Miscarrying our baby.. Am I overthinking his behaviour?

[Tweetiexo]

Hi guys,

So we have a almost 2 year old and I was pregnant and began to miscarry Monday morning I was super upset and my partner hugged me etc and then after an hour or so he said “don’t worry we’ll have sex again soon I’m sure” I brushed this off. Later he didn’t say much, didn’t really help me much I continued my day as normal having to take care of our toddler and do what I need to around the house (I also continued to work I work from home) because I can’t afford time off as he works part time so my finances cover everything and he pays half the rent. The next day he kept kissing me, trying to shove his tongue in my mouth, touched my boob, touching my bum I felt so uncomfortable and I told him like his so insensitive and he just kinda joked it off. He hasn’t asked me how I’m feeling about it, if there is anything he can do to support or anything. Instead last night he said “are you sure it’s not just a period” he saw me take the test, he knew I missed my period and he also saw what was coming out of me on Monday as I was miscarrying. I feel so invalidated.

I’m not sure if I’m overthinking it?

@Tweetiexo l say this very very kindly.

Why are you choosing to protect him and not your child?

By keeping silence over his threats/behaviour you are putting yourself in a very vulnerable position.

Call the police, tell your HV/GP and ring women’s aid.

He has committed a crime and has threatened to commit one if you break up.

Change the locks again and bag up his things and leave them outside.

This just gets worse.
He's a rapist who mentally abuses your son by telling him that he has caused the loss of your baby . He is insensitive, uncaring , selfish , lazy and a vile sex pest
Thank goodness you’ve found the strength to get rid of him but don’t wait until 7th, tell him to go now . I’m sure you’ll be much happier without him

With kindness, you are accepting lower than low treatment of you and your child. I’m not sure what your past relationships have been like, and I wonder if you have had other abusive relationships in the past, have childhood trauma and low self esteem, but you’re in a horrific domestic abuse relationship and are also experiencing sexual abuse. I know you don’t want to involve the police but I think you really need to reconsider that. You also need to google domestic abuse charity and the name of your county to find local support, ask your local children‘s centre to put you on the freedom programme and contact iapt for self esteem work. You and your child deserve better. I’m glad you’ve got support at work.

Rarely does a thread leave me so shocked and horrified. OP, I hope you get that evil, disgusting man out of your home. I’m so sorry about your miscarriage.

Get rid of him please, but talk to a lawyer first to protect yourself in terms of who your toddler lives with.
I'm so sorry you're losing your pregnancy. Xx

Agree

I’m glad this is the first comment. I’m right there with you!

I’m not sure I’ve ever said this on here. But LTB.

So you were asleep? So you didn't consent?

So you know what that's called, yes?

What options do you have to get away from him?

Hes an abusive rapist cunt of a man.

Press delete on him.

I hope you have some real life support OP x

My previous relationship was quite abusive however I have been raped in the past when I was 18 and i was still a virgin. I was sexually assaulted at 15. And I grew up in a house where my mum was abused for 20+ years from my step dad until she finally left. However I don’t want to use that as an excuse but I think it did lead to me having such low standards in men and putting up with more than what is considered not normal just because it wasn’t as bad as what I experienced. Never in my life have I been at the point I am now where I see how much I am work and see myself as so valuable. I understand I have a lot to offer and I just need to focus on me and rebuild myself and all my past traumas which is why I am done with his shit. He obviously is replying to my text messages very calmly saying he just wants me to be happy and he will leave but also manipulating the situation by saying I am trying to make him homeless with 6 days notice and stuff (he likes to play victim in text messages so I look like a neurotic) and when he comes home his a different person. He finishes work in 20 minutes not entirely sure what to expect but I have told my friends and my manager and have my managers boyfriends number too incase she is asleep and we have a safe word in place if I text it they call the police and my dad who can get to me quickly. Just not sure what to expect if I don’t reply tonight I will tomorrow guys I really appreciate all the help and support.

I have previously contacted women’s aid but they turned me down and said there wasn’t anything they could do for me and wished me all the best.

Wtf!!! Please leave him, what a waste of space.

Research tells us that when you’re around domestic abuse as a child you’re more likely
to tolerate it in your own relationships as an adult. Research also tells us that domestic abuse and sexual abuse ruins your self esteem and you’re more likely to have domestically abusive relationships in the future. You sound like you’ve already got some insight in to how past experiences might have impacted you, and you understand you’re worthy and deserve better. You have to keep pushing through now to get rid of him, while also being aware that the risk might increase. In terms of women’s aid I think you can find better support locally, as their thresholds are lower and they can do face to face.

@Tweetiexo don’t let him in, change the locks, if need be refund him a week’s rent (his share). Just be safe.

Please don't have another child with this sorry excuse for a man. You need to get your child away from him if he's saying such awful and inappropriate things to a young child. You need to tell him to leave. Seriously, don't spend one more day with him.

It isn't often this happens but I feel physically sick reading your posts.

This is not a decent man, by any measure. He's lazy, happy to watch you work much harder than him (while pregnant / ill / miscarrying too), entitled, threatens you, rapes you, paws at you and talks about having sex while you're having a miscarriage, he manipulates and lies.

He acts the exact opposite of someone who loves you. He clearly doesn't love you. You deserve so much better than this sorry, abusive excuse.

I'm so pleased you've seen that and are leaving him. Stay strong. You will be so much better on the other side. Take care.

Hope you are ok today.

How are you today, OP? God, this is the worst thread I've ever read and I've read a fair few! Please let us know that you are safe! 💐

Hi all,

I’m doing okay, I appreciate you all checking up on me. He came home from work yesterday and remained quite calm and didn’t fight back to me asking him to leave he didn’t ask to stay and just played the whole “I love you and want you to be happy so if you want me to leave, I’ll leave”
However today whilst I was working he began trying to get me to change my mind into letting him stay until 7th June saying he will give half the rent which will help me and it’ll help him find a place as he will have longer but I stood firm and told him no. He tried to tell me how he has been isnt through malicious intent and he just is stupid and says things without thinking and whatever else and loves me etc but I’ve told him I would still like him gone by the 7th as I can’t be around him.

Something strange happen earlier I checked my emails and had a airbnb message about someone enquiring for a room I went on to the app checked the query and it was for a single room/houseshare for the 7th and I checked my logins and it looks like he logged into my airbnb this afternoon and messaged someone about the room but I have no idea how he accessed my airbnb and why because it’s not like he has my password? And his not even mentioned this?

That’s very worrying. He could be monitoring your accounts.
Try changing passwords for everything important.

And check for a key logger and other dodginess.

Oh Jesus Christ alive.
No way, I had a miscarriage Oct 2022 and my husband was so so kind (as he should be!) for context, I did no childcare for 72hrs, he brought me regular pain relief, drinks, snacks, cuddled me (in a non sexual way) and let me wake him multiple times in the night if I needed to talk. He offered to take time off work so he didn't leave me on my own.
That's how it should be OP.
So no, you're definitely not overthinking it!!

@Tweetiexo secure all your accounts. This man is a liar. Never share access/passwords - I know you said you haven’t knowingly given him access but he is deceitful. Change your passwords. He may even have installed keyboard logging software if you have a laptop.

He is trying to manipulate you into letting him stay - you need to get him out NOW - refund a week’s rent if need be.

He is telling you what you want to hear to get what he wants but out of sight he is being manipulative and trying to access your accounts!

Others have said same but check your payment method on AirBNB and secure that too