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Original poster

School dad situationship

103 replies

Underscore83 · 07/05/2024 07:04

I know a dad at my kids school, he's recently separated from his wife as I am from my husband.
We've started talking and have clicked so well I have that at once and had a few kisses but speak every single night via text or phone call.
Obviously our children know each other at school but don't know anything about us. Same goes for everybody else in the playground.
It's a very small, tiny rural school and I'm a bit worried everything getting out and the consequences. ..
Why do I feel like I'm doing something wrong,?

OP posts:
category12 · 07/05/2024 08:41

Underscore83 · 07/05/2024 08:17

Thank you .I've been separated for almost 2 years he has since September. No chance of reconciliation of our husband/wives. No one knows about us and we don't even chat at the school.
Surely everyone is entitled to some fun and frolics if no one is getting hurt

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He's more likely to be on the rebound than you, so take care of yourself.

BronteH · 07/05/2024 08:58

Underscore83 · 07/05/2024 08:17

Thank you .I've been separated for almost 2 years he has since September. No chance of reconciliation of our husband/wives. No one knows about us and we don't even chat at the school.
Surely everyone is entitled to some fun and frolics if no one is getting hurt

Show quote history

Quite x

Noseybookworm · 07/05/2024 10:23

You've been separated for 2 years so it's perfectly reasonable for you to be dating again. He's been separated for less time and I'd be worried about this being a rebound relationship. I'd just take it slowly and wait and see what transpires. Just be discreet and keep your relationship away from the school and your children for the moment.

AuntieSoap · 07/05/2024 15:31

Way too soon. It's a mistake to go straight into another relationship after a marriage split.

cheshirebloke · 07/05/2024 15:43

Just make sure you both stay on the same page as to what you want. If it's definitely just fun and frolics for both of you then go right ahead, but obviously keep it very, very quiet. That way, if it goes nowhere then the only loss is your friendship between you. If things get serious then at some point you'll want to go public. May cause an issue if you split up later on, especially if your kids are close school friends.

I've been with my partner for 5 years and we met as parents of of dc together at primary school. Its been fine, although our kids had moved to separate schools by the time things got serious. I'm sure there was a bit of gossip amongst the other parents when things got public (my ex made sure to spread untrue stories about us), but the kids never had any problems as far as I know.

Dadjoke007 · 07/05/2024 16:01

Got for it - don't think you have got to lose much and how great you already have a bit more trust than you would with a stanger.

I was ready to date within a few months of separating as it was a dead relationship. In fact within 4 months I met someone who I thought would be my forever person.

Starlight1979 · 07/05/2024 16:50

AgentProvocateur · 07/05/2024 07:21

This would be too close to home for me. When you break up, you’ll have to see him in the playground every day.

So what. I know plenty of couples who meet through work (myself and DP included, although we now work at separate sites) who would have to see each other every day if they broke up. Not ideal but it is what it is. We're all adults here!

I say go for it OP and don't overthink things! Obviously in time it will come out but again, so what?! You're both single, consenting adults. Hardly gossip of the century. You're both in a similar boat and let's face it, you're not exactly going to ignore it if the attraction is there and you see each other every day!

I'd just keep it casual for now, enjoy spending time together and see where it goes 😊

Original poster
Underscore83 · 07/05/2024 16:51

Starlight1979 · 07/05/2024 16:50

So what. I know plenty of couples who meet through work (myself and DP included, although we now work at separate sites) who would have to see each other every day if they broke up. Not ideal but it is what it is. We're all adults here!

I say go for it OP and don't overthink things! Obviously in time it will come out but again, so what?! You're both single, consenting adults. Hardly gossip of the century. You're both in a similar boat and let's face it, you're not exactly going to ignore it if the attraction is there and you see each other every day!

I'd just keep it casual for now, enjoy spending time together and see where it goes 😊

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Thank you 😊😊

OP posts:
TheFormidableMrsC · 07/05/2024 17:42

Firstly, I'd take it very slowly as this is pure rebound and very soon to be getting involved with somebody new. In terms of the children, a situation is currently going on in our school involving four different parents and the children of each of those parents. It's disastrous to say the least. It has massively impacted on the children and their friendships. I'd think very carefully about this.

TheFormidableMrsC · 07/05/2024 17:43

TheFormidableMrsC · 07/05/2024 17:42

Firstly, I'd take it very slowly as this is pure rebound and very soon to be getting involved with somebody new. In terms of the children, a situation is currently going on in our school involving four different parents and the children of each of those parents. It's disastrous to say the least. It has massively impacted on the children and their friendships. I'd think very carefully about this.

Sorry I wasn't very clear. Parents who have split and started dating other parents. It's very messy.

