Can someone please explain this..

[namechangedforconfusion]

I've had to name change for this one.

I've been seeing a guy and so far going really well. He's a bit older, both have kids of our own, so feels like it's leading into a healthy mature relationship.

I've already stayed over at his a couple of times and we've dtd.

We've had the conversation about what we're into in the bedroom, and he's mentioned he enjoys being dominant and rough. This was fine with me (tbh don't think I fully understood what he meant).

We're planning on meeting this weekend, and he's asked me what toys I have so I could bring them. I must be extremely vanilla because he's mentioned he has 'a sex bench, ankle spreaders, restraints, butt plugs and few other things.'

This is NOT me. Sorry, not into it at all. I can get on board with the Dom thing and rough sex, but this is a bit too much. I feel judgy, but I think I've clearly left him with the impression I was a lot more adventurous than I clearly am and clearly misunderstood what he meant. I prob should have asked for more info first time he mentioned it.

Whyyyyy are men into this? I genuinely wanna know.
Where does the enjoyment come from?

I agree.

Abusive men now don't even need to hide their behaviour, they have reframed it as 'kinky sex'. They can even get away with murder using this excuse.

https://wecantconsenttothis.uk/

I disagree.

I'm not wasting time having sex with someone repeatedly and not making my turn ons clear.

We're either on the same page or not. No point wasting each other's time.

The toys would be a no from me! You never know whose furry squirrel/anoose they've been used on for a start!
And considering he has all this stuff already established, he is never going to want "regular" sex, as he won't get off on it after a short time of doing it.
During my first serious sexual relationship, back in the late 80s, "watersports" were discussed. I wasn't keen really, but being young and exploratory, I did try it and when it came to it, I just couldn't do it... He didn't push the issue at all. But then a while later, he did develop a thing of making comments that women could not urinate and defecate at the same time. He was like a dog with a bone over it. I ditched him anyway and it was only years later, that the penny dropped and I realised he was probably trying to coerce me into proving his point wrong... Big fat nope from me! 🤢
OP, I'm so sorry that you thought you'd found the one, but there will be no future here, he will constantly be pushing your boundaries.
All I can see if you stay with him is misery ahead, but for you, not him. Makes me wonder how long he'd been chomping at the bit (so to speak!!!) and keen to get down to sharing his kink?! 💐

This