AIBU - husband is angry/annoyed with me

[GreenSippyCup77]

I honestly am not sure if I’m being unreasonable or not, my brain’s a bit frazzled today. Will try to keep this concise!

So we have a 3 year old DS who has just been prescribed some antibiotics for an infection. We struggled all morning to get DS to take the medicine as it tastes foul. I was getting worried so decided to call 111 while dh was upstairs using the bathroom just to see if they could give any advice or if we could be given a different antibiotic. Dh was annoyed that I’d called 111 without talking to him about it first. I do understand where he’s coming from on this one, I just took the opportunity while DS was happy playing and I guess I was a bit panicky and felt like I needed to do something!

Then this afternoon I went to my parents house and left dh at home, which is pretty much our normal routine on a Saturday unless we’ve made any other particular plans. I explained to my parents how worried/exasperated I was that we couldn’t get DS to take his antibiotics so they helped me pin DS down and basically force the medicine into him. It wasn’t fun, but it worked and I messaged dh to let him know we’d managed to get some medicine into DS. He seemed happy when he replied.

Fast forward to me getting home this evening. I was talking through how our afternoon had been and how it wasn’t easy but we’d managed to get 2 doses of antibiotics into DS. Dh then out of the blue starts getting really angry, saying why did I wait until I went to my parents to try and force the medicine into DS. He was basically making it about him and saying I must think he’s incompetent and that I don’t involve him in things. I really am
struggling to understand where he’s coming from on this one. It wasn’t a case of that I waited until I was at my parents, it was honestly the only way I could get the medicine into him and I thought dh would be pleased I’d succeeded! Maybe I’m wrong so I’m interested to see what everyone else thinks! AIBU?

Horrible way to get medicine into your child. On a par with throwing an infant into a swimming pool to teach them to swim.

You could have made a small jam sandwich and put the medicine in that.

Funny how people are up in arms about smacking but think it's ok to pin a child down!

Truly awful.

Why do you have to do everything through your husband? He seems rather controlling.

You have free agency as a parent and there is nothing wrong with seeking help from 111 and or your networks.

Personally though I would avoid forcing meds down a child’s throat as it can create a rod for your own back. 111 may have looked up the medication for example and advised to mix it into something your DC likes.

I have had to pin my ds to get medicine into him before. He doesn't eat jam, yoghurt, anything sauce- like or remotely wet that medicine could be hidden in.

It is important that children get their medicine when they have an infection otherwise they can go downhill quickly.

3yo is possibly slightly young but you could possibly try bribing him with small piece of chocolate or a sweet? Ultimately he needs to take it by any means necessary.

I can see why your husband is upset, it's a stressful time and he is maybe worried you don't trust his judgement? Try talking through things more.

Hopefully your ds feels better soon.

Thanks for your replies. I probably wasn’t clear that we’d tried lots of other avenues before pinning him down. We’d tried mixing in yoghurt, Nutella and juice. Tried bribing with some chocolate or a sweet afterwards. I honestly didn’t want to pin him down, but also he needs to have the antibiotics. 111 referred me to our local pharmacist who suggested the yoghurt and also did actually say hold his nose to force them into him if need be as he needs to take them. Just trying to do my best here, please be kind!

I think it's fine if you have tried everything else to force them down. Ovously you need to be careful doing it, but the last thing you need it a child poorly in hospital as you didn't manage to get them to take it.

We had to hold DS down at a similar age in order to get him to take his asthma medication. I mean what should we have done let him suffer with not being able to breathe properly 😕. It didn't take him long to get used to it.

I know you're both stressed but try and communicate a bit better with your DH, he probably feels frustrated that's all.

Bit of a tangent but we found we could get a dose in overnight as they were half asleep!

@DrJoanAllenby we tried hiding it in various different food/drink without success. It’s very bitter and he can taste it straight away. I’m genuinely interested if you have any other suggestions. I don’t get any joy from pinning him down. I’ve cried a lot today, so would gladly welcome any suggestions that would make it easier for both of us!

