Met a girl with Bipolar, gone bad

[Jules981120]

met a girl from bumble and we went on 3 dates. Everything was going well, we had long talks about what we wanted from a partner in a relationship and what we think we did wrong in our past relationships.

I texted her yesterday asking if she'd ever pick me up and drive me in her car on days when I'm tired since I drive all day for work. After I said that I said "Cuz trauma lmfaooo" in which I was referring to me driving my brother all around and being the "3rd parent". She took that as me referring to me being my ex girlfriends Uber and she then went off on me about how I compare her, and am "testing" her.

She went to sleep and texted me in the moring that she didn't want me to think she was giving me the silent treatment, since I told her I don't like it when my ex did that to me.

And basically she went to therapy today, came out of it, and told me she didn't wanna see me anymore and that she didn't like the way I made her feel by being super blunt whenever she talks to me. She had also said she used to be very blunt and she realizes she is sorry for being blunt to her friends because she says she doesn't like how it feels.

I feel this got blown out of proportion when I wasn't even referring to my ex gf originally, but my brother, and she took that and went off in 10 different directions.

She said she was also mad that I didn't know why she was mad, and that I couldn't see her Pov even though she explained it 5 times to me.

I asked her if she was this upset because of the bipolar because I had no other idea what it could have been, which of course, led to her calling me a A-hole.

I am planning to return her her jacket to her driveway and leave it there with a note and her favorite flowers. But I don't want to break any boundaries, and thats why I'm thinking of leaving it on the driveway and not the front door. Her ex boyfriend egged her house, so I guess me giving her jacket back isn't too bad?

I had also asked her why would she have sex with me, ask me out, all on the first date, if by date #3 she was gonna blow up over such a tiny thing? It's like super hot and cold and idk if she was having a bad day or something but she took it so personally which I didn't mean to do.

Was I wrong? She really was cool and we did like each other, she sent me back her money from our dates without me even asking about it, and told me to throw out her sweater she left in my car.

We are blocked everywhere since I had asked her to block me, when I get attached to someone, id rather them block me so I know I can't see them or even know they exist. Knowing that person is there, but I can't have them, hurts more then not seeing them at all.

Today was supposed to be our fourth date

Sorry - ridiculous. This was a couple of dates, you hardly know her. Post her jacket if you want to but do not go there. Move on to someone who is not such hard work. And, crucially - someone who really likes you and makes you feel good.

Dating should be fun. Go out, go to concerts, parties, shows, lunches, dinners, days out, pubs, clubs, cafes, walks and sports matches - whatever you enjoy. Meet each others' friends and families. Have fun, have a laugh, share experiences and then talk about all the difficult stuff if you want to. Don't start there!

Sounds like absolute chaos. Are you both very young, because there's no emotional maturity (or any kind of maturity really) being shown here.

After 3 dates you should very much still be getting to know each other at arm's length and having fun, not deep diving into the minutiae of your past relationships.

Asking someone you barely know to drive you around because you're tired is bizarre (and would be a huge turn off for me) as is describing giving a family member a lift as 'trauma'. As for blaming her mental health for her reaction to a misunderstanding; I don't have the words for that.

She's done the right thing in blocking you because you don't sound remotely compatible. Just leave her jacket at her house and move on.

If she was my friend I would be telling her to run for the hill.

You sounds like you have some maturing to do.

No not wrong, however if she forgives and you make up, are you prepared for a long, rough at times journey to learning all about her condition? Plus it can feel like abuse to be with someone with mental health

Consider accessing counselling yourself to explore your readiness for relationships. It's not very self aware to use health conditions as adjectives to describe how you feel, 'because trauma lmao' type thing.... would you say, 'because deafness/blindness/my wheelchair lmao'? Not everyone with bipolar has trauma issues but many do. But to be honest I'd tell you fuck right off if you were moaning about needing picked up because of feeling tired all the time and feeling like a 3rd parent. Honestly OP focus on yourself and explore what you really want and need in life as an independent adult.

You both sound nuts. Sorry.

This entirely

I’d be thankful it ended. 3 dates and all this drama. She obviously isn’t well if she’s having counselling.

Why on earth would you ask her to drive you around? Petrol isn’t free and not many people enjoy driving!

You both need to be single.

