Heartbroken. I left the love of my life.

[yewtreetheboneless]

Yesterday I left my husband of 5 years. He was a family friend and I knew him my entire life, he was the love of my life. After our first child was born we slowly started to drift apart. More and more arguing, less and less affection. Not on my part mind you, I always made sure we kissed and hugged every day and wouldn't go to sleep unless I said "i love you" our daughter is 3 and has recently been diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. This has been extremely difficult on both of us, we also have a 4 month old ds. We were on a small break away for the weekend and upon arriving at our hotel we got into an argument about sleeping arrangements with the dc. He proceeded to punch he very hard in the shoulder when my back was turned. I obviously packed our things and left. I'm back home with the dc and husband is still at the hotel. I cannot tolerate abusers and in all our lives I never imagined he would do such a thing. I know my marriage now can't be repaired and im absolutely devastated. I don't have any family or friends who live near me and do go out much. I feel so horribly alone and heartbroken.

I am so sorry you are going through this. It must be clear, after your update, that he has a vile temper. I hope you have told someone you trust so you get support over and above the police. Hug your DC tight and focus on the three of you.

He punched her when her back was turned. So not only was she likely smaller, she would not have seen it coming. Do you really think someone who does that deserves another chance? The safety of the poster is the first priority.

@yewtreetheboneless I am proud of you for having the strength to call the police. It is a shitshow right now isn't it??? But I am telling you that you can come out of that shitshow with your head held high. It will be tough..alot of second guessing yourself.. but when you do start to second guess, I want you to take ONE minute JUST one. and zone out of everything else...and say.. what do I DESERVE.. WHAT DOES MY CHILD DESERVE. I know that you know the answer. Strength and love///Lynn

Oh wow op x

So he is not sorry or even pretending to be sorry for hitting you then. Clarifies that you did the right thing in leaving him permanently.

I’m so sorry he has done this to you, OP.

You've taken all the right steps, so I’m wishing you the strength to see this through 💐

Well actually you are trying to justify it! And quite honestly absolutely nothing your dh does can justify you "losing it". You are as bad as the op's husband and should be ashamed of yourself!

You did great by calling the police and forcing him to leave. Someone who commits DV usually does it again. Do not take him back ever. I would report the first assault with the police, so you start leaving a record of his behaviour.

Also, since you said he is a family friend, I would start telling your most trusted family member so they have your back and don't take him in.

Don't look back, you're looking after your kids.

Two seperate threads yesterday where some posters encouraged an OP to stay with, chat calmly with, go to counselling with their abuser. It's becoming more and more common on this website and it's awful. Thank God, both OP's knew it was wrong and that a line had been crossed.

I hope you are ok this morning @yewtreetheboneless and managed to get some sleep.

Afterwards though I obviously felt terrible, we’re not an argumentative couple and neither of us has a violent bone in our bodies but I made a mistake, couldn’t control myself. The anger was all consuming.

You can't describe a situation where you were very violent and then say you don't have a violent bone in your body. You were trying to hurt him. Who is to say you won't do that again next time he pushes your buttons?

I'm proud of you OP for leaving him and then when he showed his true colours again, having him removed by the police.

there is light at the end of tunnel, right now you focus on yourself and them two babies of yours.

do not give him a second chance. I hope you managed some sleep. If you can, confide in family and friends to get some support behind you. X

I would report this to the police straight away and photograph and bruising from the punch.

dont allow this situation to be hidden. Tell your family and his what has happened make it out in the open. He cannot then pressure you into silence.

do you both own your home or do you rent? How will you stay separate when the hotel stay runs out? Id reccomend telling the police and then informing social services of the incident and that you are trying to protect your children. They will then all be supporters if he tries to downplay this later on.

he hit you and your children were there. You have rightly stated you can never go back. I’m so sorry op and send you strength

💐💐💐💐

As someone once in this situation. I can promise you he isn't the love of your life! I felt the same when I left my ex, thought everything you are feeling, took me years to get over him.
Then I met my now husband.
I was terrified and didn't want to ever fall for anyone again.
He has never once raised his voice at me.
He has never lost of temper around me.
He protects me from anything he can and makes me feel safe and loved. He is the love of my life. And you will move on and realise how much someone can love you in the right way in which you deserve to be loved.

I didnt see this before I posted earlier! I am so proud of you! I know how hard it is at this stage and moving forward. Even on the days you think you can't do this, keep your head held high! Have a cry then look in the mirror and tell yourself YOU HAVE GOT THIS! You and your children deserve to be happy.

Well done for having the courage to end this. It’s common for domestic abuse to appear or begin during pregnancy or after the birth of a child. It’s also likely that with time it would have escalated, and judging by his actions I imagine it would have escalated very quickly. Have you got any friends or family you can reach out to today? I’d also recommend googling domestic abuse charity and your county to find local face to face support. Finally if you go to the children’s centre tomorrow you’ll find a support network and they can sign you up for the freedom programme to learn all about abuse.

He made a choice to punch you OP, then he made another choice to damage your home and your things.

You did the right thing calling the police. Stay strong, don’t look back.

You're doing the right thing.

He punched her hard. Please stop suggesting she gives him another chance under whatever conditions. And that is what you suggested so don't claim otherwise. Perhaps if they'd grown apart or some inconsiderate things had been said you may have a point but there is physical abuse so no, you do not have a point in this instance. Please drop it.

Well done for involving the police. It can't have been easy but was absolutely the right thing. Sending strength.

@yewtreetheboneless I am so sorry you are going through this. You are doing absolutely the right thing and I know it's shit and it's hard but I promise it's the right thing.

I agree with pp that this man isn't the love of your life. I disagree with pp that your love of your life is still out there. The love of your life is already here, it's YOU. YOU are the love of your life, so treat yourself accordingly.

Be kind to yourself, love yourself and cheer yourself on. It's cheesy, but you can do this, you really really can.

@WalkingaroundJardine made the point I came on for: the shitty cherry on top of the turd of a cake is that he punched from behind. No chance of dodging the blow or bracing for it, with the extra shock of being hit thrown in.

Anyway, OP, whether this was the culmination of a litany of smaller abuses, or he dialled it straight up to 11, I have to admire your command of the situation: to leave as soon as he assaulted you and then to call the police to have him removed when he came home for a second go at you, shows great strength of character. He has shown none.

Good luck, OP.

Well done you for calling them - that takes strength, your babies are lucky to have you, I hope you managed to get a few hours sleep x

100% have done the right thing. As I've previously posted, I'm all for people (even those with a single, isolated episode of violence) having the ability to change, should it done by using professionals AND with the right mindset to put the work in. But this man shows no such abilities or any willingness. You are absolutely right in these circumstances.

You need to contact the police to insure yourself as this moved further along. You may need an occupation order and/or non molestation order and to be able to stay in the house without him. That’s aside from the fact he’s assaulted you, which is illegal. I’m pointing out the non mol etc because if you don’t want to report him to get him in trouble, you may need to report him to get him out of the house. He’s a fucking pig and not the love of your life, I’m sorry.