Miscarrying our baby.. Am I overthinking his behaviour?

[Tweetiexo]

Hi guys,

So we have a almost 2 year old and I was pregnant and began to miscarry Monday morning I was super upset and my partner hugged me etc and then after an hour or so he said “don’t worry we’ll have sex again soon I’m sure” I brushed this off. Later he didn’t say much, didn’t really help me much I continued my day as normal having to take care of our toddler and do what I need to around the house (I also continued to work I work from home) because I can’t afford time off as he works part time so my finances cover everything and he pays half the rent. The next day he kept kissing me, trying to shove his tongue in my mouth, touched my boob, touching my bum I felt so uncomfortable and I told him like his so insensitive and he just kinda joked it off. He hasn’t asked me how I’m feeling about it, if there is anything he can do to support or anything. Instead last night he said “are you sure it’s not just a period” he saw me take the test, he knew I missed my period and he also saw what was coming out of me on Monday as I was miscarrying. I feel so invalidated.

I’m not sure if I’m overthinking it?

Contact the police for a proper exit plan ASAP
Stay safe

Sounds like you and your little one are seriously at risk op, don't tell him to leave alone, phone the police if you have to.
Stay safe.

I had asked him to leave around a few weeks ago as he gave me the cold shoulder when we found out I was pregnant and didn’t acknowledge me or the pregnancy so I’d had enough and asked him to leave which is why he said he would not leave until the 7th as he paid the rent until then however when he came home from work he had changed his tune saying he was processing the pregnancy he wants to have this family this baby and isn’t leaving I begged him to leave and said to him I didn’t need him around to play fake happy families however he said whatever happens as long as I was pregnant he wouldn’t leave and if I wanted him to leave once the baby was here he would but he always makes false agreements as such and never leaves now I’ve miscarried the baby there is no acknowledgment of the fact I wanted him to leave it’s as if it didn’t happen. I’m going to have to have the conversation with him again prior to the 7th but idk why it triggers so much of my anxiety.

I don’t have anyone that could be here when I tell him as I live quite afar from my family and friends

Christ this man raped you. He is not someone you need to be near. Please kick him out before he rapes you again.

Tell him to GTFO!!!!!! He has sex with you while you were asleep, sorry, how does he think that is consensual.

“this is because of you mummy lost the baby” “this is all your fault” what a disgusting thing to say to a toddler. I have a nearly 2 year old. I miscarried in November, it was not my very energic toddlers fault, wasn't mine either, just one of those things.

Are you minding your child while working? If he is working part time why is he not minding the toddler when he isn't working.

I read this as him saying you guys can try for another baby soon, in a (poor and misguided) attempt to console you OP?

LTB. Shocking

Gosh just read to the end, I'm sorry OP. Absolutely awful!! Hope you have some support xx

Report what he has said about the bin room to the police along with the sexual and emotional abuse.
Talk to your HV, they can refer you to domestic abuse support services and an IDVA.
I'm sorry you are going through this. Please do not continue your relationship with this man. It won't get better. He sounds emotionally abusive to your toddler as well.
Keep yourself and your child safe, lean on people you can trust.

I have text him so it’s in writing saying:

I’m so sad being in a relationship I don’t want to be in it anymore. Even during the miscarriage you’ve not been the most supportive giving me a hug then saying “I’m sure we’ll have sex again soon” is so inconsiderate and insensitive whilst my body is losing a child, whilst I’m struggling psychologically. Then you putting your hand on my boobs trying to get tongue kisses again so insensitive and horrible, saying to our child this is because of him? Again, insensitive and horrible. I paid almost £100 to bring the sofa in and me and my son are still sleeping on the mattress on the floor whilst to sleep on the sofa, we wake up bearing in mind I’m going through a miscarriage and everything hurts and we still sit on the floor. When you’re at work you’ll show care but when you are at home you will not. You didn’t even give me the bear minimum support I still was tidying, bending, picking stuff, looking after our boy and whatnot. It’s not “how are you feeling about this? Can I do anything to support you” it’s “give me more tongue” “I just needed somewhere to put my hand” “we’ll have sex soon” are these things to say when my body is losing a baby whether I wanted to be pregnant or not these comments stick. Doesn’t matter what else you do this is the worst way to be in such a vulnerable time for me. These aren’t jokes and I’m not an insecure little girl that I’m going to allow you to give me such poor support and be okay with it. I really do want you to just leave on the 7th of May please.

Just so you guys have some reference we moved into a new place sofa was in storage and he wouldn’t build the bed out of laziness and I have sciatica so can’t. I paid removals £100 to bring the sofa from storage since he has been telling me will arrange it for weeks. So I got it delivered and me and my son wake up and still sit on the cushions on the floor because he sleeps on the sofa and doesn’t budge.

You do know none of this is normal, OP? Did you grow up in a family with domestic abuse or dysfunction?

Please speak to Women's Aid.

This is revolting. I am so glad you are getting him to leave OP. Start a new life without him with your lovely child, family, friends and colleagues.

My heart aches for you, and the terrible situation you are in. Your husband is not the man for you, and I hope you can find the strength to remove him from your life.

Having read your posts, I have a different suggestion.

Get the locks changed while he is out, he has no right to be there.
Tell the police about the comments he made re murdering you in the bin shed.
Get the code on the building changed due to domestic violence fears.

speak to women’s aid.

If you really want to, you can refund him some rent money.

So he raped you ( never mind every other disgusting thing ) and you’re questioning overthinking? @Tweetiexo I hope you’re ok but you deserve much more.

OP, every update he just sounds viler and viler 🤮

Is he older than you?

Would you be able to change the locks to keep him out?

My heart goes out to you and son, what a horrible situation for you both. So glad you’re working towards ridding yourselves of such walking (slobbing about) garbage!

Blimey. I have never said leave the bastard but please do. All of his behaviour is awful but what he said to your toddler is utterly unforgivable.

His a year and a bit younger than me. There are 4 keys to our place so he won’t be able to get in as I don’t believe he would’ve made copies as I only had the locks changed last month due to losing keys.

He has replied saying he was just trying to make the situation light hearted and show me intimacy and he was trying to build our relationship back up. There is something seriously wrong with this guy but his said ok to leaving over text but he always does as he doesn’t like to put in writing how he really is feeling and only comes home and confronts me and says otherwise so I won’t know what he really is feeling until he is home later

Evil bastard, kick him out, respect yourself and your child

He thinks he can make you miscarrying your DC "light hearted"? He is an absolute shit show, don't ask him to leave, TELL him, it's not up for discussion, he leaves. If he refuses to go then you call the police and get them to make him go. He has no respect for you, he rapes you, he's lazy and selfish, he's a crap Father and Partner. I wish you lived near me, I'd be happy to come and chuck him out for you

Op I'm seriously worried for you given his history of threats and behaviour.
Is there anyone you can tell you have said for him to leave and he will be coming home later that can check on you later this evening/in the morning?

Oh my god leave this evil man. Saying that to your dc also LEAVEEE please please leave and get safe.

Op I am so so sorry.

Please ring the police.

OP, can a family member stay with you? If possible, I would have a couple of friends/family stay with me and while your soon-to-be-ex was out, I would have the locks changed, pack his stuff and have it waiting by the door, then tell him you want him to leave immediately.

OH. MY. GOD!

Ditch this loser (and definitely DON'T have another baby with him) - he's totally vile.