There also seems to be a lot of misunderstanding about bipolar on the thread as well

You sound unpleasant

@Tanyahawkes
i kind of think maybe you aren’t prepared for a relationship with someone with mental health

What a strange and inexplicable thing to say. Everyone in the world has mental health. Just like everyone has physical health.

God, Such drama after 3 dates...

just let it go man

Plenty of people who are 'well' are having counselling.

She could be managing her condition pretty nicely.

All we have a description of is the OP's seriously odd behaviour, not her MH status.

What was she supposed to really say to 'will you drive me around (pertaining to an ex who caused 'trauma')'? He may not like the way she expressed it but he would have got short shift from me too and I don't have bipolar. It was a manipulative question. He was the one looking for drama

Cool she may be. Attracted you both were. Compatible you are not.

When emotional wounds from previous relationships are properly healed there is no need to air them, examine them and set expectations together based on avoiding similar... Because it is settled and in the past in an 'its ok now' kind of way.
I know that's hard to imagine when it is real fresh and raw, but it's true.

The fact that you both, so early in the relationship, wanted to rake over previous ground and take those experiences (and the preferences they created) as the foundation stone of this new relationship shows you are not at that stage yet and if anything this relationship at best might have been some kind of extended therapy. At worst all the buttons you both have were just lurking waiting to be pressed.

Of course those experiences are important parts of your story and rightly meaningful to you, so if you are in a serious relationship you would share them as such, but that's only when you know and trust each other well and can feel confident the information won't become the prism through which you will be viewed (like you did with her bipolar and she did with your being uber for your ex's), but instead will be one thread to your story which will matter and be cared about only because the person you're with loves you as a person for who you are.

So you need to heal your wounds not through another romantic attachment but through a way which won't be make or break on whether it is handled well... Throw yourself into a sport and do some reflection or deep thinking on it until you have got some insight. Or talk to trusted wise people, or see a therapist, or read articles on the subject of what things have troubled you in the past.

The insight you need is what bad things have you had to cope with, what caused that, what your role in the scenario was and what could you have done differently, what role the other people had and why they did what they did - what sort of person were they to have made their choices and therefore what kind of person do you need to avoid in future.

Once you have understood your past and thought about how to handle or avoid bad things in future, once you have made peace with what went before, then you will be calm and ready to give you, the person you are, not just the experiences you've had, to another person.

OP. Relationships that have this much drama early on are never right. In the early stages proper relationships are fun, easy and comfortable. The fact that you don’t know this shows you are very young or immature or you have had poor examples of relationships around you as you were growing up.

This relationship is bad news for both of you. Step away now without the flowers and from now on only have relationships where things are comfortable and you understand each other. In real life (as opposed to films or songs) drama is a red flag and mature people avoid it. Relationships are for making you happy not confused and anxious.

It may seem strange to you, and yes I see what you are saying. The reason I worded it this way was because (as the partner of someone with borderline personality, PTSD, extreme anxiety, agoraphobia, plus autism and adhd) I don’t like saying mental health issues/ mental health problems, it feels negative to me to say this

Leaving flowers on her driveway or car would be weird. You've asked to be blocked. You can't then leave flowers. Knock on the door and hand over the jacket to whoever answers. Don't get into conversation.

Is this jacket the same item as the sweater she told you to throw out?

Regardless, do not take anything back to her home. Especially with flowers.

This 'relationship' is over.

You appear to have got the roles of potential partner and taxi driver confused. Send her jacket back, move on and don't tell people to block you if you don't mean it.
Having a shag doesn't mean you're owed anything.

I had also asked her why would she have sex with me, ask me out, all on the first date, if by date #3 she was gonna blow up over such a tiny thing?

This makes it sound like you think once a woman has sex with you they aren't allowed to get upset by something which is unsettling

Post the jacket and leave her be. It's all way too much having discussed half this stuff by date 3. Sorry you sound like a bit of a walking red flag yourself!

It sounds like a lot of drama after only 3 dates 🙄 I think you are better off out of it, just post the jacket to her house, no note & no flowers, walk away.

It’s been 3 dates!
This has huge red flags!

Dating should not be this difficult.
If there are issues this early on then you know it doesn’t work.

Throw this one back and find someone more compatible.

This!