My partner and I returned from a meal out earlier tonight
I was calling it a "date nite" . We'd had a nice time.
Once home, he reached for an already opened bottle of red and found it empty.. and this is what happened next.
Him "oh. Its empty"
Me " oh, is there any white?"
Him "yes"
Me "then why don't you drink that then ?"
I disappear upstairs for my warm socks and come back down.
He has a glass of white in his hand and approaches me , kisses me on the lips , says "I love you (I thought he was being romantic) then follows it up with "but dont feel you have to manage my drinking".
Me "I'm not" ....
He looks at me. I'm confused.
Me "what are you trying to say?"
Him "you poured it down the sink...
Me : "what ? no I didn't..."
He goes on to tell me I had poured the remains of the open red wine down the sink. I protest my innocence. I make myself a cup of tea and he calmly goes puts the tv on. Calls out what would I like to watch ? I am feeling both foolish (for thinking he was being romantic with the kiss) and angry at his accusation and judgement of me. I go sit next to him. He makes small talk about the t.v program. I am upset at what just happened so I calmly open up.
Me :: "I feel upset at what just happened there. I thought you were being romantic saying you loved me because I looked nice in my dress ...but really there was was something else behind it ...::"
Him: :" yes there was, I did think you liked nice in your dress but I was doing it to start the conversation off (about the sink pouring) nicely. "
I ask in future for him to just be direct and ask me, not fool me with a kiss first.
I tell him again I didn't do it.
He firmly believes that I had. His proof ?..... that he ran his finger over the plug and there was red on it..also that the bottle had been moved from where he put it. so, it's a fact he says, and all I have to be is honest.
I protest my innocence.
I can't believe his calmness. He says maybe I forgot that I did it. I seriously wonder if hes right and maybe I had forgotten but I am sure I didn't do it. I get upset and ask him not to play games with me getting me to think I've done something I haven't..
He refuses to back down. He sways between staying calm with his "facts" and getting agitated with me for pushing back saying stuff like "who was it then ? the fairies...?"
I ask him " why would I suggest you drink the white if I've a problem with you drinking" ? "Why wud I throw the red away to then offer you white? "
But none of it makes any difference. For me, we had a lovely meal out, I really made an effort to look nice and I cudnt believe he wanted the night to end on his mistrust. I said that I had told him the truth and that he had made the choice not to believe me. I felt like the rug had been pulled from under my feet. Said that I loved him and why would i lie to him ? He said it was because I was "2 dimensional". He turned the telly off and didnt want to entertain me talking about it.
He said "just drop it. I"d forgiven you while you were stood at the bottom of the stairs" I started to get a bit hysterical. He still wasnt listening to me and his comments were making it worse. I said I had nothing to be forgiven for. He got up to get ready for bed but then returned downstairs. He slept on the sofa. I said I didn't want the night to end this way and asked if he had created the tension purposely to avoid sleeping with me. He said no.
Im so tired. I have to be up again at 6.30am. He upset me so much my emotions are only just calming down 4hrs later. Hes slept soundly.
I really could do with some careful and honest advice here. Any one else been in the same situation? What do I do about this ? Am I being too sensitive about this? or is his behaviour way off the mark? I don't know how I feel going forward....
Ps ' We been living together since 2020.
Thanks
Joey