Partner shouted at me whilst driving with baby in back

[mumma2698]

Hi there.

I was driving my partner and our baby to get some lunch and before we set off I was getting maps up on my phone, he then mentioned we don't need maps he knows the directions, I understood that and told him he can still give me directions however I would like maps up as a back up so I can also see the road ahead and plan ahead,also there have been times you have told me directions last minute so at least it I have maps on then it's always there.

My lather then was like what just in case I don't know the way, and swiped the maps off my phone, I put it back up again and said I want it there for reassurance, then he said I was being petty and I want things my way, I tried to tell him I am still agreeing to go your directions but as I said I want it there as a back up especially when I don't know all the roads the map helps with that.

So we carried on driving with maps up and he was letting me follow maps and later as he said there's no point having both maps and me giving directions as It will confuse me.

Closer to our area/ location he tried switching maps off and mentioned I'll tell you directions from here but again I just wanted it there as reassurance, as sometimes he gives me directions last min and at least with maps it can redirect us if need be.
We had plenty of time to get to our destination so there was no rush, I also said I've been the wrong way using maps or when you have giving me directions so it's not the worst thing in the world and also I am the driver so I want to do which best suits me, he turned around and said I was being petty and immature and just want things my way. Plus he is the navigator so it should be up to him. Then with all this talk I went the wrong way, then he went from 0-100 and shouted at me 'your going the wrong way' repeatedly and clenched fists, I said not so bout with out baby in the car and he carries on so I pulled up and he was still shouting, so I gave him a little slap on the leg and said stop shouting as our baby and we are in the car, then he made out I'm the abusive one and I shouldn't hit, which I know should of not slapped him on leg but I felt I had no where to go, so he got out of the car and said you know you shouldn't hit a man as If you hit me I can hit you...he later calmed down and got back in car.

Just wanted some advice on situation?

@alloweraoway you might think you're helping, but you're really not. Or maybe you don't think you're helping, who knows. Either way trying to drag this thread into the long grass is energy I'm sure you can spend better elsewhere.

OP, Why are you with him!!!

Clearly you don't bring out the best in each other? He has treated you like crap multiple times.

Why?

Both wrong. Baffled about h or people are outraged at shouting yet tripping over themselves to defend hitting. The hit is clearly being minimised it's not appropriate to slap on the leg during an argument and I doubt it was 'a little slap' given the tension between both.

Funnily enough, I've had a serious argument on the car over Google Maps. We were both wrong.

One person thinking they're right isn't helpful in the slightest.

Whole situation is not great and yes, you should probably separate and both reflect on how you acted. That's not judgement, because I've been there. It's just the truth if you want to be together. Or even if you don't.

I just feel there have been so many times where he has shouted out of other like I am the blame and I have been patient and got him to calm, how we when it happens so many times I don't have the same energy and now with a baby when hormones imbalances and constant overwhelmed where I do most of it on my own as we see each other weekends and then we have petty arguments which make him blow not he does not understand why I wanted maps on on first place he just sees it as I'm not listening to him or disrespecting him and I guess I just has enough in that situation because rarely we have a normal conversation of understanding

You two should split up immediately

Amen.

You and he should not be together end of. What sort of example are you setting for your child?. You want this young person to grow up seeing this from his/her parents as the cornerstone of their childhood?.

Not being minimised at all, if I dis not want to mention the slapping I would miss it out but I am open and honest, literally a slap to be like calm yourself out baby is in the back stop shouting, then it made him shout more when I told him not to with a smirk on his face like he was purposely doing it to annoy me or get to me because he knows I hate it? Normally I have patience and walk away with baby cover baby's ears o couldn't do that in the car I was driving felt cornered and nowhere to go so I had to quickly pull up to safety x

I question myself sometimes I guess I see all the good and know his past and justify his actions or think he will change x

He basically said something along the lines I'll end up going prison for hitting you because you hit me,

Thank you, I do have lots of support I have all my family around me and his lives in a different city, Andy siblings know of his behaviour and alao give me advice, I come on here also to get unbiased opinions so for all the people who say abuse that's your Perspective ,I get it you don't know the bigger picture and yes I need to work on regulating my emotions and not put that into actions but time and time again I put up with him! To all the people who see my point of view thanks, I am trying to reply to all its hard to catch up and sometimes I cannot write a response to some of the threads z

Lucky we are not married or living together x

No he wouldn't behave like that at all, he is mr nice guy

All this talk about respect! He doesn’t sound like someone worth respecting.

Please finish this now.