Namechangedforthisthreaddd · 07/05/2024 18:03

For the sake of both your kids. DO NOT DO THIS! There are plenty of other men and women out there available to you. It is selfish in the extreme.
Showing a young kid that it's ok to leave their other parent and start shagging their friend's mum/dad is not an appropriate message to give them.

Original poster
Underscore83 · 07/05/2024 18:04

TheFormidableMrsC · 07/05/2024 17:43

Sorry I wasn't very clear. Parents who have split and started dating other parents. It's very messy.

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My child doesnt play or have friendship with his children they are different ages.

OP posts:
Namechangedforthisthreaddd · 07/05/2024 18:05

As per @TheFormidableMrsC it is going on here too.
It truly is a disaster for the kids involved. Awful.

BronteH · 07/05/2024 18:18

TheFormidableMrsC · 07/05/2024 17:42

Firstly, I'd take it very slowly as this is pure rebound and very soon to be getting involved with somebody new. In terms of the children, a situation is currently going on in our school involving four different parents and the children of each of those parents. It's disastrous to say the least. It has massively impacted on the children and their friendships. I'd think very carefully about this.

4 different parents and the children of each of the parents? The mind boggles?!

madameparis · 07/05/2024 18:24

Go for it @Underscore83 but keep it very very quiet and very very separate from your children! Ignore the doom and gloomers. As long as you are both very adult and private about it, then it should mitigate most of the pitfalls.

Riapia · 07/05/2024 18:25

If you both live in the same village the locals will already know.
Nothing is secret in a village.
😉😁😁

TheFormidableMrsC · 07/05/2024 18:33

@BronteH Parents have split up and it's been like musical partners. Created a lot of issues amongst the children (who bar two, are in different year groups). The children have all really struggled and it's caused a huge amount of resentment and anger.

rb124 · 09/05/2024 06:51

I suggest you wait until you both have your decree absolute in place and all the mess associated with divorce is sorted out. Your not doing anything wrong though.

Namechangedforthisthreaddd · 09/05/2024 07:03

@rb124 "your not doing anything wrong"
Really?
Have you got real-life experience of this in your kids school?

Kids being left out of birthday party invites because of their parents situationships.
Bullying and aggression between affected kids.
Behaviour problems.
That's just the start of it.

OutlawZeroHours · 09/05/2024 07:18

highlo · 07/05/2024 08:03

I agree they should give it time and then make sure they are both ready.

However a pet peeve of mine on MN is people saying wait until the divorce is through. Such a naive thing to say and I doubt anyone saying it has actually been through a divorce.

Took me almost 6 years to divorce my abusive ex

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I'm not even bothering with a divorce - made an agreement between ourselves re house, kids etc and left it at that, 6 years ago. And my ex had a new partner within a couple of weeks of leaving the family home (or maybe before, but who cares now? Water under the bridge) whom he moved in with, 200 miles away, about a year ago. They seem quite happy!

rb124 · 09/05/2024 07:22

Namechangedforthisthreaddd · 09/05/2024 07:03

@rb124 "your not doing anything wrong"
Really?
Have you got real-life experience of this in your kids school?

Kids being left out of birthday party invites because of their parents situationships.
Bullying and aggression between affected kids.
Behaviour problems.
That's just the start of it.

That's your opinion - I'm sure the OP is grown up enough to be able to think this through for herself.
We've had a couple of similar things happen and (afaik) there was none of the stuff you described going on - maybe we're a bit more mature about these things than the people at your School?

Dery · 09/05/2024 07:39

Honestly, I’m with the go with it - in a responsible and sensible way - and see what unfolds crowd. I’ve known situations like this and it’s been fine because everyone’s behaved responsibly.

Fluffyj · 09/05/2024 07:41

Just take it slowly. Get to really know each other & have fun. It may work out , it may not. We all deserve a happy life & if you don't give it a try you'll never know. I'm sure as a mum you won't rush into anything that may affect your children. Positive thoughts to you x

Politeperson81 · 09/05/2024 08:18

Do what is right for you, you only live once

Dadjoke007 · 09/05/2024 08:45

Namechangedforthisthreaddd · 07/05/2024 18:03

For the sake of both your kids. DO NOT DO THIS! There are plenty of other men and women out there available to you. It is selfish in the extreme.
Showing a young kid that it's ok to leave their other parent and start shagging their friend's mum/dad is not an appropriate message to give them.

So basically stay single till the kids are 18+?

I mean, she could meet anyone OLD and be trapped in a bad relationship!

People break up all the time and unless they were having a fling while married it doesn't matter who they are with. How is it selfish - if it works great, if not then you move on