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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Found viagra in husbands wallet

101 replies

Helloookittee · 10/05/2024 08:42

He says it’s for me for us to try and kickstart us having sex again. We’ve not really talked about that for a few months and it’s been a rocky time in our marriage the last few years.

There were two tablets bought at the beginning of April, he said he didn’t want to discuss as he felt embarrassed. Not sure why he didn’t put in the cupboard or his side table. The wallet??

He assures me he loves me, there’s no one else and he wouldn’t dream of having an affair. He was really upset last night, woke me up at 2am to ask me if I believed him as he couldn’t cope if I didn’t. He went on about how much he has messed stuff up between us when he wanted to try and improve things. He said he’d struggle to sleep if I didn’t say I believed him. As I was tired I said I did.

I’m still not convinced though…he’s a recovering alcoholic and I used to get flat out denials and then I’d find bottles of vodka. He says this is why he woke me up as he knows it doesn’t look good.

I’m feeling pretty confused…wwyd Mumsnet?

OP posts:
Original poster
Helloookittee · 10/05/2024 10:11

I’m grateful for everyone’s insights and answers. I feel so confused now…prostitutes?? I hadn’t even thought it could be that? Oh no!

He bought the two tablets from the Tesco pharmacist, it was with a receipt. Can’t remember what else it said as I was in shock.

He overslept this morning and didn’t really talk to me before he left. Not sure if he’s feeling any guilt. I sent him a text saying his behaviour has been weird lately and trust is so important to me. No reply but that’s probably as he’s in meetings.

With recent events and years, I just feel disappointed again and scared. I’m worried about his state of mind but then again I’m worried for my own! In that 2am chat, when I think about it, I felt like I was reassuring him more and not just due to me wanting to go back to sleep. I don’t think he actually asked me about how I was feeling, he just kept saying he loves me, I’m his world, etc…

OP posts:
BlackStrayCat · 10/05/2024 10:14

Well, if there was a receipt that makesit slightly better for some reason.
It was from April? Is that how you know April? For two tablets only?

Original poster
Helloookittee · 10/05/2024 10:15

Dadjoke007 · 10/05/2024 09:45

It could well be genuine - last year after the stresses of divorce and being with someone new, I needed a little pick me up (not Viagra but similar). I did not advertise the fact, it was a bit embarrassing so keeping it a secret is not an issue IMO. Also, I would keep one in my pocket at all times, so if I was round hers, I could just pop one in on way or when round. Being next to my bed is no good unless I am in bed, and even then someone else would see me!!

So putting aside the alcohol issues and other behaviours, what he has done is very realistic and similar to many other men I guess.

Thanks for this perspective. He’s not in a new relationship though and if he was going to be spontaneous with me, why not keep in the bedside table? In his wallet?? That’s what is so odd…

OP posts:
Original poster
Helloookittee · 10/05/2024 10:20

BlackStrayCat · 10/05/2024 10:14

Well, if there was a receipt that makesit slightly better for some reason.
It was from April? Is that how you know April? For two tablets only?

The receipt was April 5th or 7th. Interestingly we had a lot more arguments during that time and then he started being nice. Maybe he was planning to be more connected with me? Or with someone else. That’s why I find it all weird.

OP posts:
yarnwitch · 10/05/2024 10:20

I'm guessing if he's embarrassed by it then he kept them in his wallet so he couple take one without you knowing, you would see him get one out of the bedside drawers. Men can be funny about ED and taking viagra, so it could be innocent, but could equally be suspicious.

AndSoFinally · 10/05/2024 10:20
  • Well, if there was a receipt that makesit slightly better for some reason. It was from April? Is that how you know April? For two tablets only?*

Depends what else was on the receipt? Condoms?

Why would he have had them since April and not used them? If they weren't for something shady then most men would be raring to try them with their partner. Maybe if it was for something dodgy he's having second thoughts or building up his courage?

Only you can really know what's most likely OP

Portfun24 · 10/05/2024 10:20

Strange, my husband bought some to see the other day to see if it would prolong things but he told me the night he ordered it and its just in his bedside drawer. I suppose maybe some people would be embarrassed to mention it but strange he'd buy it if there's not even been talk of having sex and reigniting things between you and why his wallet.

AndSoFinally · 10/05/2024 10:23

I'm not sure that not mentioning it makes it automatically for something secret. Look at the number of people on here who don't tell their partners they're taking weight loss drugs. People just don't want to admit to needing meds or to increase the pressure to succeed/perform

Original poster
Helloookittee · 10/05/2024 10:26

It was a receipt for the viagra with date of given, kind of like a small prescription slip. No other receipts and no condoms.

I really can’t work out why he hasn’t mentioned in all these weeks. He just kept saying he loves me and he’s messed up. Normally he’s a deep sleeper but him saying he couldn’t sleep might be guilt.

Now all I’m thinking is could it be prostitutes and that’s his new addiction??

OP posts:
jannier · 10/05/2024 10:29

My husband recently told me he had been worried about difficulties and had considered Viagra last year he had never said at the time....he later found an enlarged prostate.

