Where is he?

[MugginsMcMugface]

i only saw H this morning before i left early (7am) for a day out with my DD. He had plans to go out to watch the football with one of his mates. So he will have had a lie in, mooched around and got picked up around 1230. Then he would have started drinking and watched the match. His friend was picked up at 7pm as ive heard from his DW. So hes drunk but in bed. Its now 10pm and ive no idea where H is! No text/phone call. Im going bed soon.

im annoyed that no household jobs were done before he left, he got the iron and board out and left them up. Left a mountain of washing up on the side and the overflowing bin! AIBU to think he had all morning to do SOMETHING!? Last weekend he was away one night with friends, next weekend hes away overnight. Im getting annoyed with all this

He's a selfish oaf and I imagine with all the drinking and sitting in front of the tv he is also a lard arse.

As time progresses he will drink more and you'll end up as a career for a useless blob of a man.

You and your daughter are worth much more than being with this horrible dollop.

It's pointless stressing yourself trying to make him see your pov op. Because he can't care less. He has no desire whatsoever to see your pov.

What's in it for him? Atm, he can do whatever he likes and he gets his cleaner and can see his children and sex if he wants it. Why would he change that.

He is a complete bellend op. just ignore him and divorce him.

Don't let him upset you through getting frustrated by him pretending you're in the wrong. Just divorce him.

"an adult who can go out and do what he likes"

Says it all, especially that he doesn't want to be an adult. He's one of those that thought getting married actually just means getting a maid. No wonder you're done with him. Just to clarify also - he has a serious alcohol problem. .

Its just not right is it? Men, fathers, 43 year old do not act like this. I know ill be better off on my own. He brings nothing into our lifes. DD is 6 btw. Hes going to have a bit of a wake up call.

It is not right at all OP.
You will be much much better off without him. He has a serious alcohol problem. He shows you no respect or care. He is making your life difficult and miserable.
You must think of what's best for yourself and your little girl.

Yeah you don't want your daughter growing up in a household where the male role model drinks and is a shit to his wife and she just stays and tolerates it and does everything in the home like it's the 1950s.

Not to mention, his drinking will get worse and worse. Soon he'll start falling asleep in the floor and pissing himself and no kid should see that.

Definitely start taking steps to get out.

God he sounds like a right peach. You know what you need to do you just need to find the courage to do it.

You’ll get CSA

The trouble with men like this is they don’t think we can do it alone….. when we already are!

Please leave him. Your daughter is learning how to expect to be treated by men from this situation. You both deserve so much more

I wouldn’t be wasting any more time with him in your life - get your plans sorted and give him the heave-ho. So selfish.

You only get one life OP, don't waste it with this loser. He will never change, it'll only ever get worse. You and your DD deserve so much better.

Hes an adult who can go out and do what he likes.
He's a father who has caring responsibilities for a six year old. He cannot come and go as he pleases unless he has arranged for someone to care for his child. It might be you, it be be his parents, or he might pay for a childminder. But until he makes sure she is cared for he cannot act like a single adult.

I won't mention the part where he is supposed to be in a team with his partner. That ship sailed a long time ago, probably around the time OP got pregnant.

If he's hiding alcohol in his wardrobe then he's an alcoholic. Start planning your escape before it gets worse because it really, really won't get any better than this.

He went bed around 730pm. Didnt say night just got all tucked up. Meanwhile im washing up, preparing lunchboxes, sorting washing out and bedtime 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️ hes a joke

Then do something about it.

No point just coming on here regaling everyone here with the latest shit thing he's done.

Right, you need to punch your salary etc into

www.entitledto.co.uk

This was me 13 years ago, stuck with my waste man husband scared to death that this was my life now..... but then one of the mums told me about Tax credits, housing and council tax benefits..... then my life changed forever... so did his x

He's so unworthy of you and your baby.... put on those big girl pants and sort this...

I kept the house..... needed to get his name off the tenancy which was a ballache but we got there xx

Good Luck xx

@MugginsMcMugface hes a joke

Yep, he is and you'll be so much better if you get rid of him

Don't put yourself (and your DD) through this any more. Start researching what benefits you can claim / what your housing rights are and when you're ready, then get rid of him and start living your life the way you want to live it.

Change is always scary - but this will be worth it!

He contributes nothing. Time to leave

If you don't leave then more fool you I'm afraid

Ive just done a calculation and wow im shocked. Its more than he gives me! Thank you for that

Now you've done that you need to start looking critically at your relationship.

You are better off financially.
He doesn't look (or consider) his child.
He doesn't clean the house.

So what does he do that adds to your living arrangements (as a housemate). The look at what he adds to the emotional side of your relationship. I bet the answers are zero, zero and zero.

Edit - what's your housing situation like? Can you easily leave or kick him out?

@MugginsMcMugface

Today, I would consider contacting someone at Womens Aid.... you have been in this situation for a long time and will need support. They may be able to allocate you a key worker who can help you with your benefit claim, financial/emotional/housing advice.

Leaving will be hard emotionally. It may be the right thing to do but it takes great strength and resilience..... the adjustment is tough.... but when you're through that bit.... you will feel so empowered. You'll feel amazing xx

Good Luck x

Hi OP,

I'm sorry this is the situation you've found yourself in but I don't think you will have any major problems getting out of it and a much much nicer life is waiting for you and your DD.

It's sad for him because unless he does serious work his life is not going to improve, quite the opposite. Fool of a man but not your problem.

You've had good advice here and you have your head switched on clearly. I wish you all the best with your next steps. Keep posting for support, we are all behind you.

'Ive just done a calculation and wow im shocked. Its more than he gives me! Thank you for that'

This is fabulous news. I'm so pleased you found this out op. So many women stay with shit men because they don't realise they'll be ok.

Good luck op.

He should also pay maintenance, if you know his salary you can get a calculation here:

https://www.gov.uk/calculate-child-maintenance

£400 a month 😮