I’m 61. 4 months ago, I started dating a guy after eight years of being single.
I wasn’t looking for a man. I met him in real life through a mutual activity. He was very keen and courted me very sweetly, and at first, I thought he was lovely, although I didn’t particularly find him physically attractive.
I was happy to be getting out to restaurants and bars and picnics and days out as a couple - all sorts of things that I haven’t done for years. So far so good.
The problem is the more I’ve got to know about him the less I like him. His behaviour towards me is still positive, but his life story is a real ick for me.
He was married for 30 years, and for that entire time, they lived in a property owned by his ex-wife’s parents. He also worked for his wife in her business. He didn’t save any money or acquire any property of his own during this time. Just lived for free. That’s a massive turn off for me. I’m not sure if I’m being unfair about this.
After he divorced 3 years ago, his sister got him a job and he lived for free in a property owned by his sister. That job fell through. Now he lives with his parents who recently bought him a car. He’s 58.
He has now started a job which means we’ve gone semi long distance, but when he’s in town he now assumes he’s coming to my place. I find this too much too soon. We’ve gone from 3 months of lovely dates to him arriving on a Friday night and being stuck with him all weekend. This is nice for him but my life is on hold every weekend because I feel like I have a house guest underfoot the whole time. Plus I have to rush around before he comes - cleaning and shopping. I work full time so I treasure my weekends.
He also seems to have slumped into domesticity when at mine. He’s stopped planning dates like he did in the beginning, but even when we have plans he ‘can’t be arsed’ getting changed to go out in the evening. I am beginning to feel like I’m giving him the ‘husband experience’ that he’s been used to for the last 30 years, but there’s not much in it for me.
I own my house, have a good job, a good pension. I’m 100% self made and have educated myself and built everything I have from my own hard work. This guy has nothing to his name at 58.
Am I being massively judgemental based on material things? I’m very tempted just to end it, but I’m also thinking it might be nice to have someone to grow old with. My Mum died recently and he was very supportive and kind and I felt so lucky that I’d met him and didn’t have to go through this alone.
I can’t stop ruminating on this. Do I end things or do I overlook the issues that I’m judging him for and just appreciate that he’s kind, attentive and good company? I’m mindful I may never find this again .