Portfun24 · 10/05/2024 10:30

After reading your latest updates and it being bought beginning of April, I'd be inclined to believe him. He's had over a month and not used them with anyone else. Surely if that's what he was buying them for he'd of bought and used it not long after. He's just bought them and not transferred from his wallet yet.

MsLuxLisbon · 10/05/2024 10:38

Portfun24 · 10/05/2024 10:30

After reading your latest updates and it being bought beginning of April, I'd be inclined to believe him. He's had over a month and not used them with anyone else. Surely if that's what he was buying them for he'd of bought and used it not long after. He's just bought them and not transferred from his wallet yet.

I agree. I'm not saying he is definitely telling the truth, but this site always always delights in putting the very worst interpretation on everything, which gets old.

Bumblebeeinatree · 10/05/2024 10:40

If he wanted to ensure an erection, but was embarrassed for his wife to know he might keep in his wallet, they take a while to work so taking surreptitiously would be easier taking one from his wallet before going to bed.

On the other hand it really looks dodgy, and if he's known for lying, you would be hard pushed to give him the benefit of the doubt.

undercoverdale · 10/05/2024 10:42

studioussquirrel · 10/05/2024 08:45

I'm not sure what I'd do in your position but I would firstly assume they were in his wallet because he was intending to take them to a meet. The cynical me says it would have been a meet with a prostitute.

My thoughts exactly so sorry

ontheflighttosingapore · 10/05/2024 10:46

If he was innocent he would not have woke you up. He is panicking and showing his guilt. I would not believe him and he would have them at home not In the wallet.

Seaoftroubles · 10/05/2024 10:52

I would be asking him why he hadn't initiated anything, or even mentioned intimacy, if he bought the Viagra a month ago. Also you can't be sure this is the first time he's bought them (and possibly used them) so l think l'd be getting a sexual health check.

Nicebloomers · 10/05/2024 10:57

It’s a lot of mixed messages. I’d be very unsettled too. He was clearly making plans to use them. Maybe with you, maybe not. I’m confused as to why he hasn’t used them though. The waking you up to protest innocence also sounds a bit suspicious.

Confusedandemotional · 10/05/2024 11:03

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

fettybord · 10/05/2024 11:09

Oh that is super tricky. What is your gut instinct telling you? He has a history of hiding truths from you and addiction. How much do you trust him?

LMMuffet · 10/05/2024 11:11

I’m fairly cynical but I wouldn’t assume it’s because he is or is planning to cheat. The fact that the receipt was with it suggests he may have bought them, put them in his wallet alongside the receipt, and then just left them there. Men’s wallets are like their handbags - and there’s plenty of forgotten stuff in my handbag.

Does he have much cause to use/ open his wallet regularly? For example, my husband uses Apple Pay on his phone way more than cash or cards - so much so that he regularly doesn’t use his wallet for weeks on end.

Original poster
Helloookittee · 10/05/2024 11:18

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

I think it was a prescription, I wish I could remember what it said, but it was not a normal till receipt! Can you buy viagra direct from a Tesco/ retail pharmacist?

I’m so confused and deeply upset if it is for more dodgy reasons. My gut keeps telling me something isn’t right. But then I have to stay with the positive thing. I hope he does love me and is just wanting to instigate sex again but felt too embarrassed due to ED. I really don’t know. He blows hot and cold, a few months again he did threaten to leave me and said some cruel things. Then was apologetic and kind again. I feel this way now.

I’m grateful for your support Mumsnet, it feels good to write this down.

Has anyone encountered a similar situation where they’ve discovered something about their partner and it’s all worked out ok?? Am I being too gullible??

OP posts:
Original poster
Helloookittee · 10/05/2024 11:21

LMMuffet · 10/05/2024 11:11

I’m fairly cynical but I wouldn’t assume it’s because he is or is planning to cheat. The fact that the receipt was with it suggests he may have bought them, put them in his wallet alongside the receipt, and then just left them there. Men’s wallets are like their handbags - and there’s plenty of forgotten stuff in my handbag.

Does he have much cause to use/ open his wallet regularly? For example, my husband uses Apple Pay on his phone way more than cash or cards - so much so that he regularly doesn’t use his wallet for weeks on end.

Thank you. He uses his wallet a lot, he’s old school and has lots of work receipts in there.

OP posts:
WalkingThroughTreacle · 10/05/2024 11:29

If I was in his situation, as you describe it, the last place I'd keep them is in my wallet. I'd have them somewhere discrete in the bathroom so that if it became apparent at bedtime that sex might be on the cards I could make an excuse about needing a quick pee and take a tablet whist in there.

BlackStrayCat · 10/05/2024 11:31

The waking you up thing is odd not to mention selfish. It screams of guilt.
With H I knew 100%. Along with other behaviours. I just couldnt tolerate putting myself through the angst anymore. (I am also much, much younger and it just pissed me right off. It was a general disrespect for women. Any women)

It is just really secretive and odd IMO. The receipt does make it better though. He would be a bit stupid to not just throw it straight away.

PurpleBugz · 10/05/2024 11:46

Shortpoet · 10/05/2024 09:38

Waking you up at 2am to badger you into forgiving him while you are too sleepy to have a proper discussion is not good.
At best it is manipulative. If he does that kind of thing often I’d say it is abusive.

I was thinking this too. It's manipulative.

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