leave her alone. The only way people should consider notes and flowers is if they are completely owning what went wrong and it's a gesture of apology. You're not in that place, you're just doing it to try to persuade her back, against her stated wishes, which is inappropriate. From what you've revealed of yourself in your post, I don't think you are the best fit for a woman with a complex mental health condition, so I think her decision is probably for the best anyway.

🙄

How am I not complaining owning what I said was wrong? I literally said sorry a bunch of times with details