Where is he?

[MugginsMcMugface]

i only saw H this morning before i left early (7am) for a day out with my DD. He had plans to go out to watch the football with one of his mates. So he will have had a lie in, mooched around and got picked up around 1230. Then he would have started drinking and watched the match. His friend was picked up at 7pm as ive heard from his DW. So hes drunk but in bed. Its now 10pm and ive no idea where H is! No text/phone call. Im going bed soon.

im annoyed that no household jobs were done before he left, he got the iron and board out and left them up. Left a mountain of washing up on the side and the overflowing bin! AIBU to think he had all morning to do SOMETHING!? Last weekend he was away one night with friends, next weekend hes away overnight. Im getting annoyed with all this

Has he tried to give you any explanation today or apologise?
I would be seriously thinking about asking him to leave or looking for somewhere for yourself and DD

No nothing. No explanation. Just business as usual. Im going to bring it up again tonight but ive completed a divorce application online and im hovering over the payment button. I feel sick but cannot go on like this

Press it and be free for you and your DD. You've got this

As scary as the thought of starting a divorce is, is it any scarier than the thought of being stuck in a marriage with a self-centred alcoholic for the rest of your life?

Don’t be scared to go it alone
you’re doing all the work anyway plus looking after him on top

You’re doing the right thing op, what does he actually bring to yours and your dds life but stress and disrespect?

Imagine living in peace away from his alcoholic toxicity - sounds like you’ll be better off financially too.

and this: He cant see my pov!

He can but he’ll never admit it and just continue to gaslight you and deflect. I bet if you started going out drinking every weekend, staying out til all hours and doing nothing regarding housework and childcare he’d soon see your POV.
No, it serves him well to pretend he doesn’t understand the problem, then he can twist it around and make you feel like a nagging harridan whilst he happily goes about his business doing whatever the hell he likes and living as a single man.

Is this the relationship model you want to show to your dd? That it’s acceptable to be given not even the bare minimum from a husband and father but accept any crumbs he throws your way? There are decent men out there who don’t act like this. My dh rarely goes out drinking and wouldn’t dream of staying out all night without a word. It isn’t normal or acceptable behaviour - don’t let him gaslight and convince you into thinking you are the problem. Want better for yourself and your dd.

He’s an alcoholic waster and I wouldn’t be at all surprised if there’s an OW in the background too - would explain all those late nights and bumping into random “friends from the past” - convenient that you wouldn’t be able to check up on this.
And don’t be so certain his “lovely” friend wouldn’t cover for him. I know plenty of decent seeming men who cover for their friends infidelities.

But at this point who cares? Just get rid of him💐

Normally i vacillate when I read marital issues. While the majority of posts can be supportive i do find there's a tendency to 'LTB' and I often think yeh that's easy to type but this is a real life person with a marriage and children.

In your case though, I have no hesitation in saying run as fast as you can from this man, we aren't here long on this earth and should be happy and content. Its going to get worse, the drinking, he's hiding it already.....in 20 years time do you want to be looking back and thinking of all the wasted time?

Press that button, sort your benefits/finances out and get the fuck away from him, you and your daughter will have peace of mind.

Press it op!!

Please.

For your daughter as well as yourself

I lived with a waster like this for 16 years. I’m so mad at my old self now that I did that thinking he would change after the rows we had every time he did it. I even begged him to stay when he said he was leaving …. What a dick was I.
He spent my money, stole from me, shagged behind my back and I still thought he’d change until that one night like you’ve just had when I just decided enough was enough …. He was completely floored that I ended it and I’ve never looked back.
You sound like you’re done.
Hit that button, get your shit together while he’s drunk and start a wonderful new life for you and your daughter 💐 it’ll be amazing I promise xxx

PRESS IT!

Ive pressed the button. I feel like a weight has lifted 🙌

Congratulations Muggins, but be prepared for the begging, pleading, cajoling to be off the charts. Then be prepared for the vitriol and anger. Girdle your loins, batten down the hatches, one foot in front of the other until you are at least in different houses. Remember this feeling, hold it tight. Good luck!

good for you.
first day of the rest your life

Congratulations - kicking out my waster of an exH was the best thing I ever did. I had no less to do but at least I wasn't angry the whole time about all the shit he wsn't doing and the messes he kept making for me to clear up. Best decision ever!

Well done for taking the steps needed - really doesn't sound like you could have carried on as you were.

All the best for the future, the next few months will be tricky and I hope he doesn't put up too much of a fight around leaving the house etc.

Yay! Is it weird that I just punched the air. Well done op. You and your daughter will be happier, of that I am absolutely certain.

What's your plan now. Are you not going to say anything till the papers land on the doormat?

It's funny isn't it. Same chore, different frame of mind.
The dishes. I went from 'ffs, my turn again is it' muttering, to singing with my tunes on whilst doing them.

100%

This is how I felt.

Well done op!

Good for you OP! Don't backtrack when he will very likely begin pleading and promising to change. They never do. If you get sucked back in it might seem like he's implementing change for the first few weeks but then it slips and it's back to business as usual. Trust me, I know. Don't waste any more precious time.

Just be strong for you and your dd, carve out a new life for yourselves and don't look back. You can do it.

Also...I'd be very cautious about leaving your DD alone with her dad. He honestly doesn't sound capable of providing proper care if he's always in a drunken stupor/laying around in bed/watching t.v. I'd take her with me or have someone else watch her if you have to go out....and if he actually wants access to his child once you separate I'd be very serious about looking into him having only supervised visitation going forward. He is absolutely an alcoholic and has zero control and he is completely negligent as a partner and a parent. You will be well rid of him. Keep going!

OMG I’m so in awe of you OP. You are 100% doing the right thing. It’ll get harder before it gets better but it WILL be SOOO much better now you’re on the way to getting rid of that dead weight 💪🏻 stay strong
Bottle this feeling 🙌🏻

Hi op
I'm sorry your going through this it sounds horrendous.
Your doing the right thing your doing everything anyway!! He is doing nothing.

When is your tenancy due to renew?

How's things today OP? Does he know what's happening?

That response gave me the rage! Now you are filing for divorce he can have 'a good time' every night off the week. The useless prick.

Yes, theres lots of sighing, sad face, saying we dont have too, can try again etc

Well done op, stay strong and don't waver! You will be better off without him.