Adultwork, i need as much information as possible

[NavySloth]

Hello,

i will try to cut this story short. I recently found my husband activity with adultwork. I was able to login and acces emails saying about lasts logins and also his username for the website. Its came as a complete shock. After more digging i found out about more of the website. Later on when i confronted him about this, he was just lying to my face as never happened, total denial. I have some screenshots of things i found, i was also able to login to the app. If anyone know more then me please let me know. I found 2 bookings with escorts, just really wanna know if these booking were actually went ahead because he said he did not meet them. I also saw a hot list, there were many girls but i also saw saying’’recently interacted with’’ what does it mean? I do beleive he deleted maybe some of his bookings before handed the phone to me but i also know by others, many people making bookings by phone calls. Any information would be much appreciated.
and sorry for any misspelling English isn’t my first language. Thank you for the answers in advance.

My bubble in tact on this one. You believe you know, fine ☺️

@Oneofthosemanthings

Eg, the Adultwork service provider who's profile says her husband is uninterested in sex, and has no idea she does this for fun and extra cash when he's away.

I appreciate this comes from a place of naivety but it shows how out of touch you are from the reality of the industry.

This is a well known marketing angle for sex workers because it's a narrative that may convince some men that it's not so bad morally after all as she says she LOVES shagging punters for cash.

That doesn't change the reality. Whether that is true or not, the punter cannot know for sure.

Every punter is taking the risk he is raping a woman who doesn't give free consent and is in fact abused, coerced or trafficked.

Many things aren't black and white. There is nuance in almost everything. But fundamentally, any man paying a sex worker cannot know she is giving full and open consent, therefore he is risking being a participant in her rape.

Good men don't do that.

Not sure why you think I'm suggesting that the onus is on the woman to open the conversation. Relationships are a two way thing, right? And it's not about the man's needs to pay for sex, it's the man's (or woman's) needs from the sexual part of the relationship, that can differ considerably from their partner's. It can be a tricky subject to be fully open and honest about, and I can understand how it might seem a simpler solution, with less fallout, to seek satisfaction elsewhere in secret. Until, of course, it's no longer a secret. I'm not perfect, but it seems the bar is set pretty high on MN.

@Oneofthosemanthings

It can be a tricky subject to be fully open and honest about, and I can understand how it might seem a simpler solution, with less fallout, to seek satisfaction elsewhere in secret.

With less fall out if undiscovered, I suppose.

But I think in comparison to an open and frank conversation that may be painful and difficult, calling it a 'simpler solution' to seek out someone else to shag, arrange to meet them, have sex with them, come back to your partner and pretend nothing happened / lie if asked directly where you've been etc. Usually more than once.

How is that simpler? How is less fall out likely?

OP sorry for what you are going through. It’s not possible to see if the bookings did happen only through AW, unless your spouse left a review on the escort’s profile or they left one on his that confirms it. You will need to see secondary and tertiary sources of information to get the full picture. If you can access phone records online, WhatsApp or bank statements you should be able to see if there were texts made to numbers listed on that site, cash withdrawn around the time of the bookings, etc.

In summer of 2019 I found out my partner was on that site, and it was like a hole opened under my feet. I felt so deeply betrayed and hurt. I wanted it to not be true. I went back through all the reviews (this was painful) and matched the dates/times with our life as a couple and it checked out: the reviews were on days we weren’t together, we went to Malta and the reviews stop, we come back and she gets a few reviews (had to make up for lost time), dinner at the Shard for her birthday = no review, next day as I leave for work = review, etc., in the end it was

Regardless of how you feel about escorts/sex work, ultimately it’ll be up to you to decide what you’re willing to live with, even if he hypothetically didn’t do the physical betrayal the intent was there + the deceit.

Hi,

i read your article and wondered if a male perspective would help with the difficult position you find yourself in.

There is no doubt in my mind that your husband booked a service through the site. Whether he paid a deposit or in full should be easy enough by looking through the bank or credit card services...you cannot use cash.

Men are extremely poor at communicating and this could be for many reason. please do not interpret this as n excuse for his or mens behaviour in general.

It could be that your husband has a particular fantasy or just wants to try something new. it could be he has overheard a conversation you may have had with friends he has misunderstood or he has hinted something to you that hasn't been received how he hoped. This is your husbands fault for not clearing up his fears or misunderstanding. In today's world, everything is available at our finger tips. His desire may have been satisfied with porn but adult service are widely available.

If you are looking for a confession from him, i don't think you will get one that will satisfy the hurt you are feeling. Your husband has used the site and made a booking that much you know is true. what you don't know is if he actually went through with it. What you will need to consider is at what point to you consider he has overstepped the sanctity of your marriage e.g: was it searching for the service, was it registering, was it booking & paying it or was it if he had followed through with the booking.

At the moment you don't know what he was looking for from the service. it maybe you are comfortable with what he was looking for and maybe able to talk it through with him to resolve the situation.

However, whichever way you decide to resolve, you have to decide whether you ill be able to trust your husband fully again. it is my experience that once trust has been broken there will always be doubt.

good luck

Why do incel men always crop up on threads like this?

😂😂 why is it you default to insults? Good chat, thanks for the effort.

Yes, please

Girlfriend, cop yourself on babes. He's playing you like a fiddle. Get rid and have a holiday.

Then come back and join Adultwork

I'd tell you to grow up but that won't happen.

These types of men never change, even when old and lonely they are still waiting for their carers to turn up and rub some ointment on their poor weary legs.

Honestly, women find and keep a distance from these shallow sorts. There is never an aprovement in them.
They are vacuous with no depth, emotional intellegence or imagination.

It's just about their penis and sex, there is no more, nothing.

Op, there are better men, don't let these idiots tell you there are not and do not ever try to cater to their needs.

Hahhaa, thanks will skip the second suggestion 😂

I think He probably uses online services there, being that there is credit, whatever is photos or also webcam etc I don't know. But those meetings I'm not sure as he did book the prostitute for a few hours later and that makes the meeting less likely to happen as there is very little time to see the message etc and arrange a place to meet etc. It is like he wanted it to happen or have that fantasy but at the same time felt guilty so he really didn't want it to happen, if that makes sense . The behaviour mean he is capable of cheating and of lying too and of keeping secrets , I suppose more in an ow type situation where he could meet someone and see them behind your back. It doesn't mean he has been meeting prostitutes, more like window shopping and webcam probably. Still a cheating b... that will eventually break your heart because he will eventually get involved with someone else behind your back.

I am learning so much from this thread. You can get credits?

Personally, I wouldn't care a "flying foxglove" whether my husband had actually met up with an escort or not if I ever discovered that he went on such sites and made bookings. Just "no". The making bookings and finding the site (in the first place!) would be enough to make me walk by itself. I wouldn't care a damn whether he paid up or not! Good grief - this is a no-brainer my way! 😳

I am so sorry for you, i know how you feel.
Many people here well said its doesn’t matter he did it or not, he got involved in these things, checking out prostitutes, made bookings etc…

What happened in the months since you found out, OP? Hope you're OK and feeling stronger.

It was hard, still is. But life doesn’t stop, and i am getting better and better😊

Escort of 15 years here. I've used adultwork since I was 18. That is a booking request, he's paying her for her services. Weather he went or not, he had intentions of seeing her and paying her £100 for her time. You can check her page and see if she left him feedback if she did He definitely saw her.

I’m so naive, I had no idea sites like this existed. I mean obviously I know escorts exist but didn’t realise it was so straightforward and easy, with reviews etc.