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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Where is he?

123 replies

MugginsMcMugface · 27/04/2024 22:05

i only saw H this morning before i left early (7am) for a day out with my DD. He had plans to go out to watch the football with one of his mates. So he will have had a lie in, mooched around and got picked up around 1230. Then he would have started drinking and watched the match. His friend was picked up at 7pm as ive heard from his DW. So hes drunk but in bed. Its now 10pm and ive no idea where H is! No text/phone call. Im going bed soon.

im annoyed that no household jobs were done before he left, he got the iron and board out and left them up. Left a mountain of washing up on the side and the overflowing bin! AIBU to think he had all morning to do SOMETHING!? Last weekend he was away one night with friends, next weekend hes away overnight. Im getting annoyed with all this

OP posts:
Original poster
MugginsMcMugface · 28/04/2024 01:40

Im so angry, i relented and text him asking where he was. Worried about him despite him being a dick. Visions of him being beaten up/mugged unable to get home. Here i am struggling to sleep at 130am and hes finally text back 40 mins later with “im having a good time!!” 😡😡😡

OP posts:
PoopingAllTheWay · 28/04/2024 01:45

You need to leave!
Out over night last weekend
and next weekend and this weekend doing this. And you have a child together? Nope!

Leave

Who’s house is it? Any financial ties?

Original poster
MugginsMcMugface · 28/04/2024 01:58

Its rented. Both our names unfortunately. Ill have to move out as i doubt he will. Hes not a family man is he

OP posts:
BabyRaindeer · 28/04/2024 08:42

Throw him back into the sea. Not worth keeping, so start withdrawing doing stuff for him. It would give me the ick

FairyGhost · 28/04/2024 09:00

MugginsMcMugface · 28/04/2024 01:40

Im so angry, i relented and text him asking where he was. Worried about him despite him being a dick. Visions of him being beaten up/mugged unable to get home. Here i am struggling to sleep at 130am and hes finally text back 40 mins later with “im having a good time!!” 😡😡😡

You can't ruin your and your DD's life staying with him
You can do so much better ❤️

LightSpeeds · 28/04/2024 09:11

MugginsMcMugface · 27/04/2024 22:43

doubt it, he will have a lie in, sit watching tv in bed, then nip shop (for beer) and sit drinking rest of the day watching sport - probably the football from today that he can’t remember watching because he was too drunk 🙄 then he will go sleep early because hes still tired…

Just wow!

Is this the life you and your daughter want and deserve?

Original poster
MugginsMcMugface · 28/04/2024 09:39

Thank for the support last night. He rang me at 2am and asked me what i was up to?! Wtf erm trying to sleep 🤦🏻‍♀️ finally rolled in at 230am. Stunk of stale alcohol and food/whatever hes eaten - garlic. Snored all night. Im so tired now

OP posts:
TicTac80 · 28/04/2024 09:59

Ugh disgusting man! I hope you're ok and managed to get some sleep. Are you in a position to LTB?

Original poster
MugginsMcMugface · 28/04/2024 10:12

TicTac80 · 28/04/2024 09:59

Ugh disgusting man! I hope you're ok and managed to get some sleep. Are you in a position to LTB?

Not really but we cannot carry on like this! Money will be tight. We both work full time. Although i say that, i do all the parenting, running around to clubs etc. in a way he does live here like a single bloke coming and going as he pleases. Sits drinking and not doing household chores. I dont think ill miss him and will feel less resentful

OP posts:
Bookworm20 · 28/04/2024 10:15

It sounds like you've reached the absolute end of your tether with him. I can see why! I imagine you just look at him and think eurrgh.
As you do everything anyway, divorcing him isn't really going to change your life much from a practical point of view. But it might change it from an enjoyment point of view. So mioney may be a bit tight for a while, but your mental health will no doubt improve dramatically and you can't really put a price on that.
I'd be handing him a cup of tea with a side of divorce papers. And perhaps the odd laxative or two.

