AIBU - husband is angry/annoyed with me

[GreenSippyCup77]

I honestly am not sure if I’m being unreasonable or not, my brain’s a bit frazzled today. Will try to keep this concise!

So we have a 3 year old DS who has just been prescribed some antibiotics for an infection. We struggled all morning to get DS to take the medicine as it tastes foul. I was getting worried so decided to call 111 while dh was upstairs using the bathroom just to see if they could give any advice or if we could be given a different antibiotic. Dh was annoyed that I’d called 111 without talking to him about it first. I do understand where he’s coming from on this one, I just took the opportunity while DS was happy playing and I guess I was a bit panicky and felt like I needed to do something!

Then this afternoon I went to my parents house and left dh at home, which is pretty much our normal routine on a Saturday unless we’ve made any other particular plans. I explained to my parents how worried/exasperated I was that we couldn’t get DS to take his antibiotics so they helped me pin DS down and basically force the medicine into him. It wasn’t fun, but it worked and I messaged dh to let him know we’d managed to get some medicine into DS. He seemed happy when he replied.

Fast forward to me getting home this evening. I was talking through how our afternoon had been and how it wasn’t easy but we’d managed to get 2 doses of antibiotics into DS. Dh then out of the blue starts getting really angry, saying why did I wait until I went to my parents to try and force the medicine into DS. He was basically making it about him and saying I must think he’s incompetent and that I don’t involve him in things. I really am
struggling to understand where he’s coming from on this one. It wasn’t a case of that I waited until I was at my parents, it was honestly the only way I could get the medicine into him and I thought dh would be pleased I’d succeeded! Maybe I’m wrong so I’m interested to see what everyone else thinks! AIBU?

We also had to use the syringe and I found that showing him the number 5 on the 5ml mark and saying 'ahhh let's see if you can make it go to 4, then 3 and so on til zero' followed by a big high 5 and a cuddle made it better

@MyBrownEyedHandsomeBoy yep I feel awful too! I’m planning to go back to the docs on Monday if things are still bad by then. Just gotta get through tomorrow!

I have been using a syringe, didn’t even bother with a spoon! But the counting technique is a good idea. Will give it a go tomorrow!

Tell him that of course you don't think he is incompetent, it is just that you were at your parents for those time points and thank him for volunteering to give the next dose.

Apparently my mum had the same problem with me. I was quite ill when I was a toddler and the doctor was coming every day. My mum confessed to the doctor that she couldn't get me to take the medication. He showed her 2 ways, 1 laying on the draining board with my head hanging slightly over the sink ( obviously fully supported) and the other tiping me upside down. Apparently I was so surprised I kind of swallowed it in surprise. Apparently it worked brilliantly

Ignore the pearl clutchers OP. What you did was absolutely fine.

DS was given antibiotics for scarlet fever at that age and they were a type that could not be taken with any food, and actually had to be taken in between meals. The liquid was absolutely foul.

So yes, we had to pin him down. Wasn't nice for him but better than getting sepsis.

Your little one won't remember it in a few weeks time.

No comment on your husband as he’s acting like a man baby.
Rubicon mango juice is very very sweet and could possibly counter that anti biotics. I used with my Dd when she was little. Sometimes we had to pin her down and it really wasn’t nice but necessary at the time.
however if you are really struggling you could ask for the yellow anti biotics that isn’t sugar free. I’ve had to do that in the past too. I don’t know why someone would suggest putting a liquid anti biotic in a jam sandwich! Obvs not a real doctor then!

Oh please don't be this way .... OP did what she had to do in order to get her child better ... when they're young you can't reason with them. Also some antibiotics have to be taken on empty stomach so not as easy as your jam and toast solution

This is a new one. Unethical is it now? Oral Medicine goes into your stomach which is full of half digested or freshly eaten food so if it’s not allowed with food any gp prescribing should say that very clearly!!

Why don’t you get your dh to give it a go tomorrow?? Surely he’s desperate to help. Say I thought about trying spoon/syringe.
do you want to try? Mind you if it’s hard and he gets grumpy you have full license to be pretty snippy- ‘yes it’s hard I’ve been at my wits end wuth this and youre only role so far has been to yell at me; ive asked to
help. stop getting grumpy, show me some support please and help like youve been begging to.

