Partner shouted at me whilst driving with baby in back

[mumma2698]

Hi there.

I was driving my partner and our baby to get some lunch and before we set off I was getting maps up on my phone, he then mentioned we don't need maps he knows the directions, I understood that and told him he can still give me directions however I would like maps up as a back up so I can also see the road ahead and plan ahead,also there have been times you have told me directions last minute so at least it I have maps on then it's always there.

My lather then was like what just in case I don't know the way, and swiped the maps off my phone, I put it back up again and said I want it there for reassurance, then he said I was being petty and I want things my way, I tried to tell him I am still agreeing to go your directions but as I said I want it there as a back up especially when I don't know all the roads the map helps with that.

So we carried on driving with maps up and he was letting me follow maps and later as he said there's no point having both maps and me giving directions as It will confuse me.

Closer to our area/ location he tried switching maps off and mentioned I'll tell you directions from here but again I just wanted it there as reassurance, as sometimes he gives me directions last min and at least with maps it can redirect us if need be.
We had plenty of time to get to our destination so there was no rush, I also said I've been the wrong way using maps or when you have giving me directions so it's not the worst thing in the world and also I am the driver so I want to do which best suits me, he turned around and said I was being petty and immature and just want things my way. Plus he is the navigator so it should be up to him. Then with all this talk I went the wrong way, then he went from 0-100 and shouted at me 'your going the wrong way' repeatedly and clenched fists, I said not so bout with out baby in the car and he carries on so I pulled up and he was still shouting, so I gave him a little slap on the leg and said stop shouting as our baby and we are in the car, then he made out I'm the abusive one and I shouldn't hit, which I know should of not slapped him on leg but I felt I had no where to go, so he got out of the car and said you know you shouldn't hit a man as If you hit me I can hit you...he later calmed down and got back in car.

Just wanted some advice on situation?

He set you up to ask him what was wring so ge could throw a fit and blame you.

As I suspected, you are in an abusive relationship.

It's never OK for him to be calling you names.

How can you be helped to leave your abuser?
Do you have supportive family or friends to confide in?

You need to get away from this bully.
Speak to womens aid.

Stuck it in why don't you. Why not at least be honest and point out that he behaved appallingly. But that's no fun for you is it as he's not reading the thread and you just enjoy sticking the boot into OPs

Actually op, this post sounds familiar. The restaurant stuff.
Have you posted before?

Op you need to stop looking at this as just one bad event. He has shown you consistently over time that he is vile.

Connect the dots and get off the merry go round he WANTS you stuck on of 'who was in the wrong today?'. Because its irrelevant.

Look at the big picture.

He's an angry man who calls you names and makes your life harder instead of better.

Time to get away from him.

it is not ok to hit.

We do have space as we live apart currently l, trying to sort living situation however postpones when we argue because I can't be dealing with it and do not want all that under one roof and out baby is my priority

Good stuff OP. I'd keep it that way.

Maybe not but it's pretty common place for a woman to chide her husband with a smack on the leg if he's getting carried away with himself infront of the kids. Usually accompanied with an 'oi, behave yourself'.

I'd never get in the car with him again. Just refuse to drive him.

So he is the one in control and you have to obey orders. Does he behave that way in his job?

Don't drive anywhere and don't move in with him. You both didn't deal with a non situation in the first place well.

Firstly, his behaviour is unacceptable.

Secondly your response was unacceptable.

I get the impression you don't quite know how to deal with this man. The correct way is to stop the car if he is shouting at you and tell him to get out of it (and your life).

This relationship sounds doomed. Have some standards and don't tolerate his abusive and controlling nonsense...and deal with it like a grown up.

I doubt she gave him a body blow to the leg given their seating positions.

Anything positive about him?

Well thank goodness you don't live together, and an even bigger Thank goodness you are not married.

and Thank goodness you can CHOOSE if you want to be in this ' relationship '...

So hes verbally/emotionally abusive and you’re physically abusive, you’ve both subjected your baby to domestic violence.

Stay living apart, end the relationship, the poor baby doesn’t deserve to be subjected to further domestic violence.

Arguing whist driving is not safe.
You don't live together and never should

She literally said 'a little slap on the leg'. And the leg seems the most likely from a seating position with a belt on anyway.

Not a 'blow' either.

Can we stop making out that it's an assault because frankly it's ridiculous and exactly the se bullshit narrative he'll use when he knocks her the fuck out and claims she somehow started it.
Its bs.

Advice? Drive off and leave him there, then head to the nearest solicitors to start divorce proceedings. This relationship is a shitshow, you're as bad as each other! Poor baby!

of course it is assault

Whatever you do, do not move in with this man. Please, get some support so you can see his behaviour for what it is and recognise that neither you or your baby should be subjected to it.

No, ideally you shouldn't have slapped him on the leg, however, in comparison to the unreasonable bullshit that he had pulled throughout the journey at that point, plus, what sounds to be a picture of control and manipulation from him via his temper, I do not blame you. Please don't let the slap on the leg become the focus here, just make sure that you don't put yourself in a position where you're likely to do it again, and that means you need to get yourself away from him.

Yes you have a baby with him, and ideally you'd both be able to create a safe and healthy environment for a child to grow up in and remain together, but that sounds highly unlikely, so you need to do the next best thing, which is a safe and peaceful happy home with you. Don't stick around and test the theory about what happens next time. Get away from him.

Well you better never visit my besties Italian family then xD

Sorry but lots of people communicate to their husbands by slapping their leg. If they get too amorous in company. If they are saying something embarrassing infront of guests. If they are shouting infront of the kids.

A hell of a lot of women would be in jail if that qualified as assault.

Don't be daft. If he wanted to press charges for the slap on the leg, what do you think his chances would be? Zero. And rightly so. Anyone trying to make this OP's fault by negating all the control ling and unreasonable behaviour he has shown, because of one light slap on his leg from a seated position next to him needs to give their head a shake.

Is no one going to comment on him saying "if you hit me then I can hit you?"

The relationship is super toxic, please consider leaving.

Don’t let him back in the car.

It’s not safe to drive a passenger who screams and shouts at you and messes with the phone/console when you’re driving.

Don’t Let him back in the house. He’s a nasty piece of work. Don’t let him have unsupervised access to your DD until he’s demonstrating better self control than he has now. Hot headed my arse.

Yeah it's aboulutely a threat that he's going to use op slapping his leg as an excuse to assault her. And probably do some real damage too.

Which is why it pisses me off seeing the ridiculous comments on here about op and assault. I hope you all know you're contributing to her partners gaslighting and potentially making her stay longer thinking she somehow deserves whatever she gets.

quite surprising how many posters on MN dont seem to understand the meaning of the word "assault" . And whether or not it could be proved in court is not part of the definition.