Pinning him down is fine, it's not fun and no one enjoys it but generally sometimes necessary. It doesn't take three people mind you, one should do just fine.

Maybe he's not feeling involved or valued in general and would benefit from a chat about what he's really mad about.

Don’t be ridiculous. Antibiotics are a necessary thing to take, attempting to disguise the foul taste in a jam sandwich doesn’t work. Get a grip.

I have been at my wits end trying to get both my children to take medicine at various times, I know the feeling of absolute despair when you have tried everything and they won't take it. If I was your husband I would have been overjoyed that you managed to get some into him.

Also please don't beat yourself up about forcing him to take the antibiotics, nobody does this unless they have exhausted all other avenues and it's the only option left.

Ignore Dr Joan - you did absolutely the right thing. I hope your dc is feeling better soon x

@RandomMess thanks for the advice! I did attempt to give him some in the car on the way to my parents as he fell asleep, but it woke him up! I guess a
nap isn’t such a deep sleep so I could try overnight instead!

Please don't go putting medication into food. It's unethical and could alter the composition of the medication.

Have you tried a calpol syringey thing?

@DrJoanAllenby I was once told, in all seriousness, by a professional swimming coach that if done young enough, throwing an infant into a swimming pool to teach them to swim will actually work.

They float naturally and will, with encouragement use their arms and legs to propel themselves.

🙄 getting necessary medicine into a child is in way similar to smacking them.

Was the time at your parents the first time you managed to get the antibiotics down successfully?

Or was it the correct time for the dose?

because in either case I am confused why he thinks you should have delayed that to appease his ego?

On the other hand I probably would have discussed the 111 call with him when he was home so I understand why he might feel put out about that as if you had just been waiting for him to nip to the loo to do it

It sounds like you are all stressed tbf and things might be coming across wrong

To get back on to the subject of the op, no you were NBU at all op. Your dh was being ridiculous. I would have thought at this point he would grateful that your ds had had some of the abs. I can’t understand exactly what he was complaining about tbh!

rough day op. If your dh is usually reasonable just shut him down with “I did what I had to- I’m not talking about it any more” or something. You don’t have to justify yourself.

I use the syringe to put small amounts in between the cheek and the teeth and that usually gets it down. It can be difficult though.

@GreenSippyCup77 needs must!

wrap him firmly in a towel. Bear hug & use a syringe in the side of his mouth. Don't bother trying anymore food, some AB's are too vile for that!

Your DH sounds controlling and it sounds like he's got you heading in the right direction. Hes pretty controlling & manipulative.

Having tried EVERYTHING to get meds into my DD (yoghurt, jam, Nutella, fruit pops, etc) I disagree with this. Sometimes you’ve got to be cruel to be kind. The meds get them better, you have to get them down however you can.

I have been told by doctors when I couldn't get my toddler to take antibiotics to hold them down. It isn't nice, you don't want to do it, but sometimes it's necessary.

If your DH isn't normally controlling or U, then... talk to him to understand what's up instead of playing Who Is More Right?

@dimllaishebiaith it was the first time I’d managed to get any down all day! That’s exactly why I’m confused too, I would have thought he’d be more annoyed had I come home not managing to get any medicine into him. I do think some others have hit the nail on the head though. I think he’s feeling frustrated and thinks I don’t trust or value his judgement. Probably stemming from the 111 call in the morning, which I fully understand was a mistake on my part and admitted that to him.

I've been here OP and it's horrible 😞 I felt awful to the point I cried because of how worked up he was getting and gagging. It was an orange AB and I asked the pharmacist if they could give me another flavour, they gave me strawberry and this worked so much better! Pretty much on day 2 he was smiling and opening his mouth for it 😂 could be worth asking for different flavour to try?

I have the same problem with parocetamol he won't have anything at all but the pink calpol 🫣