Emotional affair the aftermath

[Hereforthechat79]

Finding it really difficult to process this. Old friend of my husband that I also know he started flirting with in order to feel wanted as he wrongly had convinced himself that I didn’t want him and would abandon him. To explain he has been diagnosed with complex ptsd and disassociation so in his head all this was a fantasy whereas to me it was very much a reality and if I hadn’t seen an exchange of messages it would have been a full blown sexual affair I believe. She was certainly up for it. He insists was all in his head and never would’ve done that. It’s the messages and betrayal and the fact she was in my home behind my back 3 times I’m struggling with. The way he spoke about me and then she said things too making it out to be all my fault was so hurtful.

I know he isn’t well which has all since come to light and it explains a lot of the behaviour tbh as this isn’t something I could’ve seen him ever do. The way he reacted when I initially found out was what’s your problem I haven’t done anything as it was all just in his head.

im struggling xx

Thanks everyone for your responses. I've taken some time out after having a nervous breakdown and being riddled with anxiety and self doubt to try and work through things with husband. It's not been easy and my mind is in turmoil sometimes and very irrational thoughts creep in. Husband has done everything he can to try and prove it was a massive mistake and I hope I can move on and get back to my normal self but I guess time will tell

I’m so sorry to hear this. It was alot to process and I get what you mean about how you are now… you don’t trust his words and actions anymore. That safety you felt with him is gone. I’m not sure what advice to give here except to take it one day at a time, as you are in recovery and so cannot make any big decisions x

I had a breakdown after my husband had an emotional affair. Honestly the only thing that worked for me was going to therapy.
I decided to forgive him , I decided to move on and try build our trust again but I hated myself. I felt disgusted by myself and hated everything about me. Going to therapy to talk through my feelings definitely helped.

We are now 6 years on, with a young family and actually very happy. I know people will say I’m naive and an idiot. He worked hard to show me it was a mistake. He was honest and up front about everything and we are now in a much better place .

How you getting on OP? Feeling any better?

I'm okay still struggling with a lot of life events, was made redundant shortly after this happened but have got a better much more fulfilling job so that has helped occupy my mind during the day. My mums health hasn't been great but she is now on the mend so I've been focusing on family time.

He's been away working a bit and I've turned off almost not concerning myself with the fact he could be meeting other people so don't want to see location on phone, ring camera, etc as if he's going to cheat he would find away anyway and I now that's not me to blame. It's given me more peace of mind, I'm still heavily depressed and have been getting panic attacks but no longer suicidal or worrying about thoughts getting out of control so that's a massive win. I keep getting gaslit and am the brunt of criticism I feel as he is missing excitement in his life he tells me, I now know again that's not my fault and have said leave if I'm not enough for you. He's trying to get me involved in swinging scene which I felt I was coerced into doing previously and I'm not doing that again. I think he's incredibly damaged and unhappy but he needs to work on himself

I think therapy would be a good idea for me too, I am waiting to hear through my gp about that. Xx

How are you doing @Hereforthechat79

Hi I put a couple of messages just below yours xx thank you for asking xx

That sounds hard @Hereforthechat79 I know it’s not easy to give up but do you really want to be tied to him forever? He sounds awful!