School dad situationship

[Underscore83]

I know a dad at my kids school, he's recently separated from his wife as I am from my husband.
We've started talking and have clicked so well I have that at once and had a few kisses but speak every single night via text or phone call.
Obviously our children know each other at school but don't know anything about us. Same goes for everybody else in the playground.
It's a very small, tiny rural school and I'm a bit worried everything getting out and the consequences. ..
Why do I feel like I'm doing something wrong,?

You're not doing anything wrong. But the fact you are in similar positions may be creating a false sense of affinity. Take it slowly and keep it quiet until you know what it is, and whether you want it to develop.

Bear in mind separated is not the same as divorce and there is a possibility that he may go back to his wife.
I know you want some happiness and it’s a nice feeling after a relationship breakdown but do your homework before you jump in!

We're currently both going through a divorce after our partners both cheated

So is he recently separated or going through a divorce? Which is it?

Either way if it's recent I doubt he's even ready to date.

This would be too close to home for me. When you break up, you’ll have to see him in the playground every day.

Yes, this. 'Recently separated' is a very different thing to 'mid-divorce'.

This is going to end terribly. You're both on the rebound and if it gets out the whole village will know.

I'd back right off. There's no chance this will end well. Too soon.

If.

She is also recently separated, so I assume your point is the same for her?

And exactly the same possibility she may go back to her husband?

It is not wrong, but the fact is early time and he is very local may made you think about the what ifs? Creating your doubts.
See how it goes, but very slowly.

Yes I'd say the same about her too.

There's a big difference between recently separated, when you're dealing with all the emotions and loss of what you thought would be and midway through a divorce

Just take it slowly, it's fine. Many people including me meet someone before the paperwork is done, just be alert in case he's not telling the whole truth

What you do is your business, you can simply say you are just friendly at the school gates if anyone asks, nothing will get out unless you make it very obvious. Even if the worse happens, you still haven't done anything wrong

Surely recently separated people can be going through a divorce? I'd class myself as both 🤷🏻‍♀️

I agree they should give it time and then make sure they are both ready.

However a pet peeve of mine on MN is people saying wait until the divorce is through. Such a naive thing to say and I doubt anyone saying it has actually been through a divorce.

Took me almost 6 years to divorce my abusive ex

And during that time I'd have described myself as "separated"

I was no more likely to go back to him when I was legally separated than I am now that I'm officially divorced

Sounds lovely that you’ve found each other and have someone to talk to. As long as you take it slowly (to protect yourself but more importantly your children) I don’t see an issue. Nobody else’s business but yours and his. Good luck, hope it works out!

All I can say is there were two girls in my school growing up who had this set up. I have no idea the circumstances of that relationship or how it came about but one girls dad was with a different girls mum and they got picked on for it. One of them made it really nasty and turned all the bullying onto the less popular of the two. I remember the less popular girl crying in the toilet when I was in there telling a friend that she can't even escape the bullies at home because they are this girls friends and at her house all the time.

Even if your relationship works out other kids are horrible

Thank you .I've been separated for almost 2 years he has since September. No chance of reconciliation of our husband/wives. No one knows about us and we don't even chat at the school.
Surely everyone is entitled to some fun and frolics if no one is getting hurt

I've been separated for 6 years, 7 this year, and say I'm single. I don't even know where he's living right now. So I agree with you on this MN obsession with having an actual divorce on paper.

I'm more likely to go back to the guy I knew 3 years ago than I am my exh. And the divorce is just a formality as we literally live separate lives.

Okay that's a bit different to recently separated (I had assumed a couple of months) enjoy it for what it is. Have fun.