Iaskedyouthrice · 28/04/2024 10:24

Do not let your dd grow up with this as an example of a husband and father. Show her that women are worth more I beg you. What is she learning by watching you and her father?

willsandnoodle · 28/04/2024 10:30

If you rent, and work as a single parent you'll get help with rent from universal credits. Have a look on the benefits calculator.

Original poster
MugginsMcMugface · 28/04/2024 11:19

willsandnoodle · 28/04/2024 10:30

If you rent, and work as a single parent you'll get help with rent from universal credits. Have a look on the benefits calculator.

Oh that’s interesting. Ill have to look into that

OP posts:
Sunshineclouds11 · 28/04/2024 12:36

I've recently split from ex, two kids, work (on ML atm) and get help from UC.
It's made a massive difference and took some stress away

grapeomelette · 28/04/2024 12:42

Dear God. He sounds ghastly. What are his redeeming features?

TraitorsGate · 28/04/2024 12:53

I'd be encouraging him to go out as often as he can, give yourself some peace and quiet in the house, don't do his washing, ironing, cooking, cleaning up his mess then look into uc and befits, find somewhere else to rent and see your life improve. He sounds a real drain which you just don't need.

Needanewnamebeingwatched · 28/04/2024 13:00

Has he said where he was?

Get that divorce application filled in today

Stop doing anything for him, as if he wasn't there

Rocknrolla21 · 28/04/2024 13:04

Sounds like he was doing coke if he was drinking with his friend and the friend was paralytic and in bed early evening. And he was texting you all bright eyed and bushy tailed still going the next day

AutumnFroglets · 28/04/2024 13:09

I'm guessing he's drinking most of his wages away so what does he financially give to the relationship?

Once you have checked your benefit entitlement AND cms, would both cover his contribution?

Pinkbonbon · 28/04/2024 13:12

Thank the thing with alcoholics, they drink all their wages away. Hell, they'll drink your wages away too,given half a chance. Just watch, the 'can I borrow a twentie's will start at some point. Then you know.

johntorodesfatcheeks · 28/04/2024 13:13

A prince amongst men isn’t he.
its good that you don’t have a house to sell and all that shit. Doesn’t sound as if he is remotely fit/ capable / interested in having some time caring for your daughter. How old is she?
absolutely not a situation to carry on living in. You are absolutely doing the right and only thing in leaving him

widgitfidgit · 28/04/2024 13:22

Take the bull by the horns. Sit him down today (hungover or not) and tell him it's over. He has a month to find somewhere to live (or you are moving out whichever you want).

You will feel so much better x

Original poster
MugginsMcMugface · 28/04/2024 13:57

Im just out food shopping atm. I left him with DD and him lazing in bed. Im going to ask him where he was when i get in but yeah, my minds made up. Like someone up thread said, at 43 hes not going to change and I’ve accepted this is who he is. So he can take who he is elsewhere as i dont want it any longer

OP posts:
kayla12345 · 28/04/2024 14:44

If you check on entitled to it will tell you what benefits you're entitled to. You'll probably be surprised.
I'd be going to stay with friends or family until you find somewhere if he won't move out

Original poster
MugginsMcMugface · 28/04/2024 15:46

ive just had a rather nasty angry conversation with him (him not me, i was calm). He said he got a taxi back from City to our town and went into a pub there and bumped into old friends of his Hes not seen for years. Angry that i asked him where he was and he feels like im checking up on him! Hes an adult who can go out and do what he likes. Im in the wrong for checking up on him, nagging and acting like his mum 😡 sorry for caring! I said, you went out to watch a match, i didnt realise it was going to end up in a massive drinking session! He cant see my pov!

when i got back from shopping he was sat drinking watching tv at 2pm in the afternoon. That will be him now until 10pm! Predictable and Ive just found a stash of beers in a bag he must have strategically placed in a wardrobe ready to carry on drinking later today. Angry arsehole 😞

OP posts:
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