AIBU - husband is angry/annoyed with me

[GreenSippyCup77]

I honestly am not sure if I’m being unreasonable or not, my brain’s a bit frazzled today. Will try to keep this concise!

So we have a 3 year old DS who has just been prescribed some antibiotics for an infection. We struggled all morning to get DS to take the medicine as it tastes foul. I was getting worried so decided to call 111 while dh was upstairs using the bathroom just to see if they could give any advice or if we could be given a different antibiotic. Dh was annoyed that I’d called 111 without talking to him about it first. I do understand where he’s coming from on this one, I just took the opportunity while DS was happy playing and I guess I was a bit panicky and felt like I needed to do something!

Then this afternoon I went to my parents house and left dh at home, which is pretty much our normal routine on a Saturday unless we’ve made any other particular plans. I explained to my parents how worried/exasperated I was that we couldn’t get DS to take his antibiotics so they helped me pin DS down and basically force the medicine into him. It wasn’t fun, but it worked and I messaged dh to let him know we’d managed to get some medicine into DS. He seemed happy when he replied.

Fast forward to me getting home this evening. I was talking through how our afternoon had been and how it wasn’t easy but we’d managed to get 2 doses of antibiotics into DS. Dh then out of the blue starts getting really angry, saying why did I wait until I went to my parents to try and force the medicine into DS. He was basically making it about him and saying I must think he’s incompetent and that I don’t involve him in things. I really am
struggling to understand where he’s coming from on this one. It wasn’t a case of that I waited until I was at my parents, it was honestly the only way I could get the medicine into him and I thought dh would be pleased I’d succeeded! Maybe I’m wrong so I’m interested to see what everyone else thinks! AIBU?

I’ve remembered when my son was born he was jaundiced. So I held him down while the dr pushed tube up his nose so he could feed.
@DrJoanAllenby double fuck off.

Why would you be annoyed by the 111 call? I can't imagine being annoyed that my partner sought advice.

Your DH is BU here.

Your son is 3 and knows the difference between being well and being sick, right. So you have to explain that while the medicine might not taste nice, it’s only for a few days but it’s to make him feel better.the syringe system is to aim the syringe at the back of the throat so the swallow reflex kicks in.

DH is being OTT. Why does he need to have a go at you at all? You’re on the same team!

Mum of 2 who've both needed to be pinned down here OP so I feel your pain. Melted white chocolate worked for DS when he had Strep and the antibiotic was vile.

As in, mix the antibiotic into the melted white chocolate. It's so sickly sweet, it would hide anything. I checked with GP as I was a bit worried the slightly warm chocolate might somehow render the antibiotic ineffective (mummy anxiety 🙈) but he said it would be absolutely fine.

Its still an awful thing to do and having had some experience of swimming teachers I would say they may not be the best people to take parenting advice from

OP it was not a mistake to call 111. Or to get medicine into your son when you were at your parents.
Your DH was not reasonable but it might just have been stress. BUT - he waited until you got home, so he had plenty of time to stoke up his anger. This makes me wonder if it's deliberate. Do you always have to consult him about every little decision? Do you find yourself turning into someone who has to run everything by him first?
Keep an eye on this, and don't back down when you are just being a mum making the usual daily decisions a mum makes. It's not for him to "allow" you. He should have your back.

Oh God I feel you OP. Yeah your husband is being a massive dick YANBU.

As for the foul tasting antibiotics, when mine had them at 2 I had to use an entire pot of yoghurt for each dose. I got a spoonful and then injected a little bit of antibiotic into the middle of the spoonful and every time he ate a spoonful I gave him a small choc button. Took a few spoons. When he was 3 I managed to get him to just swallow it from a syringe when he was ready and I'd give him a drink and a few chocolate buttons or strawberries or grapes straight after.

Good luck lovely and hope your husband stops sulking like a bloody manchild.

@patchworkpal I can’t find the eye rolling emoji quick enough!

It absolutely is not unethical to put meds in food. In hospital you would have the covert medication policy or process to follow - which is if you have tried everything else you can hide medication in food or drink. So if its good enough for the team looking after kids on a children’s ward - I am pretty sure its okay for parents battling with a 3yo in the community.

Antibiotics for kids automatically come with a calpol thingy!! so I am pretty sure OP will have tried this first!!

What is unethical is telling parents who have tried everything and who are frightened and worried, that a safe method they have tried to use (and may try again) is not okay - therefore putting the child at greater risk of harm!!

OP - just to add you did nothing wrong phoning 111 I really don’t think you need to apologise to your H.

Hope you DC gets better soon and you can get some rest xx

@DrJoanAllenby not only was your comment absolute nonsense but I'd like you to consider how you may have made parents of children with things like cancer feel. My friend had to help doctors and nurses "pin down" her 3 year old daughter countless times for tests and treatments. There's only so much bribery and enthusiasm can do for a child with leukemia. I implore you to keep your nasty comments to yourself. You never know who is reading these threads feeling desperate and traumatised.

If it's the banana flavour my DS was the same. I went back and asked for tablets IIRC because frankly the kid refused to have anything to do with it.

I think your DH is just feeling a bit helpless and taking it out on you. Maybe have a chat later when both of you are less upset and talk it through. Tell him how you felt and let him do the same.

Oh ffs. The child needs the medicine. If they won't take it any other way, it isn't good parenting to just decide not to bother.

@GreenSippyCup77 you did everything right. The phone call, the holding down. I've cried too, but it's necessary sometimes. You don't want to see cannula insertion in a hospital believe me.

Don’t be ridiculous. I’d be surprised if any parent goes straight for that method. It’s the last resort when you can’t hide it in anything they like- and it needs to be done. Mine could spot/taste it when we tried to sneak doses down them. I’ve had to force it in while DH held them down. Lots of cuddles and explanations that you know they don’t like it but they need it or they’ll be poorly.

Years ago I asked for the antibiotics in tablets form which was okay on that occasion. Crushed them, mixed with jam on a spoon and they ate it.

The liquid is vile

How's he been today @GreenSippyCup77 any progress? Xx

Have you tried putting the liquid in the fridge? It really blunts the taste. DD hates taking antibiotics, so I do that and also mix it in with a small amount of milk and tell her it's strawberry milkshake. It's not ideal but I really would avoid forcing it in, he won't ever want to take it if he associates the taste with that.

I never felt any need to involve the ex (when he wasn't an ex) with the administering of medicine. However, I did treat the child like the cats - quick wrap in a towel, tip backwards, slight pressure on the jaw for the mouth to open, medicine in the back, upright and done. Did't even need to rub the throat to ensure it went down. So ex didn't even realise I was doing it until it was finished, either.