School dad situationship

[Underscore83]

I know a dad at my kids school, he's recently separated from his wife as I am from my husband.
We've started talking and have clicked so well I have that at once and had a few kisses but speak every single night via text or phone call.
Obviously our children know each other at school but don't know anything about us. Same goes for everybody else in the playground.
It's a very small, tiny rural school and I'm a bit worried everything getting out and the consequences. ..
Why do I feel like I'm doing something wrong,?

Stay friends. It is never a good idea to start a new relationship when you haven't finished with your previous relationship.when you both have your divorces and you have unpacked the baggage if you still feel the same go ahead. You won't take this advice I know I was told this by my therapist. I ignored her and lived to regret it. When you have been cheated on you want to be validated feel wanted etc.

It sounds like a good situation to be in. Ye both get to have a bit of a relationship but probably both know it's just casual with small expectations

I think it's fine. But you just need to be very careful and I would 100% keep it on the down low for now - you really don't want to be gossiped about at school because that will make things difficult for all the children involved.

Just to rectify.
For both separated, children aren't friends in school. They're different ages. Nobody knows about it apart from us. No one's getting hurt. I don't know why this has got so many people's back up. Surely everybody deserves happiness. Relationships happen all the time. Mainly In workplaces which makes that awkward. This is at my child school. And I'm pretty sure the people with the negativity on this post aren't all little angels.

I think you just take it slowly and keep it discreet until you know there's actually long term potential in it.

It might be a great match or if may be a rebound. You don't know but there's only one way to find out.

I've seen couples get together quickly after relationships ended. It's usually either extreme - it works out wonderfully Ewell because some people have a greater sense of clarity as to what they really want or don't and in other cases, it's an unmitigated disaster as far too rushed and for the wring reasons.

Unfortunately, you won't know which applies to you until after the fact.

Life is too short not to explore things when opportunities arise. My one work of caution is you are probably separated long enough to be in the right space for a new relationship. He isn't as far along so I think the risk is bigger for you.

Sounds like you're a rebound thing. As is he, most likely.

I would never, ever get involved with someone who had separated within the last 18 months or so. Definitely not within the last 12 months. Purely because with most people, it takes at least that for a person to discover who they are without their spouse. To get settled into a new routine (& a new home, usually) and to be honest, to let every single anniversary/birthday/kids birthdays etc and "this time last year..." to pass. There needs to be a notable period of time to let water run under the bridge, even if their "...marriage was dead for a long time..."

Besides, the fact that you're having sufficient doubtful thoughts to lead you to post on here, says that you too think it's either too soon or not quite right?

I don't get the negativity either - it sounds like a good solid foundation so it makes sense to explore IMO

I think that depends on the person - left a 22y relationship Feb 23 - dated almost immediately as I felt I was ready to do so (the relationship had been dying for years, both had checked out in 2022). Met someone in July 23 and had never been happier (until recently where she is looking at going back to ex, have posted about this) - I knew exactly who I was and what I wanted. From my point of view it was 100% my ex is my ex, no feelings there and I knew what I wanted and how I was in myself. I was in the right place to date and find love again and would do exactly the same again.

That may not be the case for everyone but we are all different.

Presuming they are both recent separations this could backfire. I would say if you haven’t you need time alone. Will his wife think you’ve had an affair? Then everyone may think the same. In a small school there is a lot of gossip. I would be very careful if I was you. Put yourself and your children first.

Just be careful that it's not the thrill of keeping the relationship a secret over the actual relationship itself. If people were to find out how would the dynamic between you both change? Just something to think about.

I remember a similar situation at our senior school. One of the popular girls parents had split up, and after a short while the dad moved in with one of the quiet girls mum. The popular group made the quiet girl's life an absolute misery, labeling her a dad thief.
I don't think you are doing anything wrong as such, but take this very very slowly.

Ah the primary school days.
I remember my ex partner working his way through all the single mums as my DD made her way through school.

it certainly made for some eventful school fetes.

it’s all fun and games till it’s not.

I've been separated for almost 2 years he has since September.

It would have been really helpful to have put this timeline in your OP. Instead you said you were "recently separated" which I would read as within say, the last 6 months or so.

I think a lot of the first replies would have been very different if you had said 2 years! That's not rebound territory for you, you're probably much more ready to date than he is though. So be careful and take it easy.

No angel no. But you're "fingers in ears" about the potential impacts on your respective kids. It's worth heeding the warnings, and you did ask. Albeit only wanting to hear the affirming replies.
Some of us have real life experience of this and see it in action in live time. It's a mess and the kids are the ones affected.
But if you want to put yourself first crack on.

In my experience, they're always ready to date. Hell my ex was ready to date when my little one was 2 months old!

I think it sounds lovely. I don't understand the rebound and too soon remarks. Enjoy the relationship for what it is at the moment and maybe there will be a future in it in time.

For u maybe, but everyone is different as is every circumstance

Do you know his wife? Was she someone you spoke to at school?

Goodness me, enjoy your relationship, and protect your heart. Life is short

I dont know her. Only said hi in passing

I’d be concerned he’s not been separated long and most of it being texting/speaking rather than meeting up and doing things, could build a false sense of what dating him is like and eat up a lot of your time.

Go for it. Growing up, family friends split, she got together with a friend who was going through her own divorce, nearly 30 years later they are still very happy. Oh and their children knew each other. Of course be careful and discreet but take happiness where you can.

I can’t see anything wrong being done by you. The only thing I would be concerned about, is whether the kids will find it all very overwhelming or consuming, as it’s so close to home / school. Not sure how old the kids in question are, but that would be the thing on my mind.

But you’re asking for people’s thoughts! You obviously just want everyone to say what you want to hear, so why bother asking?!

So both of you are not even properly divorced which means the children involved are still getting used to the situation. And there you both are sneaking around , without a concern for your kids. School is your children's environment first before your romantic liaisons. Imagine if the ex's decide to make trouble or cause an issue- who bears the brunt of it? The children.