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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Wierd dating / relationship situation here

102 replies

Violetroseyjane · 11/04/2024 20:42

I've been seeing a guy a few months now.
He really is confusing me!
When I see him all seems very good. He is reliable, never cancelled or let me down, we laugh and talk lots.
The last time I saw him however I was going to end it as I felt inbetween seeing him I hear .... nothing! Absolutely nothing. It can be a whole week and nothing no msgs or calls. The longest it has gone is 10 days!
Unless I initiate and his replies are very blunt & yes and no answers.
After getting advice from others I was advised hes not all that into me so I was going to end it.
I arrived at his place and he asked me if I'd like to go to a friends birthday party the following week , I was stunned as he had seemed so uninterested in me all week.
We went and he was introducing me as his girlfriend all evening to his friends & family. I though ah maybe now weve established what we are... in a relationship he will feel more open to more communication inbetween dates.
He stayed mine that evening, had breakfast out the next day... his idea. Great weekend really.
He went home. Since then ... over a week ago....nothing! No msgs , no calls ... nothing. I was waiting to see it he would initiate this time... nope not happened.
It's making me feel so confused, introducing me as a girlfriend yet not acting like a boyfriend.
So on top of this his family and friends have now added me on social media! .... my friend seems to think they wouldnt be doing this unless he has expressed he is serious about me ... so what the hell is going on?
Still not heard from him now been a week and I feel he is sending very mixed signals.
What would you do in this situation? Advice please

OP posts:
Original poster
Violetroseyjane · 16/04/2024 10:08

beenwhereyouare · 16/04/2024 05:53

@Violetroseyjane
@Terrribletwos

I REALLY think this is off the mark. All your advice (twos) seems to be negative and cynical. And I'm not sure you're reading OP'S posts thoroughly.

For instance, you seem to have misunderstood Violet. You think he called her his girlfriend just to be polite, and apparentlythink SHE asked him to call her that. In reality, that's not what happened.

VRJ said:
"With the introducing me as his girlfriend he asked me right outside the entrance to the party, how can I introduce you tonight? Friend is not right, can I call you my girlfriend? And I said yes"

He asked HER. No ambiguity. He asked if it was OK to say she was his girlfriend. Your comment doesn't make sense because you got that wrong. Which also means you are making something sound negative when it wasn't at all.

@Violetroseyjane, once again
I'm hoping you'll ignore the negative feedback you've been getting from a few posters. There is NOTHING in what you've told us that sounds like he's playing games with you or using you as his backup girl.

Of course, no one except he himself knows exactly what he's thinking, so you have to use your logic. Maybe make a positive/negative list. Add a third column for neutral things. Under negative, you don't hear from him much. But some of the positive things include introducing you as his GF to his family. He obviously is thinking about you even if he's not good at communicating it. You said he makes plans and does things like ordering your favorite food. He pays attention to what's important to you. He let's you know when you've done something that makes him happy.

As for his family adding you on SM, it sounds to me like they are warm, friendly, and care about him very much. Face it, they like you. HE likes you.

If you like him, let him know that you want to talk more. And because you always need to protect yourself, Google to make sure he's really unattached. Most people wouldn't introduce their GF to their family if they were in a relationship with someone else, but occasionally you hear of someone doing just that.

I hope things work out in the way that you want. 🌹

Show quote history

Thank you for this. The list thing is a great idea. I believe he does like me , quite a lot more than he is letting on actually , after seeing him this weekend I've seen a few things that make me feel this.
Anyway I've decided to relax and see what will be , I'm starting to think he may not be enough for me , communication wise, so why am I still investing? This is something I need to work out about myself clearly.
He isnt a bad person , he has always treated me with respect, I just feel we may not be as compatible as I first thought.
I'm going to have an open conversation with him the next time I see him, if he seems uncomfortable doing this , I kind of have my answer

OP posts:
Original poster
Violetroseyjane · 16/04/2024 10:12

BirthdayRainbow · 12/04/2024 15:32

Maybe he sensed you were going to end things so thought he'd introduce you and take you to the party

Really good point, this also went through my head

OP posts:
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