What have I got myself into??

[Bonbon34]

I met someone on hinge just under a week ago and we had our second date today. Our first date went well and I really liked him . He was honest about him being out of work currently and he also can’t drive due to multiple speeding offences. He’s had a colourful past but said he’s turned a new leaf , wants a family etc.

i thought I’d give him the benefit of the doubt but today he’s basically said he wants to get me pregnant. I thought he was initially joking but he’s not - he said he’s ready in this stage of his life and if it happens it happens. He says how amazing I am and that I’m the perfect ‘candidate’ and that it just feels right with me.

am I being crazy or is this madness? I came out a controlling and abusive relationship so I’m thinking maybe I’m overthinking it? But it doesn’t make sense to me.

I beg your pardon?

He isn't working so how does he propose to support this baby he'd like to have? Or will that be solely your job?

I bet he's said the exact same thing to many other women. Perhaps he's hoping that once his perfect 'candidate' gets pregnant, he can move in too?

NEVER give men the benefit of the doubt in the early dating stages. ESPECIALLY as you've been in abusive relationships and your radar is damaged. First sign of weirdness bin them off. A man wanting to get you pregnant when he doesn't know you is a massive massive warning that he's abusive. Think about it. How could it be a normal thing to do - to choose to have a baby with a stranger?

He wants to trap you then cocklodge off you. He could have a trail of children for all you know.
He's a complete loser.
I dont date anyone without a job. No excuse.

Run

At least he has shown you what he is like nice and early before you invest too much time into this relationship!

I'm also wondering if he has other children you don't know about from other 'perfect candidates'.

Yeah, block and run.

Why on earth would you want to saddle yourself with a man who isn't working, isn't earning, can't drive, has lost his licence for speeding and, given the circumstances, quite probably has a criminal record.

Why would you want to have anything to do with a man like this? Why would you think for a moment he is good partner material for you and good father potential for a child?

My guess is he's looking for someone gullible and sad and desperate, someone who's used to being abused and exploited, who'll provide somewhere for him to live, put food on the table and be a base for him to come and go as he pleases. A cocklodger. If he gets you pregnant then he'll have a hold on you for the rest of your life because he'll be the father of your child.

Block and run. Then set your sights higher.

Ew, dump him now! You don't really know him at all. He's ready to make a baby?! You don't even know if he's a good partner, let alone a good father. So many red flags! You can do so much better. Throw him back to the sea.

Yes because giving the benefit of the doubt to a feckless unemployed loser with serial driving offences and more red flags than a communist party rally just screams a high bar and firm boundaries doesn’t it?

I wonder what I read on here sometimes

Run like the wind!!! Please op. He’s telling you who he is. Believe him!!!

Next!

Speeding offences would be a dealbreaker for me. Once might be accidental, but habitual speeding is a sign of a person who doesn’t give a shit about anyone else. Now he’s shown himself to be completely unrealistic, weird and controlling on top!

Your previous relationship may have messed with your ability to spot a rotter but you know this isn’t OK. You don’t have to go along with it just because you started dating him. You have not “got yourself into” this - you’re entitled to say no, walk (/run!) away and block at any point. You’re not his “candidate” and you don’t have to go along with anything he wants.

However he sounds potentially really bad news so please do take care. Don’t let him come round, don’t be alone with him, and don’t engage in an argument. Just tell him you’re no longer interested/ have decided against dating and block.

Why would you give anyone the benefit of the doubt when they’ve told you they’re an unemployed criminal loser? Please consider counselling to find out why your standards are so low.

Run for the fucking hills.
"Yes, you are the ideal father to my children with your lack of job and speeding convictions and no licence."

Off you go and be single again to do some more work on being able to identify wankers.

I thought I'd seen many scenarios on MN but this one takes the biscuit for sure! I can't believe anyone is genuinely that desperate for affection that they ignore the calibre of the person offering it!

Are you really that desperate to get pregnant by a feckless, unemployed, ex criminal idiot who will probably vanish the moment he does get you pregnant (if you're daft enough to let him)? How would he support you and any DC? Are you someone who always needs to "fix" people (saviour syndrome)?

You have recently come out of a difficult relationship and not spent any quality time working on your self worth before encouraging another similar guy. Don't repeat the pattern. You can change your life and do much better. Don't fall for his "woe is me, you can fix me and make my life better" BS!

From his point of view it's a very good strategy to identify vulnerable women without much effort.

Anyone who would carry on meeting him is clearly desperate and so a perfect candidate for a controlling man.

Just run (and block)

The good news is that you haven't got yourself into anything. You've met the bloke twice, and he's a weirdo. Run, block, move on.

Leg it!

Exactly!

Jesus, mate. You’re not seriously considering this?!
”Colourful past” likely means bit of an arse.

Block and move on.

Block and run!!!!

Candidate!! As though you’re breeding stock?!
An unemployed criminal and a charmer, it seems!

Sorry OP, he’s definitely not the right man for you! I doubt he’s the right man for any woman tbh

Fucking hell.

Is he about to become homeless and needs to shack up with someone quickly?
Is he broke and needs someone to pay for him?

Speeding offences- he’s got foul temper.
Colourful past - that’s just a nice way of saying he’s got issues with law, probably violent and volatile. Substance use too, that fits the ‘colourful’ profile as well.
No job but wants family? Yeah right. You’ll be supporting all that.
Turned new leaf - oh im sure he did. He’s come up with ingenious plan to knock someone up and get them pay for everything.

He is unhinged.
He is looking to tie himself to someone and sponge off of them, 100%.

He thinks you are a perfect candidate for that. I’d take that as an insult.

Seriously, you are out of abusive relationship, this guy has sniffed you out on date 1. He’s your next abusive relationship if you carry on.

You won’t fall for it, will you?