Miscarrying our baby.. Am I overthinking his behaviour?

[Tweetiexo]

Hi guys,

So we have a almost 2 year old and I was pregnant and began to miscarry Monday morning I was super upset and my partner hugged me etc and then after an hour or so he said “don’t worry we’ll have sex again soon I’m sure” I brushed this off. Later he didn’t say much, didn’t really help me much I continued my day as normal having to take care of our toddler and do what I need to around the house (I also continued to work I work from home) because I can’t afford time off as he works part time so my finances cover everything and he pays half the rent. The next day he kept kissing me, trying to shove his tongue in my mouth, touched my boob, touching my bum I felt so uncomfortable and I told him like his so insensitive and he just kinda joked it off. He hasn’t asked me how I’m feeling about it, if there is anything he can do to support or anything. Instead last night he said “are you sure it’s not just a period” he saw me take the test, he knew I missed my period and he also saw what was coming out of me on Monday as I was miscarrying. I feel so invalidated.

I’m not sure if I’m overthinking it?

I’m open mouthed reading this. No, you are not overthinking this, he’s being absolutely revolting. I’m so so sorry both for your miscarriage and for the lack of care, decency and support you’re receiving from the person who should love and cherish you the most. I’m appalled for you.

You can have my first LTB

He sounds like a complete and utter dick. Massively insensitive and unsupportive regarding your feelings about losing the baby, but to make the situation about not being able to have sex rather than the miscarriage itself is just really disgusting behaviour.

On another note, why is he working PT and leaving the majority of bill paying to you? Is that because he’s doing more childcare/housework/studying or just being lazy?

It’s a LTB from me. He sounds vile.

This is such bizarre behaviour from someone who should love and care for you. I’m sorry you’re going through this loss - please do try to get some rest. It’s more tiring then you’d imagine.
You deserve alot more love, care and respect than you’ve been shown so far.

You're definitely not overthinking this. You may actually be underthinking it.
He's vile.

I'm so, so sorry you're having a miscarriage and that you've been treated so appallingly by the person in the world who should not only care most about the miscarriage, but who should value and cherish you. You do not deserve to be treated like that. It's revolting behaviour.

I’m so sorry for your loss 😢

Do you get the impression he meant you would have sex soon to ‘try again’ or that he was more pre-occupied with when he would get his next shag and assumed you were too?

Perhaps he needs to be told to respect your feelings and emotional (and physical!) state right now and to leave the groping out for a while. A lot of men don’t experience miscarriages the way women do as to them it’s hard to think of them as an actual baby at the at stage, which can be extremely hurtful.

He may be thinking this will divert your attention away from it, but whatever his motivation is you should tell him you don’t want any of that right now and if he cares about you he can show it by helping look after your child and taking a significant amount of the household and childcare burden from you while you process this.

I hope you are feeling a lot better in every way really soon Xx

No way are you over thinking please LTB I'm absolutely shocked and disgusted

“don’t worry we’ll have sex again soon I’m sure”
I think my vagina would be clamping shut indefinitely.
I’m sorry for your loss op, I hope you can get support from someone who isn’t this man.

Obviously I just have a snapshot, but could better communication help. Could he be downplaying it/ getting you to reprase it in your mind as a late period/ joking as misguided support.

I would never have sex with him again. My fanny would be too busy waving a white flag and running away while the rest of my body soon followed.

What a gross little man he is. Completely insensitive and just grim.

So on Monday you started to bleed and by Wednesday he thinks you're going to have sex with him?
Does he understand what is happening to your body from the physical point of view? I have no doubt he unfortunately doesn't care about the psychological aspect of what you're going through.

Some of the things I read on Mumsnet leave me open mouthed with shock at how some poster's partners behave. I'm afraid OP your post is one of them.
Unbelievable insensitivity
Sympathy and best wishes to you.

He works part time due to laziness to spend time finding a full time job, I do all the childcare and household too. I work from home from 8am - 5:30/6pm whilst taking care of our toddler and losing my baby.

I told him to stop with how he is behaving but he makes it into a joke and starts laughing it off “oh it’s an accident” “I was just putting my hand someplace to rest”

Our toddler is always full of energy and bounces all about the place and my partner keeps saying to him “this is because of you mummy lost the baby” “this is all your fault” because he kicks etc but I had to tell him not to ever say that again to my little baby and he hasn’t since.< forgot to add this bit

That's appalling. The initial comment I could interpret as 'we'll try again' but the other behavior is genuinely awful. Please have a very serious think if you do want another child with this man, and sorry for your loss.

It was after an hour of me bleeding he made the comment about sex

OP this is genuinely abusive to you both. Please consider ending the relationship and seeking support from a domestic abuse charity.

"Our toddler is always full of energy and bounces all about the place and my partner keeps saying to him “this is because of you mummy lost the baby” “this is all your fault” because he kicks etc but I had to tell him not to ever say that again to my little baby and he hasn’t since.< forgot to add this bit"

This man is evil.

Lazy.

A sex pest

Get the fuck away from him.

You would be better off without him. He is lazy and inconsiderate.

LEAVE HIM. And in the meantime, double up on contraception. Or don't have sex. Please. He's a lazy, insensitive, shitty sex pest. You deserve better.

I didn’t want to have a baby with how unsupportive he is with our first however I hadn’t slept with him in a while, months even. But I woke up to him having sex with me and it was that one time and I ended up pregnant. I was asleep didn’t really think into it the next day until I missed my period.

He keeps pestering me for kisses then says “give me a bit of tongue” I feel sick! I have decided to leave this man just not had the chance to speak to him but it will be this week.

I just thought I may be overthinking around his behaviour with the miscarriage although I feel so sick by him the thought of his touch, kissing just can’t.

He's a rapist. I'm so so sorry. Please get somewhere safe. Do you have friends or family supporting you?

😱

I have friends and family supporting me more so friends and my manager at work is a Saint she knows everything and has put a action plan in place for when I ask him to leave which will be on the 7th may (he won’t leave prior to that as he always says he would never leave before the rent date as he pays half the rent) however I know it won’t be as simple as me telling him to leave and him going

Again not over thinking the best thing you can do is contact a domestic violence charity like woman's aid now would be a great time how awful he is.

I'm so sorry. And very pleased you have a plan to end the relationship. Is there anywhere safe to stay until he leaves? Or until you can find somewhere else to live. I think you're right that he won't just leave.

You could report the rape to police but I know that's a lot and nothing would happen to him.