I did it I ended my marriage - he’s in pieces help

[Loosingmymind24]

So I posted within the last couple of weeks about how I’ve been unhappy for so long. I was concerned due to how much he doesn’t cope with things (mental health) cannabis addiction etc

he brings nothing ti the household financially as can’t keep a job etc and causes me nothing but stress. Can’t accept I do not want to visit his awful mother (zero issues him going) and expects me to visit.

Well after thinking I’d never ever have the guts I did it yesterday I asked him to leave. He has and went to his mothers. But it’s been horrific he basically had a full breakdown in front of the children, was crying gasping for air it was traumatic. He called text WhatsApp last night and this morning. Saying he can’t cope he’s Ill he’s not slept for over 24 hours now. I know I’m done but I’m struggling seeing this, he’s utterly broken he’s begging I’ve told him he needs to get himself help and he needs.

Did anyone else experience this does it get any better, I feel sick to my stomach with guilt. (There’s no one else at all, I never want to be with anyone ever again).

I think I’m just looking for anyone who’s been through it and do things eventually settle. He does want to come here after school tomorrow and asked to stay weekend with children, I’m at work all weekend so said yes and I certainly don’t want children in his mothers house not at all a suitable area or environment for my children although I’ve obviously not said that to him as not worth causing more stress.

sorry for harping on, I didn’t even organise anything I literally got up yesterday and thought enough is enough but by god to destroy another person has made me feel incredibly sad 😞

Well done OP and stay strong.

Do you rent your home? Is it just you on the tenancy? Hopefully so, but just a warning if you own it you're not allowed to change the locks on a house he half owns.

What he chooses to do going forward is up to him, but you're absolutely right to do what you've done and to protect and shield your children from him.

It’s rented but my uncle owns it so I’m fine to stay here. I plan on now buying after divorce, we sold our last house years ago and I knew i didn’t want to be tied to another home with him.

And thank you

It might be worth notifying social services that you have been proactive in removing him / a risk to your children and disclose his issues. It could help further on down the line if he requests custody, etc.

My ex said the same to everyone who’d listen, heartbroken, couldn’t go on, how did this happen etc etc
Within 6 weeks he had a gf, within 6 months they were engaged and married in less than a year.
So leave him to resolve this on his own he has to find his own way.

You are doing so well! I am so pleased for you, this will be life changing in the best way. Also, while it might at times feel harsh giving him such firm boundaries and distancing yourself, it’s actually helping him because while others manage him it denies him taking responsibility for himself and he’ll never change.

You sound like a great mum OP. You're children are very lucky. This will all work out in the end for you.Make sure you keep all correspondence from him - texts etc for when he starts to become an arsey fucker. Good luck x

I'm so relieved to read this. Well done for stepping up and taking all these actions - you are doing so well in this awful situation. 💐

“It’s rented but my uncle owns it so I’m fine to stay here. I plan on now buying after divorce, we sold our last house years ago and I knew i didn’t want to be tied to another home with him”

You sound on the ball,OP ! Looks like you started getting your ducks in a row a while back.

Stay strong.
I’m glad you’ve got support from your family but it’s wise to remain vigilant with your “psychotic” ex on the loose !

Don’t let him get away with stuff because you feel guilty. It maybe doesn’t apply in your case because of his financial situation, but I did this and fifteen years on he’s got a new life and I’ve got virtually no pension.

You're doing brilliantly OP, well done for dealing with all this emotional blackmail dramatics so calmly and firmly. I know it's not easy but try and push down the guilt, you are doing what's best for you all in the long run, even if he can't see it yet. This is the hardest bit and it feels like you are in the eye of the storm. Hold on to the thought that there are better times ahead. Just breathe and get through one day at a time. Hugs to you and your children 💐

@Loosingmymind24

Always kept separate accounts thankfully and he has zero idea of anything online our entire marriage I’ve had to do all that.

I’ve already spent this afternoon getting council tax sorted too !

Child maintenance would be a waste of time he has nothing and hasn’t worked for months I’ve paid for everything as luckily I’ve always earned well. So I’ll cope money wise new job pays a little more too.

And I’m getting locks charged on Monday !

Excellent! He's been (and is being) an absolute tool and is reaping the rewards. 🌹

This. You’re going to struggle to get rid of him once he’s got back in the house.

His performance in front of your DC was appalling. You need to put them first. If possible, get alternative childcare or get out of work this weekend while you sort it out.

Apologies - just seen your updates. Great news.

Yes, he needs to sort himself out which he seems completely unwilling to do. The drugs have addled his brain, basically. It’s sad that his sister has ended up having to get involved, but far better it’s his birth family deal with him than you and your DC have to deal with him.

Great to read that the DC are doing ok.

Happened to me. Stay strong. Bullet proof even. You will feel sad, don't give in to emotional blackmail . My ex met someone else before I did despite being hideous for months ! We are both now way happier than we were with each other. You've made your decision. Stick with it .

This is 100% accurate.

Best wishes going forward. 💐

@Loosingmymind24 I have been thinking of you. HOw are you and the DC?

Be careful he hadn't taken advice and refuses tp leave. More likely to ne threatening and aggressive if he believes no hope of return. Might be wise to maintain line of him getting help and giving ypu space while he does so to protect kids from struggle that will be. Otherwise if he feels he has nothing to lose he may try to make you lose everything.