Wierd dating / relationship situation here

[Violetroseyjane]

I've been seeing a guy a few months now.
He really is confusing me!
When I see him all seems very good. He is reliable, never cancelled or let me down, we laugh and talk lots.
The last time I saw him however I was going to end it as I felt inbetween seeing him I hear .... nothing! Absolutely nothing. It can be a whole week and nothing no msgs or calls. The longest it has gone is 10 days!
Unless I initiate and his replies are very blunt & yes and no answers.
After getting advice from others I was advised hes not all that into me so I was going to end it.
I arrived at his place and he asked me if I'd like to go to a friends birthday party the following week , I was stunned as he had seemed so uninterested in me all week.
We went and he was introducing me as his girlfriend all evening to his friends & family. I though ah maybe now weve established what we are... in a relationship he will feel more open to more communication inbetween dates.
He stayed mine that evening, had breakfast out the next day... his idea. Great weekend really.
He went home. Since then ... over a week ago....nothing! No msgs , no calls ... nothing. I was waiting to see it he would initiate this time... nope not happened.
It's making me feel so confused, introducing me as a girlfriend yet not acting like a boyfriend.
So on top of this his family and friends have now added me on social media! .... my friend seems to think they wouldnt be doing this unless he has expressed he is serious about me ... so what the hell is going on?
Still not heard from him now been a week and I feel he is sending very mixed signals.
What would you do in this situation? Advice please

Ah yes this is also a good point, thank you :)

Yes it really Is a strange one! It's like out of sight, out of mind with him.... however when I do see him he has clearly been thinking about me from the little things he has planned for us to do or puts on music / tv shows I previously said I liked, takes me to get food he knows I like.
With the introducing me as his girlfriend he asked me right outside the entrance to the party, how can I introduce you tonight? Friend is not right , can I call you my girlfriend? And I said yes

I'm the same. If someone called me every day, they would be gone quite soon.

Is he very busy during the day? Brain surgeon or something where he can’t text, think, communicate for hours on end? If you send him a message does he reply? Was he in a relationship before?

It sounds to me that it's really playing on your mind, and rightly so. You need to message him and be honest and say you do really like him, but that you are confused that you seem to completely drop off his radar for days at a time between dates and that you want a relationship where there is more contact than just dates.

If it's a deal breaker for you, it's best you deal with it head on and sharpish, before you fall further in with someone who might not want to or cannot give you what you need. Best of luck.

Believe it or not a 14 year relationship! Hes self employed carpenter

Brain surgeon did give me a giggle 😂

I couldn’t think of something needing absolute concentration. Or working in a prison where you can’t take your phones in. But carpentry might also require complete focus. Communicate, he was maybe used to a different style. Or after 14 years just the text messages about “we need bread & milk”, “do you have keys?” 😄

I meant to also answer yes if I were to send a txt he would reply... has never ignored me. However his replies are blunt, straight to the point, yes or nos , factual information, no carrying in the conversation... and if I don't msg him .... i get absolutely nothing

I'd not be happy with silence inbetween
meeting up (and I'm old!) and I get you don't want to come across as 'needy' but it's not how you come across, it's actually about how you feel and who you are. If he thinks you're needy that's his problem.

Set out your stall, if it's not compatible with his style that's ok, we are all different, but you must communicate your needs, and not let things fester. Don't get into mind games, be up front and frank, believe me you have nothing to lose.

Haha yes maybe that's part of it! He has been single for over a year, I'm apparently the 1st person he has dated properly. He has a good relationship with the ex and son which I feel is a great sign, they ended amicably and she is now with someone else.

I'm pretty sure you can put your hammer, sandpaper and lathe down for a few minutes - the wood ain't going anywhere. 😂

He's self-employed carpenter.

That sounds like he doesn't come into contact with a lot of people during the day. Presumably, he's comfortable with that.

He's probably a very nice guy, and would make a great partner for someone.
I'm not sure it's you, though, OP. Only you can decide that. x

I agree with PP, just be upfront. Maybe he’s a bit inept, or lacking imagination. I’m also off the short thumbs up or smile emoji or whatever in my answers, but that’s because I’m very busy at work. I have a few people who’d get into a multiple inane exchange otherwise and I just don’t have time for it. Obviously, not saying you’d do this, and we’re not in early stages of a romantic relationship. Tell him plainly how you’d prefer to communicate.

How old is he? The idea of messaging is relatively modern and calls until I was a young adult cost per minute. The idea of calling for the sake of chitchat sometimes seems to go against the grain. Dp does call me if he's away (work) but we keep it brief. The idea of texting apart from the mundane eg confirming meeting location and time isn't something I've ever done, i also don't make personal calls at work unless very urgent. Different generation

Also he has the evenings free!??

You see from what you describe it does sound needy, there's no one i would want to speak daily to unless i live with them. We are all different

Still not heard from him now been a week.

Are there any plans to get together in the future?

Everyone is different. I would dump someone for NOT talking or texting me daily - I would think they are not interested in me.

OP, as you can see here, everyone is different. But - if you want to have a daily contact (which is a very common thing most couples have) - you need to speak to him. You should never feel stressed and uncomfortable in a relationship, esp at the beginning. If it stresses you out - then its not good, end it.

Hes absolutely lovely, a very nice man and when I see him we just click , we do have our silent times together ... but it's not awkward. We like alot of the same things , he is kind , calm with dey sense if humour , after reading this I think he may be autistic. He is perfect for me.... in person , it's the time inbetween I really struggle with

I've never said I wanted to speak to him daily, just concerned with radio silence

You sound total opposites in your need for communication in general. I am amazed at how often you say you talk to friends and relatives. How on earth do you even have anything to talk about that often or have time to do a thing else?

If you text him does he reply? I wouldn't generally think to get in touch that often with a newish boyfriend in between dates I think though I am from the vintage where making contact was much more difficult. Maybe you just need to contact him a bit more but probably only every couple of days at most given his obvious dislike of random conversation.

Yes when I last saw him he asked to see me this weekend coming

It is a bit strange, I'll admit. He didn't contact you for 10 days? How on earth do you arrange other dates if you always have to initiate? Do you suggest them or does he?

We have group chats, usually in evenings , I come from an extremely large family , I was one of 26 grandchildren so I am used to having alot of people around me my whole life , It feels like home to me