Tbh I would be annoyed by the 111 call too. But I suppose you were tired.

The rest. He needs the medication. Just go on. You are doing fine.

I can't be bothered reading this, other than to say - why didn't you just get a syringe. Readily avaible with many meds and from a pharmacy.

That's it, hold him down and force it in. He'll be like my cat that can detect spot on from a mile off.

No, I don't think you were unreasonable to call 111, and your husband's behaviour, making it about himself, is quite strange.

Also, pay no attention to the bollocks that people have posted about it being wrong to force the medication into your child's mouth or that you can't mix it with foods. As long as your child is not hurt, there is nothing wrong with it.

You're doing great.

I think he felt left out because you called 111 for advice when he wasn't present. You then went to your parent's home and forced DS to take medicine whilst there - again when your DH wasnt present. & he is your DS' parent too so no doubt he's also worried about his child. Cut him some slack for being irritated. Its done now and I dont think theres any point having a prolonged argument about it. He gives the next dose then end of story.

Spectacularly misses the point… what’s the weather like up there on the high ground?

Having tried all sorts the only thing that worked for us was mixing it with nesquick chocolate milk.

And yes I think your DH is BU, he would obviously have needed his medicine whilst you were out.

Your dh sounds unreasonable.

But I wonder if he is feeling like, when it comes to parenting to just go off and do your own thing. You don’t discuss things with him, you go to your parents and use a tactic you didn’t suggest at home.

He may just feel like you put him in a position of ‘not really a parent but just there’.

This could be because he is the type of man that isn’t a hands on parent so you are used to making decisions unilaterally and this has been caused by him. Or he could be a controlling knob.

But if he is a good man and is a hands on parent I would have think about whether you do push him out and treat him like he isn’t also an equal parent. You don’t have to share though thoughts. But something to think about.

Depends on how he is as a person.

I have been there OP, it’s awful. Is it possible he feels slightly traumatised by having to pin them down and is taking it out on you. My top tip for medicine is wrap them really tightly in a bath towel, flat on back, squirt medicine into back of cheek and blow sharply into face it triggers a swallowing reflex. Swift chocolate button. My friend who is a vet taught me that.

Big mouthful of chocolate buttons first so that it coats their mouth and tongue, ab s swiftly in, more choc ..

Your dh is been ridiculous at a stressful time. This isn't about him and you should be able to seek advice without him having a tantrum. If he's not normally like this I'd think he's stressed and frustrated by the situation and maybe have a chat about his reaction after ds has recovered. If this is typical it is not a pleasant character trait.

Agree, it's much better to allow your child to develop sepsis and need a hospital admission for IV antibiotics. 🙄

Zero words.

But on topic, your husband probably was feeling as helpless and panicky as you inside and this is how it's coming out. If he's normally a good man that is.

Have you tried a medicine dummy? We have to give our newborn medicine and it's much easier than using with a syringe (granted, our DS isn't super resistant to the medication, he's just too lazy to swallow it). The teat is apparently designed so the medicine misses the tastebuds and goes straight to the back of the throat.

That said, sometimes pinning them down is just necessary when administering medication - you've done nothing wrong. Not sure how the PP criticising you would sneak eyedrops for conjunctivitis into a jam sandwich, for instance!

With regards to your AIBU, I think you're both just stressed about the situation, which is understandable. You wanted to ask for advice from others because you're desperate to resolve the problem and he's frustrated that he couldn't be part of the solution. Be kind to yourselves and each other right now.

Why doesn't your dh go to your parents with you? Is he always so moody? Don't worry about having to get the antibiotics in, your son needs to take them however you can manage it.

I think your DH sounds controlling. OP you have been doing your best as a parent. How is DH otherwiise?

I find the galaxy premade milkshake works quite well covering up the taste. I tend to go for straight up bribery once they are old enough to understand and tell them if they take the whole course I will buy them a new toy.