Yes I may of done a few posts on here previously and it may of been regarding our arguing restaurant, maybe not same restaurant but another argument

You obviously shouldn’t have hit him and I’m not minimising that but from what you’ve described he was never in any danger or fear (though that doesn’t make it ok) and now he’s retaliated by threatening to hit you. Which isn’t ideal. The relationship just seems incredibly toxic.
He is verbally abusive, by yelling at you and calling you names so often.
he can’t drive but is controlling and belittling you. He has a temper and blows up regularly at you. And he isn’t parenting his child even 50% of the time.

I don’t really think him yelling in the car with the baby is what you should be worrying about it’s all the other behaviour you’re modelling to them with this relationship.

No if he keeps being shot tempered definitely not, it's not healthy for either of us and certainly not baby, he knows he needs help or therapy/ counselling but he thinks doctors will just give him happy pills and too expensive to do counselling, his a weed smoker so apparently that calms him, often after arguements he will have a smoke.

He's going to kill you

I can say he has always been like this. Has an issue with his temper.

Another example where something petty led to me being thrown back.

Around our area we cannot recycle glass bottles in the green bins only at a bottle bank. We didn't know this at the time so once the bins were not collected because my lather put a load of beer bottles in there, I told him this at the time which was aw weal months ago,

Recently few weeks back he did it again so I kindly reminded him remember do not put glass bottles there otherwise we will either potentially get fined or bins won't be collected for another week or until we clear the bins ourselves.

Then couple of weeks ago he did it again on the Saturday and I mentioned again please don't do it, I feel your disrespecting me now as I have told you multiple times the next day he does it again with another bottle so I took it out this time and he laughs, I said look I'm going bottle bank with other bottles so I'll put them away then! As I went to grab the other bottles I come back and he had put the bottle back.

I tried to explain again to stop doing it and annoying me and stop disrespecting my sisters home and he basically was taking the kids saying only your city spent recycle glass bottles stop being petty, this Connie's later over the phone as it was me trying to explain how I feel he is purposely trying to get a reaction, then he responses with 'your lucky I don't smash it over your head'

I said you have offended me and hang up! Once he rang back I thought he would apologise but instead says I have to take things so literally it was a joke stop being sensitive.

Yet when I keep maps on he thinks he can shout it's like one rule for him

I have not read all the comments just the first so sorry if this has been covered.
But if he does not drive then it should be what is comfortable for you . You are the driver you make the decisions. You need to make this clear to him
Tell him if he wants to comment on how you drive then he should learn to drive first.
It's very controlling behaviour. And shouting because you went the wrong way is very aggressive behaviour .
He sounds like a joy to be around

You sound like you have your head screwed on so why are you with him?
He's a hot head.
He has anger issues
He does not listen to you
He doesn't respect you.
He smokes weed
He threatens you with violence.
He refuses to get help from professionals.
Are you trying to rescue him from himself?
He isn't your responsibility, your daughter is

What is actually keeping you with him other than the fact you have a baby together?
You aren't married
You don't live together
End the relationship, bring up your child in a positive environment where she's not going to inhale second hand weed smoke.

One of my former students came to school high as a kite and stinking of weed, the pastoral team had to search her bag. Turned out it was her parents second hand smoke and then social services were called. He isn't going to change and that could quite easily be your daughter in a decade or so time.

your lucky I don't smash it over your head'

so he threatens you with violence regularly too.

is there a reason you’re not getting away from him?

When I read this I question myself, I guess I keep trying to make things work, there have been several times I've called a break/space and then we've not really had it, so that's my fault with not doing through with it, then I'm arguments he brings it up slating me for always resetting the relationship shop etc calls me the immature one as couples argue apparently I am always so quick to end things, however he does not realise it's not bout the argument it's how things are handled and how I made to feel! Someone always has to be right and wrong whereas I'm not about that it's about communication and coming to an understanding

This. He's threatened you more than once. This goes in one of three directions:

The woman walks on eggshells, does everything the man wants, becomes small and quiet and delays his violence. OR,

The woman doesn't and he escalates to violence quicker. OR

Leave.

You simply aren't compatible.

Thats ok, would have been better to have realised that before you had a baby but what's done is done sometimes it doesn't become obvious until later in a relationship or when it's put under pressure.

If you end it for good now she won't know any different. The initial stress of splitting up and sorting contact will all be sorted before she's old enough to remember any of it.

You can properly plan your life with her as the centre of it, perhaps do a Women's Aid course, you have good boundaries but they are weak and you need to learn to make them strong and not go back to him.

You deserve better than this. Perhaps all couples fight (they don't, not like him anyway) but think how relaxed you'll be on your own without treating on eggshells. It's just been me and my daughter for 15 years and it's fantastic we have a great bond, there's never ever been a raised voice or aggression in our house, no name calling, no cursing, no threatens of violence, no drugs.